Thoughts on Being My Own Biggest Obstacle + Finding My Power
“I am writing an instruction manual on how to find yourself when you are both the search party and the sea.” -Tyler Kent White.
I can be my own biggest obstacle. I can be quick to judge, I can be quicker to react. I sometimes worry too much what other people may think, and I can get lost in the narratives swimming in my own head. I can be brash, emotional, highly sensitive and take things far too personally. I can be bull headed and insecure and slow to forgive. Positivity doesn’t come naturally to me, I default to cynicism and distance. I can take out feelings of stress or fear on those around me. I don’t always practice what I preach.
But within this sea of turbulence and distress, I am learning to shine a search light of peace. I’ve never been afraid to speak up, but I’m learning to pick my battles. I’ll always feel things deeply, but I’m practicing how to let the things go that do not serve me. I feel my strongest when I’m lifting others up, but know I can do it better. And I need to learn how to do it for myself. I will always cherish my alone time, but I’m distinguishing refuel from withdrawal.
I’m the teacher and the student, and I am weakness and strength. I am messy and imperfect, a paradoxical contradiction, and my own biggest obstacle. I am the search party and the sea, and some days I am more one than I am the other.
This swirling, winding, scary, and oftentimes maddening pursuit of illuminating the path to my own strength and getting out of my own way isn’t easy, and it will never go perfectly. But I’d rather be out exploring, struggling and swimming in the wild unknown, than tucked away in a safe harbor, never knowing my true power.
This was originally posted on my She Thrives Instagram account. Be sure to add me there for daily mini blogs, @shethrivesblog.