A Social Media Detox Guide: How to Internet When Everything Sucks

Social media sucks sometimes. Like, a lot. I mean yes it's amazing in so many ways (we wouldn't be able to connect if it weren't for social media, btw), but I think we're all familiar with how quickly it can turn to awesome to... awful.

It can be a struggle on lots of different levels. As a business owner, it's beyond frustrating to not have your audience actually see the content your working your buns off to create. It can be hard when you see the work you poured your heart and soul and endless hours into, launch to crickets; while a random meme or silly post gets a million likes and shares. And between me and you, it can also be disheartening to see other pages grow to hundreds of thousands of followers while they put out butt photos paired with "inspirational quotes", or don't offer real value in any way, while the pages who are working hard on thoughtful content get left in the dust. It's pretty tough to not play the comparison game, even a little.

It's also no secret to anyone that scrolling is a total time suck. I read recently that we check our phones upwards of 150 times a day. A DAY! What we're always looking for in there, I don't know. But I do know that the more we scroll, the less connected we actually feel to real humans in our real life.

And then, there's the actual news in our news feeds. Lately, we have just been inundated with awful story after terrible story after heartbreaking news, and it often leaves us feeling angry, sad, frustrated, or worse: ambivalent.  

I've spent some time talking about social media struggles before, and most recently on this dichotomy of identity: how social media allows us to find our tribe (which is amazing), but how it also tend to split things into black and white. You're either on this side or that side, and there's no room for the actual nuance of the human experience. Let alone, calm, respectful conversation.

I've been really feeling the pull of all of this negativity lately and so I wanted to share some tips with you (and also to remind myself, let's be real) about how to get out of the social media suckfest when it starts taking hold.

1. Set boundaries. (If you have #fomo, remember social media will always be there, and you're not seeing posts in real time anymore anyway, so what are you really missing?) Some ideas:

• Turn off all notifications so that you're not pulled in by every ping all day long. Decide on check in times throughout the day and stick to them. 
• Leave your phone at home/in your car while you're in the gym.
• No screens in the bedroom.
• Leave your phone in your purse and put it in the backseat while driving.
• Designate check in times and/or no-phone-allowed times and honor them.

2. Unfollow. You're in control of what media you consume (for the most part). While it's always great to be exposed to people with different views, in order to have thoughtful conversations that expand our horizons and get us out of what can definitely be an echo chamber at times, there's a fine line between positively challenging concepts and dialogues, and pure garbage that does. not. serve you. I challenge you to go into your feed right now and unfollow 10 people who leave you feeling defeated or less than, every time. Be selective and find the people who lift you up, push you forward, and make you feel empowered to take action IRL.

3. Focus on you. Ever notice how you're more susceptible to feeling insecure about something, when it's something you're insecure about? If you're getting sucked into the comparison game, whether that's in business, body, success or other areas, it's time to help these insecurities in a real way. (Not seeing what everyone else is doing about them). Get in touch with and support yourself with these strategies:

• Read. Replace your scrolling time with self improvement time. How can you get more in touch with yourself? How can you improve your relationships with those around you? What do you want to learn more about? How can you be a bigger, more complex human? Some of my favorite books to create positive growth are The Happiness Project and Better Than Before by Gretchen Rubin, Daring Greatly by Brene Brown, and Loving What Is by Byron Katie.
• Move. Physical activity does so much (duh), but the rush of endorphins can often be enough to snap you out of funk all on it's own. Find something that is challenging or zen enough so that you are forced to be in the moment and let everything else fall away around you. Focus in on how your body feels in these moments, and be grateful you have this ability.
• Create. What wells of creativity can you tap into? Do you love to cook, write, paint, take photos? (And if this sends you into a comparison game all on it's own, I encourage you to go back to step 1 and read Big Magic by Elizabeth Gilbert and/or Daring Greatly. Share your magic with the world, it needs it more than ever.
• Hang IRL. Social media is slippery little minx because it gives us this illusion of connectivity but without any of the real benefits. Humans need social connection; we are just wired this way. If you're slacking on the in-real-life connection time with your friends, your partner, your mom, or literally anyone who you love and who supports you, it's time to pick up the phone and make a date to make that happen. (Or literally just talk on the phone. It's better than scrolling, I promise). Bonus points if you hang outside somewhere. Go for a walk, get some sun, get in the nature. Small acts of kindness for others IRL can go a long way in spreading good vibes and helping you feel better, simultaneously.
• Ask for help. No matter what's bringing you down (the news, your own feelings about things, or anything else), you don't have to go it alone. As Melissa Hartwig says, when you have moments of courage, tell on yourself. Meaning, share your feelings with a friend, because shame cannot survive being spoken. Don't be afraid to speak up or have a difficult conversation.

4. Take action. While focusing on you is always a noble endeavor, it can help to get outside of ourselves and minds and actually DO something. If you are looking for motivation, put the fucking phone down (your motivation isn't in there, no matter what #motivationmonday might have you believe). Motivation comes from taking action, NOT the other way around. What's one small thing you can do RIGHT NOW that  will be a small step in the direction you want to go or make an impact on what's important to you?  It doesn't need to be a sweeping overhaul, it can be one. tiny. step. Just do something.

5. Shut it down. Now I realize that for those of us who run an online business, this isn't always possible. You can't just shut off your phone for 2 weeks at any given moment. But, there might be some ways to create workarounds. Due to the scheduling feature that every app (except for IG) has, you can spend some extra time up front getting a bunch of your posts ready to go, so that you can carve out a whole day or a whole weekend where you don't log in even once. And if you have the ability to do this at any given time, try it. I deleted Instagram off my phone for a week this summer and it was the most incredible thing I could have done for my mental health. I wrote all about it here.

6. Share your light. If you're feeling overwhelmed by the stuff you're seeing in the news, know that it's ok to feel sadness or grief or anger. Let these feelings sit with you and embrace them. Then, decide how you want to move forward. My best suggestion is this:

• Channel that energy and create something. Put your voice out there, connect with someone else, share your story, spread your magic. It might seem insignificant, but it's not. The world needs you right now.
• Get involved. Similar to #5, but in a more community focused way. Take action in a way that matters to you. Donate money, or better yet, time, or find a way to help make an impact. The little things go a long way, so don't be discouraged that you're just one person. Again, the world needs you right now.

And above all else, remember this: 

What you see in your feed is the polished, edited, filtered, best-of, highlight reel. Do not compare your behind the scenes to everyone else's highlight reel. It might look like they have their shit together and figured out, but let me tell you right now: no one has their shit together. We are all just figuring it out as we go. Have patience with yourself.
 

And most importantly, your worth as a woman, entrepreneur, mom, exerciser, and overall human being does not lie in your likes per photo or your follower count. Remember what's important in this world and let the numbers go.
 

Social media can be an incredible thing, and it can (and has!) done so much good. Try to remember to use it as a tool to help better the world and yourself, and don't let the rest get you down.

xo,

Taylor

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The 4 Biggest Health + Fitness Myths You Need to Stop Believing Right Now

It’s no surprise to anyone that the health and fitness world is one with LOTS of noise. The problems in this industry range far and wide, from old science and just BAD information, to assaulting you with you with “shoulds” every minute of every day, to preying on your own insecurities to make you feel guilty or ashamed of your body or your lifestyle. As such, there’s A LOT of things I could rant on here (and I tend to address some of these points in most of my posts here on this blog), but today I wanted to focus on the following four, as these misconceptions can leave us feeling broken, hungry, frustrated or, at worst, sick. And notably, all of these are coming from industry leaders.

Because even as most of us become more knowledgable, more confident, and more aware of the fitness and nutrition industry nonsense machine, a few messages still seem to be getting through that I wish my readers (and everyone!) would stop believing.

And of course, all of these could be their own post (or book!), so I’m touching on the most important points briefly. You ready? Here goes.

#1: EAT LESS, MOVE MORE

This one can be confusing, because not only is it age old advice that we’ve all heard in some capacity a million times over from doctors and nutritionists and magazines and even our coaches or trainers, but it CAN actually work for some people.

For some folks, all they need to do to change their health, body and life is to begin to move more, and mind what they're eating; usually dropping their daily caloric intake and going for a run. These people are usually severely overweight, untrained, sedentary, or otherwise totally new to their own health journey. As such, this advice can be impactful for this population, at least for some period of time.

However, if you have been training for a while, are a regular exerciser or a regular intense exerciser (hello, CrossFitters!), this strategy simply does not work. At some point, being on a severe caloric deficit actually begins to work AGAINST you, and if you’re trying to fix it by training even more and eating even less, you will not only feel it in the gym and in your overall energy levels, but you'll probably see it on your waistline too.

The path to a hard body, a healthy gut and a happy mind is paved with smart training and sufficient fuel. Not lettuce for dinner and 3 hours of cardio. In fact, spending hours on end at low or moderate intensity (jogging, etc) can also be working against you. Want to get lean and strong? Ditch the cardio and pick up the weights. And eat to support your training.

Eating more can be a scary thing for a lot of women, because the industry has told us it's wrong or bad. The best place to start to ensure you’re eating enough to support your muscle, fat loss efforts, energy levels and overall health and well being? Enough carbs and adequate protein. (And no, I don’t just mean 2 eggs for breakfast and a yogurt snack pack). This leads us into myth #2.

More reading on this topic: 

Cardio vs strength training: which is better for fat loss?

All about macros

Why eating less is sabotaging your weight loss efforts

Watch: How eating MORE can get you closer to your goals

#2: YOUR BODY CAN ONLY ABSORB 20-30G OF PROTEIN PER SITTING

Years and years ago, there used to be a concept swirling around in the nutrition world that said that a human body can only absorb 20-30g of protein in one sitting, and all protein consumed beyond this point would either go to waste or be stored as fat. These days, this is widely understood to be a myth (any quick Google could tell you that— this topic is WELL researched, with many definitive studies), but yet I STILL see it being perpetuated in some circles. This can be especially misleading and confusing for those who are trying their darnedest to up their protein intake and properly address myth #1. You're eating too much, you need to eat more. You need more protein, you're eating too much protein.. So, let’s talk.

First of all we need to remember that protein does a hell of a lot more than just support our gainz. Studies have shown that 20-30g of protein seems to be the amount that tends to be used towards protein synthesis, or muscle repair and building, and about how much we absorb at any given time. But just because we don't absorb it ALL AT ONCE doesn't mean it doesn't eventually get absorbed and used! Our body’s use for protein does not begin and end with muscle building. And most studies on this topic have shown that upward of 90% of the protein you eat, eventually gets absorbed and gets put to good use in one way or another. 

(But on the topic of muscle building, studies on intermittent fasting and protein consumption have shown that consuming an entire day’s worth of protein in a short window did not negatively impact muscle retention and growth, which further shows us that protein absorption was not hindered by high intake all at once).

And evolutionarily speaking, how could that really make sense? When our primal ancestors hunted and feasted on a rare animal protein, do you think their bodies simply stopped absorbing more than a neat little 3 oz serving at one time? Um, no. As Mark Sisson puts it, "Digestion takes a long time, and it’s not a segmented procession of different meals through the gastrointestinal tract. Food isn’t separated into 'meals' in your stomach. It’s just all food, all mashed together. If you still have breakfast in your stomach when your lunch enters the picture, lunch and breakfast will meet and mingle."

Now, I will say there's a variability element to consider here. For example, a petite, 5’ 2” 100 pound sedentary woman might not absorb and utilize the exact same amount as a 250 lb, 6’ 4” strongman competitor or linebacker, because your body will absorb and use what it NEEDS— it doesn’t just stop at some arbitrary number or "meal". (And how much do you really need? That's a huge source of confusion, too. But no. it's NOT the RDA, and no, you're not getting enough. Read this & the links below). 

Other factors, like your protein sources and your body’s levels of micronutrients like zinc (along with anti-nutrients like lectin and phytate) also play a role in absorption. And wild excess CAN start to work against some bodies at some point, just like anything else (we’re talking WILD excess though).

The research and science is clear here. So can we put this myth to rest already? Your body will use ANY amount of protein you feed it in a sitting, somehow, someway, so always be sure you're getting enough.

Read more on this topic:

How much protein should I be eating?

The benefits of a high protein diet

Why protein is so important beyond muscle growth

#3: PLANT BASED IS THE HEALTHIEST DIET

So I do want to preface this section with this: I am a firm supporter of the Do You Boo system. Meaning, if plant based makes you feel fucking radiant, then do it. I also realize that some people choose this eating style for a variety of reasons, like simple taste or texture preference, and I understand that. This is mostly for those who feel like they NEED to be plant based in order to be healthier. 

If you are opting to go without any animal products (or animal protein) simply based on the claim that this is the superior diet for ultimate health, I encourage you do some more reading on this topic.

(And there’s no denying the health benefits of plants here— I’m NOT suggesting you stop eating veggies! We must make sure we are getting adequate greens and micronutrients in a large variety and volume on a daily basis for our health, period. But if we stop there, we are coming up short.)

Because there's SO MUCH to unpack in this topic, and the rabbit holes run DEEP down every single argument to this claim, I decided to just offer some extra reading for you here, if you're interested. Again, do what makes YOU feel BEST. 

But I do want to say this, as it builds off out last 2 myths: If you are attempting to sustain yourself on solely plant based protein sources, man alive have you got your work cut out for you. Adding hemp seeds to your salad just isn’t going to cut it. If getting TRUE adequate protein while eating chicken breast and steak is a lot of work, can you image how hard it is to get there with seeds and grains alone? (Which, btw, aren't protein sources, they are fat and carb sources, respectively, with a little protein).

And while there are some legit plant based protein sources, most of the popular ones actually work against internal health: namely things like soy, grains and legumes.

There is no one diet that is perfect for everyone and I encourage you to experiment with everything to find what works for you, but if you're feeling pressure and think "plant based is the only route to health", you need to know that this concept is simply false.

Read more on this topic:

Plant based protein vs animal protein

Why quality of animal protein matters

More protein, better protein, from an RD

What about sustainability and ethical considerations?

What about that popular new Netflix flick?

How do herbivores get so muscular then?

Also see: any book from my favorites shop

#4: NO PAIN, NO GAIN. WHAT'S A "REST DAY"?

Lastly, we have another popular belief that drives me crazy to see, especially as a coach! Closely related to the first myth, "move more, eat less", this idea that you have to push your body to it’s absolute limits to either see results, be healthy or fit, or that rest days are for the weak, is not only misleading and wrong, but downright dangerous.

More is NOT better. The concept of “minimal effective dose” is an important one to keep in mind when it comes to intense exercise. Meaning, while movement and pushing your limits is great for your body and mind and health, it can absolutely be taken too far. Getting in the minimum effective dose (one that brings you fitness and health and mental clarity and makes you better) is essential, but taking it beyond that starts to erode a few very important systems-- and ultimately, your health.

Because at the end of the day, what your body sees this as, is STRESS. Your body doesn’t know the difference between stress from work, from that fight with your partner, from that one rep max back squat, from that epic to do list, and that half marathon you ran last weekend. It all gets processed the same.

This doesn’t just make us feel tired-- it actually sets off a “cascade of biochemical responses that can cause serious damage to one’s health in both the short and long term”, as Chris Kresser puts it.

This idea of bragging about “no rest days” or pushing our bodies so hard we get ill makes me CRINGE. It is not cool, not “hard core” or disciplined or impressive, and most certainly not a healthy relationship to exercise. If you are feeling like you are addicted to your training (or stimulus); if you struggle to take a rest day; if you're training like a pro but you're not a pro; if the thought of going a week or 2 months without your exercise of choice sends you into a panic; then you really need to take a long, hard look here.

Movement is so important to health, and I believe firmly in the benefits of a tough, physical challenge and regular exercise. But there's a fine line between training hard and overtraining, or even exercise addiction. How many rest days are you taking and how often (not "active recovery"). How much and how well are you sleeping? Are you allowing for quieter seasons or pushing hard 24/7?

It's important to know the distinction between pushing hard and muscle burn/fatigue, vs a real injury or pushing too far to stay safe and illness/injury free. And you must be recovering JUST as hard as you're training if you intend to see any lasting results from your hard work.

 And it's always a good idea to take an honest look at our relationship to exercise, and ask ourselves if it's truly serving us with how we are using it.

More reading on this topic:

Are you addicted to exercise? 

The three stages of overtraining  

Why you may need to exercise less

Embracing the seasons of your fitness journey

 

TO SUM UP:

Ditch the hamster wheel and pick up some weights. Eat! Be sure you're getting enough fuel to support your training and build strong bones and lean muscles, especially protein. And yes your body will absorb and use it all, so don't skimp. Don’t be pressured into thinking that plant based is superior to omnivorous diets-- while it's not for everyone, eating high quality animal products and protein IS part of a healthy diet. Train with intensity, not intense volume, and be sure it’s fun. Four hours of cardio every day is not effective and likely woking against you in myriad ways. Rest and recovery is JUST as important as your exercise, and should come at a 1:1 ratio. And, don't fear the slower seasons. More isn't better. Better is better.

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Find me across the socials:

September Favorites: What I'm Loving Right Now

October is here and I can't even believe it, but as an introvert I'm always down for more cozy evenings snuggled with my pups watching Friends.. and October is the perfect time to do just that. I've rounded up some of the things I've been loving lately. What are YOU loving? Leave me a comment and let me know what I need to try!

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GYM

Pull-Up Queen

When a great program comes along, I gotta share it (and also #supportstrongwomen). If you want to become a beast at pull ups, Pull Up Queen will get you there.

Three different levels of programming, videos, resources and lots more. 

Pull ups here you come!

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CLOTHING & ACCESSORIES

Quay Australia High Key Sunnies

Whenever I wear these sunnies on Snapchat I get tons of questions about them! 

These oversized aviators and come in tons of colors (of which I have a couple), but my favorites is the black fade color.

Perfect for autumn days and big chunky scarves and PSLs (if that's what you're into).

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BEAUTY & HEALTH

OGX Weightless Coconut Oil Spray

With the weather getting a little dryer (and the heat starting to come on!), this is one of my very few haircare products that I use (and love).

I spray this all over my damp hair after showering, and then brush it through and air dry. It noticeably makes my hair softer, smoother, more manageable and shinier. It's super lightweight and also smells delicious.

I also spray this on my hair after blowdrying (which I rarely do) as it gives everything a healthy, shiny sheen.

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Vitanica Cramp Bark Extra

You guys. This was recommended to me by my naturopath to help my severe menstrual cramping, and to be honest, when she prescribed this I didn't have a lot of faith in it's potential effectiveness.

Nothing has ever been more effective at making my cramps go from near-tears can't-leave-the-house I-feel-like-I'm-gonna-vom is-this-actually-normal-tho to, these cramps are sort of annoying.

Consult your physician if this is right for you, but this shit has changed my life. I take one every day and then up my dose during PMS.

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FOOD & KITCHEN

Garlic Sauce

If you follow me on the socials you KNOW how obsessed I am with this stuff!

I've already gotten a ton of messages from you guys saying you got it too and LOVE it. It's seriously so good. What do I put it on? Oh just EVERYTHING.

It appears to be a PNW brand, but you can also order online (and honestly the prices are better online anyway somehow?)

Just do it and thank me later, k.

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All-Clad Slow Cooker

Fall is here! If you don't have a slow cooker (or yours is tiny/old/broken/in need of an upgrade), may I suggest this beauty?

We got an All-Clad slow cooker a couple years ago and LOVE it. It was such an upgrade from what we were using, and I think the best part is the insert can go right onto the stove top for browning.

If you're looking for the easiest way to make healthy AF meals in large quantities, this is it, fam.

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That's it! What are you loving these days? Anything out there I need to try? Let me know in the comments!

And remember that you can always check out my all-time favorites (read: ride or die, go-to products) and recommendations from everything from skincare to cookbooks in my shop tab!

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Disclaimer: this post may contain affiliate links, which help and allow me to run this blog, so I appreciate your support!

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My Skincare Routine

You asked for it, so here it is! My current daily skincare routine. Now I do want to note that I love collecting, sampling, and playing with skincare and beauty stuff (seriously, it's always been a hobby), so if it seems like there's a lot here, that's why.

I tried to keep things down to basic, every day products, but also included some of the products I use occasionally or to treat a specific issue. (And the pic above is the actual shelf of everything in my toolbox. #shelfie)

So, let's get into it!

MORNING ROUTINE

I have been using the oil cleansing method for years now, and loving it. (Actually, I use oils for the majority of my skincare, and it has actually normalized my oily skin, instead of making it more oily).

My current favorite oil cleanser is this one from Juice Beauty. (I also used this "paleo friendly" oil cleanser from FATCO for many years and still love it, if you wanted another recommendation). I use about one pump onto my dry hands and then rub it on my dry face, and then take my trusty Clarisonic to continue to massage it in.

Then I use a warm, damp washcloth to wipe it off, and voila! Clean, happy skin.

I follow up with the Age Defy Serum from Juice Beauty, and put a few drops all over my face, neck and chest, and let that dry and soak in as much as I can.

Then I go in with my daily moisturizer: The Ultimate Miracle Worker from Philosophy. It keeps my face hydrated all day without being greasy, it has SPF and helps fight against sun damage and wrinkles.

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NIGHT TIME ROUTINE

If it's a normal day and I don't have much makeup on at the end of the day, I start my nighttime routine the same way: by pumping the Juice Beauty Cleansing Oil onto my dry hands and rubbing it all over my (dry) face. Sometimes I use the Clarisonic again at night, but usually just go right in with a warm washcloth to wipe the oil off and cleanse. (If I am wearing a full face of makeup, I use a makeup removing towelette all over, first, then cleanse).

About once or twice a week I will use an exfoliator, and I actually combine it with my oil cleanser and put it right onto dry skin as well. I have been loving this exfoliator from Murad.

If I trained that day, I will give my skin a once (or twice) over of this alcohol free toner, on a cotton pad, to just be sure the sweat and grime is off. I'll remove any lingering eye makeup with a quick swipe of the makeup remover towelettes around the eye area, and then start going in with the lotions and potions!

I start with my daily dose of this mandelic acid serum from Vivant Skincare, which I have found has completely stopped any sort of breakouts. I might get a rogue pimple here or there (usually when I'm PMS'ing, TYSM), but it has had a big impact on the regular little breakouts I used to get.

Then I apply my nighttime moisturizer, which I will be honest, I usually switch up. I have 2 or 3 that I alternate between, depending on how my skin is feeling and looking, and what I feel it needs.

This Biossance squalane and vitamin C oil is my standard go to. I'll be honest I just love how glowy my skin looks after putting an oil treatment on it!

I have also used and loved a similar oil, developed by Real Food Liz: the Primal Life Organics C-Ex Vitamin C Oil. This is a high octane vitamin c oil, and is another "paleo friendly" option.

Some nights, when I'm feeling fancy af, I take out the nice stuff and hydrate my skin like it's never been hydrated before. This was actually a gift, but it's seriously amazing and I will be repurchasing it when I run out! (And it lasts forever, because you only need the tinest amount): The Edward Bess Black Sea cream.

I used to fear major hydration because I thought it would only clog my pores and/or make my skin more oily, but hydration is now the name of my game, especially now that I'm in my 30s. (Another favorite ultra hydrating nighttime moisturizer is this one from FATCO)

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SPECIAL SAUCE

For those times I have a pimple, dull skin, or dealing with scarring/discoloration (from said pimple), these are the things I reach for to get my skin back in tip top condition in no time.

My hands down, all time favorite, most effective and powerful zit killer is Tea Tree Oil. But I will be sure to tell you: please do your own research on this and test it out, carefully. Some people do not react well to this oil, and even those who tolerate it can be burned by it -- it's potent af. So I moisten the end of a Q-tip with water, then dip it into the oil to dilute it. Then I dab it right onto the zit, and sleep with it on.

If I am dealing with the aftermath of a zit and have some scarring or discoloration, nothin makes that shit go away faster than Murad's Rapid Age Spot Lightening Serum. (I put this on after the Vivant serum and before moisture).

If things are just feeling dull, or if it's been a while, I go in with the Dr. Gross Alpha Beta Peel pads and this stuff is amazing. It can sting, yes, but my skin instantly looks fresh, glowing, radiant, and smooth. Generally I try to use these every other night, but sometimes it's more like once a week or when I remember. But these are AWESOME.

And with about the same regularity as above, I use this Neck Lifting Cream from Juice Beauty- I just rub it all over my neck and chest and actually really do feel like it works. But the bonus is it kind of just feels nice. 

Pro tip: no matter what lotions and potions you're putting on your face, always bring it down your neck and even your chest if you can, and rub any excess onto the back of your hands.

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That's it! I still plan on doing a video for you guys at some point: maybe some more info on oil cleansing, or maybe talking about my favorite masks? What do you want to know more about?

And don't forget to check out my monthly Favorites series where I always share any other products I'm currently trying and loving!

And of course I always have links to ALL my favorite stuff, from books to supplements to kitchen goods & more in my SHOP page.

What are YOU currently using and loving?! I always love to try new things so let me know what you're into these days!

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Note: this blog post may contain affiliate links, which help me run my blog.

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In Defense of an Unbalanced Life: Why Somethings Gotta Give

Fitness, sleep, work, family, friends: pick 3. Or maybe more accurately: pick 2. Can we really be the super mom and the CEO and the fittest chick in the gym and the supportive wife + awesome friend, while taking time for self care and recovery, all at the same damn time?

I get asked regularly how I find balance between being a business owner, a wife, pursuing health and fitness, taking time for myself, and more. And it gives me pause every time. Is the idea of a happily balanced life a utopian dream? Is it just an illusion, something we’re told to believe is out there but actually isn’t, like comfortable heels and “one size fits all”?

In my experience, the short answer is yes, it can be done, for some time, for some of us. But the long answer is a little more complex than that. 

You see, over the last few months, I’ve been hustling hard. I’ve been building this here lil business and investing all my time, energy, focus and did I say time? into it, to be able to create a product that can change the lives of my readers. I’m so proud of what I created and the work I’ve done, but make no mistake my friends: it came with a steep price tag.

The process of growing my business cost me my ability to spend 2 hours a day in the gym, 5 days a week. It cost me my ability to make interesting, fun meals. It cost me my weekends, my time with friends, and most of my social life. It cost me date nights with my husband. It cost me the ability to kick back, relax and hashtag self care. (What is a "day off" again?)

Because I was (am!) going HARD. And when you’re committed, on a mission, with Eye of the Tiger metaphorically (or literally) playing on repeat in your head while you’re laser focused on a specific, big, goal, this idea of “balance” usually takes a seat. When you’re giving 100% to something in life, you don’t have leftover effort and attention to put into other things. Because, math.

As the saying goes, “Family, friends, work, sleep, fitness: pick 3”. Meaning, for most of us, you cannot have all of these things working in absolute perfect balance in your life, all of the time. (And especially so when you’ve got a big goal lined up in your crosshairs). Can you decide which 2 or 3 you get to focus on on any given day? Absolutely. But can you REALLY have all 5, all at once, in perfect harmony? 

Those athletes you see at the CrossFit Games, or those entrepreneurs who are out there building empires? Here's the dirty little secret no one tells you: their life is spent committed to those goals, and they most certainly do not have what you or I would consider "balance", at least in their hustle seasons. Because the bottom line is this: anything worth fighting for and committing to is guaranteed to throw your life’s balance all out of whack.

Sometimes this is an easy sacrifice, and sometimes, not so much. It can be hard to see our friends all go out for dinner and drinks while we’re at home with the baby or working. It can be tough to see ourselves put on some extra lbs or feel like we just can’t hang in the gym anymore.

But here’s why this unbalanced life is ok: these are simply seasons of our life. They come and they go, they ebb and flow, and they are ever changing and always evolving. So when there was a moment recently when I looked in the mirror and stood in shock for a minute and came to terms with the fact that I didn’t recognize the body in the reflection, within seconds, I shrugged and reminded myself that this is temporary. This is simply the season I am in, and the price of pouring 100% into something that isn't the gym means my body's gotten a little softer.

(Side note: even in the seasons that I'm feeling fit and strong and lean, I still appreciate those moments for what they are: fleeting moments. I do not tie my worth to the way I look or my fitness, because the only constants about our bodies is that they change. For more on this concept, read my blog post on Embracing the Seasons of Your Fitness Journey)

I don’t sweat it because there will be a time, not too far from now, when I’ll be able to commit to the gym a little bit more. And when that time comes, I’ll be ready.

I can’t help but think of the CrossFit theory of the sickness-wellness continuum: I am thankful that I’ve had some seasons of commitment where I’ve been able to build my fitness baseline up to a high enough place, where I can essentially take 4 months off of the gym and still be “reasonably fit”. And if you’re not there quite yet, it’s ok, your opportunity will come.

This is also why I do feel that if you have the interest and want to see how far you can push your fitness and your physical body, I'm not going to tell you not to. Try all the things, count and weigh and measure and commit (and enjoy it!), with this VERY IMPORTANT note in mind: it's more than likely a lifestyle you will not be able to sustain forever. And why not? It will throw your life out of balance. Is it worth playing and experimenting with? Heck yes, if that's what you want! But don't expect it to be able to stick around forever, so remember to appreciate it for what it is: an opportunity for a season of growth.

It won't be long until the sands shift and our focus must be placed elsewhere, either out of want or out of need. Staying with 100% intensity in one area of life is surely not sustainable, but I believe it to be necessary, for most of us, at one time or another.

Because this is how goals get accomplished, dreams become reality, and real progress gets made. And if there's one thing I want you to take away from this little blog of mine, it's that you CAN accomplish your goals, and anything is possible. But no matter what Instagram may have you believe, being able to do it ALL, all at once, in perfect, happy harmony, isn't a reality for most of us.

Now: Does every waking moment of your life have to be spent in pursuit of something bigger or better? No, no no. Taking seasons to reflect, accept, embrace, and actually experiment with true balance is just as important as the seasons where we are forging ahead. This is paramount. But in a culture where the pursuit of balance is ever present, and we're told to be searching for it and happily maintaining all of these perfect facets of our life in absolute harmony all the time, I want you to know that being off balance is ok sometimes.

When you have the chance to chase a goal or pursue a dream, appreciate it for what it is: an opportunity, and commit yourself to it, 100%. And don’t be scared of gaining a few pounds, missing out on happy hours, or having life become unbalanced, because you know what? In life, the only thing you can count on is change.

So enjoy the current season of your career, of your fitness, of your relationships, of your personal growth.  Accept where you are while you chase the goal on your horizon, even if it's messy. It won’t be long until the winds shift again.

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