How to Stay Motivated to Make Healthy Choices
You want the secret to staying motivated? It’s all here.
Man alive. If I had a dollar for every time I’ve been asked this question, I’d be off partying in Mykonos like Lindsay Lohan right now.
I think it’s something that EVERY health, fitness, or wellness professional gets bombarded with all the time.
The data is clear: It’s what you want to know the secret to THE MOST.
And I’m here today to tell you the secret: there is no secret.
Truth be told, the answer is not really what you want to hear, but Ima tell you anyway cuz you know that keeping it real around here is the name of my game.
So, here goes:
There’s a short and answer and a there’s long answer.
Short answer: you build healthy habits so it’s not even something you even negotiate with yourself— it’s just what you do.
This is what you’ll hear most pros say, cuz it’s the truth. It’s about discipline, doing things whether or not you’re “motivated”, making things habitual.
But this is also a touch misleading, and therefore downright infuriating to people who are trying to heed this advice, and why we STILL get asked this question ad nauseam.
People find themselves pushing through pain, getting SUPERFUCKINGDISCIPLINED, hashtag no excuses, more rules, gogogo, and trying to overhaul everything all at once. THIS IS ME NOW, right?
The long answer, is how you ACTUALLY GO ABOUT creating those habits. It’s not more discipline and rules and ignoring hunger cues or fatigue or cravings. Not even a little.
This is how you actually make “motivation” obsolete:
1. Really identify what is interfering with your decision making, and why. (Spoiler alert: this could be simple af, but more often than not, it’s about 348 different things). You can’t change what you do not notice.
2. Dismantle anything that is acting as a lifeline to your negative habit loop, self sabotaging behavior, or stalling points.
This includes but is not limited to:
your thoughts
your narratives
your internal dialog
how you feel about yourself
what you were conditioned to believe
what you choose to believe
your sense of worth
your insecurities
coping mechanisms
emotional health
Personal preferences
tendencies, and behaviors.
(And more. Yes— allllll of these impact your choices😳)
This means that MINDSET work + internal personal development is the underlying catalyst for your change, PERIOD.
There is NO TWO WAYS AROUND THIS, fam. If you’re always falling off the wagon, sabotaging yourself, losing interest, or struggling to make the choices you know you want to me making, there are underlying systems at work that you MUST address if you ever even HOPE to actually change your reality.
3. Rebuild from the ground up, going as slowly as possible.
Starting small.
Rewriting one narrative.
Making one different choice.
Sitting in the discomfort one second longer.
Digging one layer deeper.
Taking one step.
And getting reallllllly fucking good at that one, tiny thing, and continuing to practice it with focused intention until it starts taking less (or no) effort.
4. Then, we add one more. And so on.
THIS is how healthy, SUSTAINABLE habits are made. ERGO, THIS is how you stay “motivated”.
It actually has *nothing* to do with the feeling of “motivation”, and everything to do with your ability to remove the negotiation process with yourself, and engrain habits, behaviors, thoughts and patterns that SERVE you in the highest sense.
It’s putting in the time UNDER THE SURFACE to find your leaks and patch them with care.
It’s going so slow you don’t even know where the effort ended and the ease began.
It’s not sexy. It’s not a 10 day Quick Fix. It doesn’t happen overnight. You don’t master it from an Instagram or blog post!
It takes work. But it’s work of the Life Changing variety.
AS SUCH, this is precisely why the foundation of my work and coaching revolves around your mindset.
When you can understand, reason with, and take control of that noggin of yours, an entire universe of possibility opens up to you.
To work with me and make change in the post powerful of ways, check out the following:
THE NUTRITION LAB (currently closed)
Don't Fall for This HUGE Nutrition Myth
It's trendy af right now but don't heed this flawed advice
I originally shared this as an email to my She Thrives VIP Members, but the feedback was so overwhelming that I opted to make it public to be sure I got my message across, so here goes.
And if you're not a VIP yet, be sure to join to get stuff like this, advice, support, insight and all the gooness you love from She Thrives delivered into your inbox every Monday morning, for free.
I've also written about this before in this post, but decided to take it a step further today.
Over the last week or so, I've seen a few repeated messages about healthy living coming from professionals, industry leaders, high profile influencers, and more, and I just started to get fired up. I think the kicker was the episode of Top Chef where they brought on the US Surgeon General as a judge, and asked contestants to make "healthy' versions of comfort foods: low fat and vegetarian. (To which he was served gorgeous looking but 200g carb plates filled with breads, sugar, tofu, soy, and other imitation meat products. Super healthy, I wonder why the US has a weight problem?)
So I wanted to take a minute to set the record straight about something.
"Plant based is the healthiest way to eat."
Just, no.
Listen, if veganism, vegetarianism, or a similar structure makes you feel like a million bucks, to that I say: awesome! Do more of what makes you feel great, and don't let me stop you. Seriously.
I'm not trying to make you feel badly about your personal choices, and there is no one size fits all plan. And I GENUINELY believe some people in some circumstances CAN thrive on this nutrition. Because again: we're all different.
But. The amount of people I see trying to move more and more towards a plant based diet ONLY because they believe it is the path to their healthiest, happiest life, is staggering.
This is where I'm getting fired up. Though I can't say I'm totally surprised.
There is SO MUCH confusing, conflicting, and downright bad nutrition science out there so it can be so difficult to establish fact from fiction, and it's more confusing when some professionals, doctors, (tv shows) and governments alike are still recommending the same outdated advice.
But you need to hear me when I say this:
Animal protein (and products in general) ARE a part of a healthy diet. Period.
And yes, quality matters, not only from a nutritional standpoint, but an ethical and environmental one as well. So when you can, opt for organic, grass fed, pasture raised, hormone free, ethically raised and sustainably sourced meats.
Meat doesn't inherently add to inflammation or disease, but the food our food eats is what does. Which is why quality really matters.
The other important point to consider here is the vote you cast with your dollars, because I completely agree that the system is broken, governmental subsidies are fucked, and the whole thing needs a BIG overhaul.
Think of politics, if you will... even if your candidate options aren't *exactly* what you want, does sitting out and not voting at all EVER change the system? No. You cast your vote for the best option available because every vote matters and it's your right and privilege to get to have a say in the process at all-- and it's the same when it comes to the livestock and agricultural systems in our country.
Put your money where it counts and support the people who are doing it RIGHT so that we can keep moving the needle. Sitting out of it entirely and hoping it fixes itself isn't a solution.
And yes, vegan or vegetarian meals are and can be perfectly healthy on their own. Duh. Side note: you can be "plant based" and still eat meat. I'm not saying veggies aren't vital, I'm saying meat (usually, for most of us) is too.
But seriously, 1995 called and it wants it's diet back. The "whole grains, low fat, meat-free" approach is so over. So can we just move the f*ck on already?
Look. You KNOW I'm all about that "do you" life, and I mean it: do what makes you feel awesome. If you are choosing this nutrition based on your own personal preferences, tastes and proven track record of making you feel amazing, far be it from me to tell you to change anything.
BUT.
(And this is a pretty big but)
If you're making your nutrition decisions based off of:
- The USDA food pyramid, cuz the government definitely knows what's best for us (did you hear my eyes roll?)
- A Netflix documentary (please oh please read this)
- An Instagram celebrity
- The claim that broccoli delivers as much protein as a chicken breast (um, no.)
- That you only need <40g of protein a day anyway or can't absorb more than 20g of protein at a time (don't even get me started)
- The notion that tofu is a better choice than a grass fed filet
- The claim that easing up on your meat intake is better for you in ANY way
..It's time to nip that shit in the bud.
Don't let any of those (ludicrous) things convince you into feeling like you aren't "supposed" to be eating meat.
Which brings me to my next point: shaming people for meat consumption is just as bad as shaming people for their bodies: there is NOTHING wrong with it, and it is perfectly healthy as it is. Take your judgement elsewhere, please and thank you.
I am so over it. And not just because shaming anyone about their food (or body) is completely uncool, but because in this circumstance, it's also actually wrong. It's just plain old, outdated, and straight up bad advice.
So I hope you hear me when I say:
"Plant based" is not the optimum (or only!) path to a strong, thriving, healthy, long-lived, happy body and life.
Because you know what the BIGGEST myth masquerading as fact is that I want to address here? That there's ANY perfect, ideal, holy grail, superior path to health. THAT idea is all dogma and zero fact.
(Read this Instagram post to learn more about this notion).
You do not have to force yourself into veganism or white knuckle your way through any plan or template to be a healthy, happy person, no matter how trendy it may seem right now. (There's a reason these trends come and then go, btw). So please don't let anyone convince you otherwise.
If you want to learn more about this myth and the myriad ways it's flawed, here's some of my recommended reading:
The Big Fat Surprise
Grain Brain
It Starts With Food
Eat the Yolks
And if you're wondering about the ethical and environmental considerations of meat eating, please oh please go poke around this AMAZING website, Sustainable Dish.
THE BOTTOM LINE:
If animal products just aren't your cup of tea, keep on doin' you, with NO apologies! Otherwise, enjoy your meat and dairy and rest easy knowing it's absolutely a part of a healthy diet, and don't let anyone shame you into feeling like you're doing it wrong.
(Don't forget to eat your greens too though, k?)
And if you haven't yet read this blog post of mine, you might like this one too:
The Four Biggest Health + Fitness Myths to Stop Believing Right Now
January 2018 Favorites: What I'm Obsessed With Right Now
The stuff I'm loving right now from the kitchen to the office to the gym and the skincare cabinet!
Monthly favorites are back! And man alive do I have some things to share with you guys! If you've been wondering about what I've been loving these days, look no further: the run down is all right here for you.
ATTENTION, SEATTLE AREA FRIENDS!
If you live in the Seattle area and you are a CrossFitter, COME HANG WITH ME!
I'm hosting a totally free Open Prep Workshop with my friends at Lululemon, and I can't wait to share everything I know about getting your body + mind running in tip top shape to have the best + most fun Open ever.
KITCHEN
As someone who is VERY picky about how they like their coffee (canned/culinary coconut milk or heavy cream only-- none of this "substitute" garbage TYSM), I was completely surprised by how much I loved this non-dairy collagen-based creamer.
Not only is the taste (and texture!) on point, but it boasts 10g of protein to boot. If you're in the market for an unleveled coffee experience, one heavy on the micronutrients and light on the excuses, this is your product.
It also comes in handy-dandy single serve packets to bring to work, on vacay, etc., as well as other flavors.
Check out more of my favorite supplements in my Favorites Shop + Episode 8 of She Thrives Radio.
I found this on the shelf of my local Whole Foods and was really impressed by it!
These sauces are water based, Whole30 compliant, Paleo, gluten free, etc, meaning they meet pretty much any dietary requirements with clean ingredients and low macros.
I combined the Citrus Herb with Mega Med Spice Blend from Balanced Bites (obsessed with those blends) and made some bomb-ass shrimp + veggies.
If you're looking for an easy way to spice up your meal routine, this might be it!
ACCESSORIES
Ok so I have shared these glasses before, but wore them recently in my stories and you guys went BANANAS for them, so wanted to link them again for you here!
And there is one difference fro the last time I shared these: these here are the "mini" version of the glasses. The originals are oversized and look awesome on most faces, but for those of us with tiny heads (ahem!), they were overpowering-- so the brand released a smaller version.
The minis fit MY face size much better, so now I just own both sizes! Worth it, cuz look how cute.
BEAUTY & SKINCARE
I have been hearing about the wonders of this moisturizer for a while now, and when I was able to exchange some Sephora points for a "free" sample, I jumped at the opportunity. (Note: It's the sample size in the photo, not the full size!)
And now I see exactly what all the hype is about: it's amazing, and I don't even know how to explain it.
The cream transforms into a water feeling as you're applying it to your skin, and you can tell your skin just got a dose of nutrients dense moisture. It isn't greasy or heavy, but it's intensely moisturizing, and just makes you skin feel... HEALTHY. I am getting the full size ASAP and have become and instant die-hard fan.
HOME + OFFICE
I recently shared about this book on my Instagram feed, and caused QUITE a frenzy. I have heard from so many of you who immediately bought the book and are working your way through, and that makes me so happy!
This is not your average "self help" book. This is a deep dive into human psychology, behavior science, genetic and family traits, and a ruthless (but liberating) tearing into all of the stories, narratives, belief systems and experiences that you are operating your entire life under... That are probably keeping you stuck.
It'll make you cry, laugh, question everything, open you up to some real shit, and rebuild you as your truest, best self.
I've gotten quite a few questions about both my podcasting microphone and headphones so wanted to share here for you!
This Blue microphone is affordable, high quality, and cute enough to live on my desk in eye sight 24/7.
I'd highly recommend this one to anyone looking for a great mic on a budget!
I use mine with a pop filter.
RIWBOX HEADPHONES
These headphones are cute, effective, foldable, and have a long cord so I'm not getting jerked around as I record or listen to music.
I will say that the ear "pockets" are on the smaller side, which works for me, as we already discussed my small head situation.
They are affordable ($26) and get the job done while I save my pennies for Beats!
That's it! What are you obsessed with these days? Anything out there I need to try? Let me know in the comments!
Wanna poke around some of my other favorites? I do this round up every month, so head here to see ALL THE THINGS!
And remember that you can always check out my all-time favorites (read: ride or die, go-to products) and recommendations from everything from skincare to cookbooks in my shop tab!
Disclaimer: this post may contain affiliate links, which pay me a small percentage if you purchase the item. These links allow me to run this blog, so I appreciate your support!
Is "Moderation" Really Achievable? Or Sustainable? Or Healthy?
Can mere mortals achieve moderation? Does it work for or against your goals? Is it healthy? What's the secret? Let's discuss.
Isn't "moderation" one of those really fucking annoying words? A word that gets thrown around so often and so effortlessly, by people who seem to have all their shit together, as if it's the simplest, easiest solution to all your healthy lifestyle challenges?
"Of course you can eat cake and cookies, just do it 'in moderation'". "Everything in moderation!". Insert eye roll here.
I used to look at the women slinging the "moderation" lifestyle with both envy, awe, and a little dash of "fuck you". Because to me, as an all-or-nothing, in or out, I'm-fucking-doing-this-thing or I'm-not-at-all kind of person, moderation seemed not only unattainable, but counter intuitive.
Like first of all, isn't it kind of against the point to be pursuing health or fat loss or fitness, while also eating cookies? If you're going for gold, why would you add moderation? Isn't that going to slow you down?
And second of all, how easy it is for you to say, you bikini-clad, cellulite-less, goddess looking woman who clearly is at Life Expert Level 97, to just casually add in treats when you feel like it, like it's no big deal. DO YOU KNOW ME? When the box is open, there's no stopping me. What fucking mortal can eat pizza or brownies in moderation?
I pursued the intense, in or out approach to diet for YEARS upon years. I'd feel pretty good when I was "on", but every on period came with an equal (or worse) "off" period. But this was just my nature, as an all-or-nothing type person, so what could really be done here?
It wasn't until I started doing lots of focused mindset work that I realized that actually, I could go "off plan" here or there, without it spiraling into a 3 week Oreo induced coma. The more I practiced self care and acceptance, the more I got to know myself. And the better I got to know myself, the more compassion and understanding I had with myself. And the more compassion I have, the easier it is to handle cravings or "slip ups" with ease, with no guilt or remorse.
In other words, the secret to *actually* living with moderation lies in your MINDSET. How you're thinking about food, the rules you put in place, the stories you're telling yourself about who you are and what you can and cannot do, your feelings about your body, what you feel you should be doing, your feelings of guilt, your idea of perfection, and so much more.
While I do think there can certainly be a time and a place for living on the extreme ends of the spectrum, the truth is this: most of our life is NOT spent in the extremes, but rather, in the gray area in between.
And while I used to think that moderation was for people who just weren't as determined or disciplined as I was (or for alien creatures with no taste buds or soul), time, practice, work, and a lot of experience has taught me otherwise.
Moderation IS actually the way to build a healthy lifestyle, BECAUSE it is what is most sustainable.
"Moderation" isn't eating brownies every day or going HAM on your favorite treat, like I used to think it was: it's simply learning to enjoy treats or "fun" food with no feelings of guilt or remorse attached, and then move right along to your regularly scheduled programming of mostly health supporting foods. That's all.
Plus, it's WAY more fun. Stepping out of the boxed programs and labeled diets, living according to your own rules, and eating how you please is a much more balanced, long term approach to health.
I wrote about why I broke up with paleo in this wildly popular blog post here.
Moderation allows us to even out those crazy highs and lows, offs and ons, and instead live in a steady state in between.
And yes, it IS achievable. But it can take work.
This is precisely why I created She Thrives Academy: to teach you everything I know about turning the all-or-nothing cycles with food into a balanced, easy, lifestyle.
The bulk of this program is MINDSET work, which will completely change your relationship to food, and even your own body. It will help you claim a lifestyle that you probably didn't imagine could ever be yours, but I promise you, it can be.
Come join me to learn about how to go from the all-or-nothing, on/off cycles with food and lean how to build a FUN, sustainable, balance with food, for GOOD.
Check out these posts for more support on creating balance, moderation, and lasting habits:
How That Sweeping Diet Overhaul is Working Against You
Three Tips for Balanced, Fun Holiday Eating
Leaving the "Paleo" Label and Stepping into My Own Balanced Diet
How That Sweeping Diet Overhaul is Working Against You
It may feel exciting and be well intentioned, but there's a reason these massive changes often don't last. (Bonus inside: a FREE online challenge)
I know the feeling: it's almost a rush of adrenaline and excitement, mixed with sheer determination and anticipation. Today is the day you're changing your life!
You've put a stake in the ground and decided that you're ready to commit for good this time, and you are dedicated to doing whatever needs to be done in order to achieve your health goals. You're fired up, feeling motivated AF and ready to tackle this-- for real.
And why play small here? After all shouldn't your change be reflective of your level of determination?
Plus you're an all-or-nothing type, especially when it comes to food, so it's go big or go home time.
"I do declare that from this day forward I will now start eating breakfast, be a vegan, track my macros, hit 100g of protein every day, stop eating sugar, go paleo, drink more water, stop eating carbs, start 6 new supplements, and do a Whole30 for 90 days!"
That aught to do it, right?
I hope your'e sitting down.
The reason you've felt defeated, disappointed, devoid of willpower and unable to stick to anything you've tried before, is because these massive, sweeping, (albeit mostly well intentioned), top to bottom health overhauls are actually a trap.
These extreme cycles are not only exhausting and draining, but they aren't giving you a fighting chance for lasting change. See exhibit A:
Super motivated! > Changes everything > Motivation fades > Why is this so hard > I can't do this, I'll never hit my goals > Eats all the things (#fuckit) > Gets tired of feeling less than awesome > Super motivated!
This is one of the biggest things I teach in my 6 week food + mindset course, THE NUTRITION LAB. Getting out of this cycle can take WORK, but it’s 100% doable, and I show you exactly how in this course.
So what's a girl to do instead? Though it might not be as sexy as the pantry clean out and swearing off dessert for the next 60 days, the answer lies in the small, subtle, MANAGEABLE behaviors and micro-goals you make to your meals, your day, your mindset, and your overall health.
The little things that seem almost too easy to accomplish, but you know you can do. Starting with baby steps, while slowly and patiently adding other step when the previous step is mastered, is the key to SUSTAINABLE shifts in your diet, fitness and overall health.
If you're looking for a little guidance on what these steps look like or how to go about this more gentle approach to creating change, I've got something you're gonna like:
A free small step cheat sheet and guide to how to implement them:
Enter your email here and grab your free copy of the Small Step Guide:
Upgrade Your Health Goals: Instead of a Goal Weight, Try This
Got yourself a goal weight, dream pant size or body fat percentage that you're chasing? Upgrade your health goals with this one trick.
The new year is here and resolutions are in the air. I don't know the actual statistic is on this, but it's no secret that an overwhelming amount of Americans (especially women) tend to have some sort of health goal among their resolutions.
Usually, it boils down to losing weight, losing body fat, or hitting a "goal weight". And I've certainly been part of this group before, so no shade if that's where your focus currently is!
It's always ok to have aesthetic goals or to want to change the way you look-- far be it from me to tell you what you should want for yourself. But today I want to offer you little tip that will completely upgrade your health goals and add sustainability to your pursuit, and overall serve YOU so. much. more. deeply.
Instead of setting and chasing a "goal weight", try this: set and chase a "goal feeling".
What do I mean by that, exactly? Well, it will take a little bit of brainstorming on your behalf to think about how you REALLY want to feel, but it's worth the effort. This is Step 1 of the process.
How do you want to FEEL? Here are some examples to get you started:
Vibrant. Happy. Powerful. Sexy. Strong. Confident. Graceful. Balanced. Grateful. Healthy. Empowered. Radiant.
Think of a word (or three! There are no rules here!), and when you've got it nailed down, you're ready for Step 2. Ask yourself:
What can I do right now to feel the way I want to feel?
So often we think that in order to feel a certain way, we've got to wait until the feeling strikes us to be able to take action towards our goals. Like we need to feel motivated first, and then we'll get it done. Like we need to feel happy or in a good mood, and then we'll go work out. Like we need to feel like we're in a nurturing, self-caring space, and then we'll eat better.
This thinking that a feeling will inspire us to action is flawed. In reality, ACTION INSPIRES FEELING. Meaning, you've gotta do something to achieve that feeling.
Step 3 is (you guessed it) doing the damn thing.
So when you want to feel motivated, you need to get up and do it, whether you want to or not. The mere act of doing it will inspire a feeling of accomplishment that will have you asking, what's next? (Cue the sweet, sweet wave of momentum).
When you want to feel strong, do something that makes you feel strong: lift some heavy weights, hold warrior for 3 minutes, run as fast as you can!
When you want to feel healthy, feed yourself all the nourishing foods, drink your water like you're getting paid to do it, and get your precious sleep.
Can you see how this mindset will allow you to be TRULY nourishing yourself in real, tangible ways, versus you feeling like you can't have any yummy food because you're "on a diet"?
You're putting the POWER back in your hands, and you're crafting your reality. You're making your actions align with your goals, and most importantly, in a way that's TRULY serving you.
And here's the most important part: you've got to do this stuff regularly. So not just one lifting session and then waiting for motivation to strike again. Not just one nourishing meal until you crave veggies again. Nah.
Decide on your goal feeling and stick the f*ck to it. Take action towards that feeling as regularly as you possibly can, and there will be a point in time, that might just be so subtle you fail to even notice it lapse, where instead of you, purposefully crafting the feeling of 'strong' or 'healthy', you actually become those things.
It's the most insane magic trick you could ever possibly pull on yourself and it is so much damn fun. WAY more fun than chasing a number on your scale, I promise.
Instead of weighing yourself every day, chasing a body fat percentage or pant size (which do nothing to reflect your actual state of health, fitness, worth, happiness or quality of life, by the way), UPGRADE YOSELF.
Because the truth is, how you feel IS your happiness, your health, and your quality of life. And you might just find that by chasing a goal feeling, your other goals will fall into place.
After all, you'll be acting with intention, you'll be serving your body and your mind, and you'll be pursuing something that sends endless ripples of positivity and empowerment into every area of your life. Versus, a meaningless number on your jeans or scale.
You'll not only be taking your life and happiness into your own hands, but you'll be seeking change out of a place of LOVE for yourself, instead of fear or shame.
It's a win/win.
So I ask you: How do you want to feel?
What can you do right now to feel the way you want to feel?
Chase that goal feeling and see what becomes possible for you in 2018.
Want some ideas on how to get yourself feeling the way you want to feel? I've written about it quite a bit! Dig into these posts:
The Secret to Finding and Keeping Motivation, in Fitness + Beyond
How to Stop Waiting to Lose Those "Last 10 Pounds" to Live a Life You Love
The 4 Biggest Health + Fitness Myths You Need to Stop Believing Right Now
It’s no surprise to anyone that the health and fitness world is one with LOTS of noise. The problems in this industry range far and wide, from old science and just BAD information, to assaulting you with you with “shoulds” every minute of every day, to preying on your own insecurities to make you feel guilty or ashamed of your body or your lifestyle. As such, there’s A LOT of things I could rant on here (and I tend to address some of these points in most of my posts here on this blog), but today I wanted to focus on the following four, as these misconceptions can leave us feeling broken, hungry, frustrated or, at worst, sick. And notably, all of these are coming from industry leaders.
Because even as most of us become more knowledgable, more confident, and more aware of the fitness and nutrition industry nonsense machine, a few messages still seem to be getting through that I wish my readers (and everyone!) would stop believing.
And of course, all of these could be their own post (or book!), so I’m touching on the most important points briefly. You ready? Here goes.
#1: EAT LESS, MOVE MORE
This one can be confusing, because not only is it age old advice that we’ve all heard in some capacity a million times over from doctors and nutritionists and magazines and even our coaches or trainers, but it CAN actually work for some people.
For some folks, all they need to do to change their health, body and life is to begin to move more, and mind what they're eating; usually dropping their daily caloric intake and going for a run. These people are usually severely overweight, untrained, sedentary, or otherwise totally new to their own health journey. As such, this advice can be impactful for this population, at least for some period of time.
However, if you have been training for a while, are a regular exerciser or a regular intense exerciser (hello, CrossFitters!), this strategy simply does not work. At some point, being on a severe caloric deficit actually begins to work AGAINST you, and if you’re trying to fix it by training even more and eating even less, you will not only feel it in the gym and in your overall energy levels, but you'll probably see it on your waistline too.
The path to a hard body, a healthy gut and a happy mind is paved with smart training and sufficient fuel. Not lettuce for dinner and 3 hours of cardio. In fact, spending hours on end at low or moderate intensity (jogging, etc) can also be working against you. Want to get lean and strong? Ditch the cardio and pick up the weights. And eat to support your training.
Eating more can be a scary thing for a lot of women, because the industry has told us it's wrong or bad. The best place to start to ensure you’re eating enough to support your muscle, fat loss efforts, energy levels and overall health and well being? Enough carbs and adequate protein. (And no, I don’t just mean 2 eggs for breakfast and a yogurt snack pack). This leads us into myth #2.
More reading on this topic:
Cardio vs strength training: which is better for fat loss?
Why eating less is sabotaging your weight loss efforts
Watch: How eating MORE can get you closer to your goals
#2: YOUR BODY CAN ONLY ABSORB 20-30G OF PROTEIN PER SITTING
Years and years ago, there used to be a concept swirling around in the nutrition world that said that a human body can only absorb 20-30g of protein in one sitting, and all protein consumed beyond this point would either go to waste or be stored as fat. These days, this is widely understood to be a myth (any quick Google could tell you that— this topic is WELL researched, with many definitive studies), but yet I STILL see it being perpetuated in some circles. This can be especially misleading and confusing for those who are trying their darnedest to up their protein intake and properly address myth #1. You're eating too much, you need to eat more. You need more protein, you're eating too much protein.. So, let’s talk.
First of all we need to remember that protein does a hell of a lot more than just support our gainz. Studies have shown that 20-30g of protein seems to be the amount that tends to be used towards protein synthesis, or muscle repair and building, and about how much we absorb at any given time. But just because we don't absorb it ALL AT ONCE doesn't mean it doesn't eventually get absorbed and used! Our body’s use for protein does not begin and end with muscle building. And most studies on this topic have shown that upward of 90% of the protein you eat, eventually gets absorbed and gets put to good use in one way or another.
(But on the topic of muscle building, studies on intermittent fasting and protein consumption have shown that consuming an entire day’s worth of protein in a short window did not negatively impact muscle retention and growth, which further shows us that protein absorption was not hindered by high intake all at once).
And evolutionarily speaking, how could that really make sense? When our primal ancestors hunted and feasted on a rare animal protein, do you think their bodies simply stopped absorbing more than a neat little 3 oz serving at one time? Um, no. As Mark Sisson puts it, "Digestion takes a long time, and it’s not a segmented procession of different meals through the gastrointestinal tract. Food isn’t separated into 'meals' in your stomach. It’s just all food, all mashed together. If you still have breakfast in your stomach when your lunch enters the picture, lunch and breakfast will meet and mingle."
Now, I will say there's a variability element to consider here. For example, a petite, 5’ 2” 100 pound sedentary woman might not absorb and utilize the exact same amount as a 250 lb, 6’ 4” strongman competitor or linebacker, because your body will absorb and use what it NEEDS— it doesn’t just stop at some arbitrary number or "meal". (And how much do you really need? That's a huge source of confusion, too. But no. it's NOT the RDA, and no, you're not getting enough. Read this & the links below).
Other factors, like your protein sources and your body’s levels of micronutrients like zinc (along with anti-nutrients like lectin and phytate) also play a role in absorption. And wild excess CAN start to work against some bodies at some point, just like anything else (we’re talking WILD excess though).
The research and science is clear here. So can we put this myth to rest already? Your body will use ANY amount of protein you feed it in a sitting, somehow, someway, so always be sure you're getting enough.
Read more on this topic:
How much protein should I be eating?
The benefits of a high protein diet
Why protein is so important beyond muscle growth
#3: PLANT BASED IS THE HEALTHIEST DIET
So I do want to preface this section with this: I am a firm supporter of the Do You Boo system. Meaning, if plant based makes you feel fucking radiant, then do it. I also realize that some people choose this eating style for a variety of reasons, like simple taste or texture preference, and I understand that. This is mostly for those who feel like they NEED to be plant based in order to be healthier.
If you are opting to go without any animal products (or animal protein) simply based on the claim that this is the superior diet for ultimate health, I encourage you do some more reading on this topic.
(And there’s no denying the health benefits of plants here— I’m NOT suggesting you stop eating veggies! We must make sure we are getting adequate greens and micronutrients in a large variety and volume on a daily basis for our health, period. But if we stop there, we are coming up short.)
Because there's SO MUCH to unpack in this topic, and the rabbit holes run DEEP down every single argument to this claim, I decided to just offer some extra reading for you here, if you're interested. Again, do what makes YOU feel BEST.
But I do want to say this, as it builds off out last 2 myths: If you are attempting to sustain yourself on solely plant based protein sources, man alive have you got your work cut out for you. Adding hemp seeds to your salad just isn’t going to cut it. If getting TRUE adequate protein while eating chicken breast and steak is a lot of work, can you image how hard it is to get there with seeds and grains alone? (Which, btw, aren't protein sources, they are fat and carb sources, respectively, with a little protein).
And while there are some legit plant based protein sources, most of the popular ones actually work against internal health: namely things like soy, grains and legumes.
There is no one diet that is perfect for everyone and I encourage you to experiment with everything to find what works for you, but if you're feeling pressure and think "plant based is the only route to health", you need to know that this concept is simply false.
Read more on this topic:
Plant based protein vs animal protein
Why quality of animal protein matters
More protein, better protein, from an RD
What about sustainability and ethical considerations?
What about that popular new Netflix flick?
How do herbivores get so muscular then?
Also see: any book from my favorites shop
#4: NO PAIN, NO GAIN. WHAT'S A "REST DAY"?
Lastly, we have another popular belief that drives me crazy to see, especially as a coach! Closely related to the first myth, "move more, eat less", this idea that you have to push your body to it’s absolute limits to either see results, be healthy or fit, or that rest days are for the weak, is not only misleading and wrong, but downright dangerous.
More is NOT better. The concept of “minimal effective dose” is an important one to keep in mind when it comes to intense exercise. Meaning, while movement and pushing your limits is great for your body and mind and health, it can absolutely be taken too far. Getting in the minimum effective dose (one that brings you fitness and health and mental clarity and makes you better) is essential, but taking it beyond that starts to erode a few very important systems-- and ultimately, your health.
Because at the end of the day, what your body sees this as, is STRESS. Your body doesn’t know the difference between stress from work, from that fight with your partner, from that one rep max back squat, from that epic to do list, and that half marathon you ran last weekend. It all gets processed the same.
This doesn’t just make us feel tired-- it actually sets off a “cascade of biochemical responses that can cause serious damage to one’s health in both the short and long term”, as Chris Kresser puts it.
This idea of bragging about “no rest days” or pushing our bodies so hard we get ill makes me CRINGE. It is not cool, not “hard core” or disciplined or impressive, and most certainly not a healthy relationship to exercise. If you are feeling like you are addicted to your training (or stimulus); if you struggle to take a rest day; if you're training like a pro but you're not a pro; if the thought of going a week or 2 months without your exercise of choice sends you into a panic; then you really need to take a long, hard look here.
Movement is so important to health, and I believe firmly in the benefits of a tough, physical challenge and regular exercise. But there's a fine line between training hard and overtraining, or even exercise addiction. How many rest days are you taking and how often (not "active recovery"). How much and how well are you sleeping? Are you allowing for quieter seasons or pushing hard 24/7?
It's important to know the distinction between pushing hard and muscle burn/fatigue, vs a real injury or pushing too far to stay safe and illness/injury free. And you must be recovering JUST as hard as you're training if you intend to see any lasting results from your hard work.
And it's always a good idea to take an honest look at our relationship to exercise, and ask ourselves if it's truly serving us with how we are using it.
More reading on this topic:
The three stages of overtraining
Why you may need to exercise less
Embracing the seasons of your fitness journey
TO SUM UP:
Ditch the hamster wheel and pick up some weights. Eat! Be sure you're getting enough fuel to support your training and build strong bones and lean muscles, especially protein. And yes your body will absorb and use it all, so don't skimp. Don’t be pressured into thinking that plant based is superior to omnivorous diets-- while it's not for everyone, eating high quality animal products and protein IS part of a healthy diet. Train with intensity, not intense volume, and be sure it’s fun. Four hours of cardio every day is not effective and likely woking against you in myriad ways. Rest and recovery is JUST as important as your exercise, and should come at a 1:1 ratio. And, don't fear the slower seasons. More isn't better. Better is better.
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How Going Paleo Changed My Life, and Why I'm Not "Paleo" Anymore
I don’t really remember when it started, but I remember everything I did to try to fix it; the dozens of doctor appointments, the daily pills, and even the time I was put under anesthesia and had a camera stuck down my throat and into my stomach. I remember the gastrointestinal specialist who looked me square in my 22 year old face and told me that the only place he’d seen acid reflux as bad as mine was on overweight, middle aged men. He then told me I was a perfect candidate for esophageal surgery, and that that was likely my only hope to fix the constant pain of my severe GERD (gastroesophageal reflux disease).
Heartburn and GERD were things I had been dealing with for years. Almost 10 years, to be exact. I saw all the doctors, avoided acids and citrus and tomatoes, and was on a solid regiment of 2 Prilosec per day, for almost a decade.
Fast forward to 2012, a few months after I had started CrossFit. I found a Groupon on a whim and decided to give CrossFit a try, as I was decidedly in “get my shit together” mode and it seemed like my style of workout. After totally drinking the Kool-Aid, seeing myself lose a bunch of weight, gain new muscle, make huge improvements and strides and PR’s for several months, and even quit smoking in an effort to be better and healthier, after about a year, progress sort of plateaued— as it does. The time had come to take a look at my nutrition.
I gave it a shot, even though I didn't know what could possibly change, because I was already doing everything “right”. I was eating a low fat, near vegetarian diet with lots of whole grains, after all. I decided to hire a professional to help me dig to the bottom of why I had stopped losing weight and getting better in the gym.
My health coach (as some of you OG She Thrives readers will know as Morgan), introduced me to the Paleo lifestyle, and I could not believe what I was seeing. You mean I get to eat butter, bacon (and bacon fat!), and all the things I’ve been trying so hard to limit my entire life?! Not only do I get to eat it, but it’s actually GOOD for me?!
EVERYTHING CHANGED
It was a revelation. A fucking delicious revelation. I was obviously really into it.
I stepped up my sourcing game and started eating meat again; meats had to be pasture raised or grass fed; I started taking a probiotic and ate things like sauerkraut; I started eating nutrient dense carbs like sweet potatoes and squash instead of rice and pasta.
But what I thought was most interesting of all, was not quite the deliciousness that I was adding IN to my diet, but the things that I was taking OUT.
I cleaned out my pantry and threw out every bag of baking sugar and flour, all the oatmeal, the granola bars and Kashi cereals. I tossed the Diet Coke, the boxes of pasta, the cans of beans, the tortilla chips. I threw out the bags of edamame and bottles of soy sauce.
I stopped eating all grains and legumes and soy; I stopped eating dairy; I developed a very discerning eye on the very few remaining processed foods left in my kitchen and only the “clean” ones stayed; I cut way back on alcohol to almost none; added sugars only appeared in my diet in a few places, and only if they were natural or naturally occurring. I completely stopped consuming any form of industrial oils, and tossed every bottle of canola oil or vegetable oil based products in my home.
Actual photo of a fraction of my pantry clean out: the baking cabinet.
And things changed. BIG things changed. I was feeling more full and satisfied after every meal. My energy skyrocketed and I started to see and feel it in the gym. I was leaning out again. And most shocking of all, my heartburn completely ceased to exist. It was just— gone. Done. Over. Not a thing. I had finally cured the core issue: a leaky gut and low stomach acid (yeah, that's right). I threw my remaining Prilosec in the trash and haven’t looked back in over 4 years.
Note: If you're interested in how mainstream science has it backwards when it comes to heartburn/GERD, and how to TRULY fix the issue instead of applying a band-aid, read this ebook from Chris Kresser.
I also realized that I was highly sensitive to gluten, and developed atrocious bloating, digestive issues and abdominal discomfort after even a bite, and I couldn’t believe I had been eating gluten almost every day of my entire life.
A sampling of some of the dozens of books i pored through- still some of my FAVORITE recommendations!
In fact, I shuddered to think what I had been putting my body through all those years without ever realizing it. Without so much as even questioning it! It was startling, scary, and truly life changing.
Seeing and feeling the benefits of this way of eating threw me into total fascination, and I embarked on a journey to learn every last thing I could about the Standard American Diet, the flaws in mainstream nutrition science, and how this alternative approach could change millions of lives-- and especially the entire autoimmune illness industry. I pored over articles and studies and books, and soaked it all up.
Fun Fact: This is the start of how this blog was born!
BUT THEN
After about a year of living decidedly “paleo”, I was sold on its benefits and was profoundly grateful for finding it and allowing it to change my life in only the best ways. Eventually, though, I found myself reaching for a handful of tortilla chips here, or a sprinkling of cheese there, or a bowl of popcorn, or even a rogue processed food, like frozen meatballs or a protein bar.
I realized that I could eat these things without a negative reaction, and my body and mind handled them just fine. (Not gluten though— that one was out for good). I also realized that a different macro ratio, namely, going a lower fat and higher carb than the "paleo purists" recommend, worked best for my body.
But what I also realized was that I was eating under a label. I was in a category, following a protocol, where there were rules, and where you could do it wrong (“that’s not paleo”). I realized that I could take the valuable lessons I learned and the knowledge I gained (not only about nutrition science at large but about my own body), and using that to forge my own, more inclusive diet.
I will also say that it's widely understood in the paleo community that "paleo" is merely a template, for you to be able to build on to create your own specific plan, but:
LET ME EXPLAIN
I still steer clear of industrial oils, but don’t panic when I see canola oil on an ingredient list— I just don’t eat that thing so often, and I buy mayos made from avocado oils instead. I don’t believe sugar (refined or otherwise) is the devil incarnate, but I personally don’t eat a lot of it (some days are better than others), and I think the SAD does include much too much for most people. I find that adding grains like corn and rice to my day make me feel great, but I still steer clear of gluten and quinoa, because those make me feel terrible. I still don’t eat soy in my own home, but will definitely hit up the edamame plate when we go out for sushi (though I dip the sushi in GF tamari). I still am watchful of ingredient lists but have removed the word “clean” from my food vocabulary.
I also learned that well sourced meat is always important, that saturated fat is nothing to fear, and that I can absolutely live without some of the things I thought I couldn't live without.
I still eat with my gut health in mind, but don’t fret if I don’t do it perfectly.
And that there is the key word: Perfect. When you are eating a way that involves rules, right and wrong, and in or out, you're hoping to follow some idea of perfectionism, and you are ultimately setting yourself up for failure.
I cannot stress how valuable this template was for me and my life, and how it is the FIRST thing I recommend (or doing a whole30, same same), to anyone beginning (or is lost on) their health journey, and is also a super smart “reset”, if needed. I think eliminating the junk and the noise, allowing your body to heal itself from the inside out, and creating the ability to actually HEAR your body when it says it doesn't like something, is something everyone should do at least once. (How would I have ever known about my reaction to gluten if I didn't stop it entirely?) And I think questioning mainstream nutrition science is a good thing— a really good thing.
But I also think that unless you have a specific health condition that requires you to follow the protocol to a T, it’s not a way you’ll eat for the rest of your life.
And that’s ok.
Your happy place with your diet should fall in territory that doesn’t make you feel restricted or deprived; that doesn’t make you feel like you can do it right or wrong; like you are or aren't following the rules; it shouldn’t put you in a box or give you a label.
After a while of explaining my diet as “a loose interpretation of the paleo template”, I decided to distance myself from the word altogether. The way I eat is mine and mine alone (and the same can be said for you), and I don’t need anyone telling me I’m doing it right or wrong.
And yes, between the Standard American Diet and the Paleo Diet, my diet definitely falls much closer to paleo— that’s for sure. But maybe it’s my rebel tendencies, but I just don’t like a label on there, and I think you’d be much more likely to find your own happy balance with food if you did the same: ditch the label, the right and wrong, the good and bad.
Yes, paleo changed my life, and yes I would absolutely recommended it without a shadow of a doubt to anyone who needs a place to start in their health journey, or who is suffering from ailments that are likely caused or worsened by certain foods (like heartburn, or migraines, or joint pain or digestive issues, or acne or eczema, to name a few). If you’re on the fence about trying it, my recommendation would still be YES. It yields such valuable information about your body that you might not ever learn otherwise. How are you supposed to find your ideal diet if you don’t have that knowledge?
And that's precisely the goal: finding your own body's ideal diet. The one that makes it feel the most vibrant, the one that allows your mind to settle in to a good place, the one that keeps you feeling strong, and well fed and happy.
But I would be remiss to recommend it (or anything!) as a permanent fixture, as the only way, or as the right way. The diet that’s right for you is one that is unique to you and you only, and it probably won’t be able to fit into a neat little box.
If you are looking for help finding YOUR body's ideal diet, that doesn't involve rules or right and wrong, I am currently developing a program that will be released in the next month or two that you might be interested in!
I will teach you how to find the foods that make you feel best, the amounts of those foods that allow you to perform optimally, and also teach you to reframe your mindset so that you can CHOOSE those foods on a consistent basis.
SIGN UP FOR OUR MAILING LIST TO BE THE FIRST TO KNOW WHEN ENROLLMENT IS OPEN!
If you ARE looking to try out an anti-inflammatory, gut healing diet or other elimination diet, these resources are my first recommendations.
Your Stories: In Depth with Melissa Hartwig from Whole30
Melissa Hartwig, the New York Times bestselling author and co-founder of the wildly popular and life-changing Whole30 program, has been on a whirlwind tour for her new book, The Whole30. Between pitstops at places like The Today Show, Dr. Oz and The View, she kindly made time to sit down and chat with us for She Thrives, and we are so thrilled to share our conversation with you today! Melissa was absolutely as fun, kind and insightful as we were hoping she'd be, had some amazing answers to our questions, and couldn't have been more gracious.
Read our detailed interview with her to learn all about the way she handles industry pressure, how her own body image and outlook has changed, how she draws on her strength from getting clean to help people with their food issues, and lots lots more.
WHAT INSPIRED THIS NEW BOOK?
Our first book, It Starts With Food, outlined all the scientific background for our general, big picture nutritional recommendations. It was the science behind our 4 good food standards, why we exclude the foods we exclude, and the health benefits of the foods that you’re eating. We outlined the Whole30 in that book, in the way of "here are the big picture recommendations and here’s a way that you can implement these in a self experiment", and we thought that would be enough for people to be really successful with the program.
What we discovered was people would say, "I love the science, I love knowing why I’m doing what I’m doing, I’m super motivated, but I still need to know how to do the program"- We realized that people needed a lot more practical application. We did some focus groups and were surprised by the number of people who said that the Whole30 taught them how to cook. So this book came out of the desire to put everything we thought people needed to be successful with the Whole30 all in one place. So it’s got all of the preparation and getting started, planning tips, the extensive FAQs, and then cooking fundamentals (which we never would have thought to include until people told us they wanted that), and then also 100 recipes.
So the thought behind this book was, if someone asked you about the Whole30 or you wanted to share it with someone, you could hand them this book and walk away, and they could be incredibly successful with the program.
AS THE CREATOR OF THE WHOLE30, DO YOU FEEL A LOT OF PRESSURE TO EAT AND LIVE "PERFECTLY"?
Oh my gosh what an insightful question. I used to. I used to feel like there was a lot of pressure to look a certain way (especially when I had my baby), to eat a certain way, to always exercise, to never have hard days.. But I gave that up a really long time ago when I realized it made me feel like an imposter in my own life. I was setting this standard for myself that I couldn’t expect anyone else to hold up to, and I certainly couldn’t hold up to, and I don’t think that set a good example for our readers. People connect with authenticity, with you sharing pieces of your life, the good and the bad, and hopefully explaining some of the life lessons you’re learning along the way.
So I don’t feel that pressure anymore. There’s still the occasional, "I’m getting up in front of a lot of people today, do I look pretty enough?" kind of thing, but I feel like anyone standing up in front of 400 pople might think that. But for the most part, I really have found great peace in being more genuine in my own life and in my own struggles and sharing that with my readers, and they really seem to connect with that really really deeply.
ONE OF THE THINGS YOU MENTIONED AT YOUR BOOK SIGNING WAS HOW THE WHOLE 30 GETS WOMEN OUT OF THE MIRROR AND OFF OF THE SCALE. HOW WOULD YOU SAY YOUR OWN BODY IMAGE HAS CHANGED SINCE GOING DOWN THIS PATH?
I had been using food so much as a tool for my body composition (either a reward, punishment or comfort), and just not having access to those foods to use in that way forced me to take a look at that and say, "ok I’m really lonely tonight, what am I going to do instead", or "I’m feeling really uncomfortable about my body weight, where is this leading me tonight". So between that and focusing on strength training, and just focusing on getting stronger, I was able to see food and my body in a different light. There would be days that would go by where I realized I hadn’t scrutinized myself in the mirror at all, and that had never happened before.
I think part of this also came with the realization that I don’t have to be perfect and I’m not supposed to be perfect. There used to be a time (this is true), that I used to say "there’s no such thing as too skinny" -honestly- before I started Crossfit, before Whole30. But now for me it’s more important to look healthy than to look any other way, and healthy for me looks 5 or 10 pounds more than what I used to carry. I think pregnancy helped change that too- you gain weight, you’re curvy, everything's bigger, you feel voluptuous, and it changed my perspective enough that I was able to get out of the majority of the body dysmorphia that I had. And I’m still not totally there- I still have my moments. But when I get into that place now I’m able to get out of it so much faster.
ON THAT TOPIC, A LOT OF PREGNANT WOMEN STRUGGLE WITH STICKING TO A PALEO TEMPLATE SIMPLY BECAUSE CRAVINGS AND AVERSIONS START TO TAKE OVER. HOW DO YOU SUGGEST WOMEN HANDLE THIS CHALLENGING TIME?
I highly recommend doing a Whole30 before you get pregnant, so that you can identify the way foods impact you. So when you’re pregnant and having cravings or aversions and you’re having a hard time sticking to a rigid paleo template, you know which of the grains or which of the "off-plan" foods you can eat that aren't going to mess you up in a really major way.
I also like to tell people when it comes to cravings or aversions, shop from your pantry. I used to bring the whole damn grocery store home when I was pregnant- every single thing that I could possibly, maybe want to eat, and every time I’d want to eat I’d go through it all and think "do I want this, or maybe this"... Having a huge variety of really compliant choices would make me oftentimes gravitate towards some things that I wouldn’t have thought I wanted, but because they were there, I could eat them, and they were all healthy and clean.
Constantly reevaluate whether you can or can’t eat a certain food. For me I couldn't eat eggs at 8am, but by 11am, eggs sounded really good. You’re probably going to have to toss meal planning out the window since often you don’t know what you’re going to want until 5 minutes before you’re eating.
And if it’s really a struggle, I just say go back to the foods you know are going to do the least damage- see if you can satisfy that craving with a more compliant version of that food. If you’re craving something super starchy and sweet, instead of a pastry, would maybe a sweet potato drenched in ghee with a little brown sugar and cinnamon do the trick? Get creative. Don’t use this as an excuse to eat all the things, just because you’re pregnant.
FROM EXPERIENCE, I KNOW THAT PROTEIN AND MEAT IN PARTICULAR WAS HARD TO EAT DURING PREGNANCY. ANY TIPS FOR HOW TO KEEP UP YOUR PROTEIN INTAKE WHILE PREGNANT?
When you’re pregnant, your body has a more difficult time getting rid of ammonia (a byproduct of amino acid breakdown), and higher levels of ammonia in your blood and body can be dangerous, so it kind of makes sense that women get an aversion. I think there’s enough evidence to suggest that a super high protein diet isn’t really good for mom or for baby, at least in that first trimester.
But the other piece of it is this: If you’ve been eating a really healthy, high quality diet, if you don’t eat that much protein for a month or two, it’s no big deal. Your body has plenty of vitamin B12 stores and your iron isn’t going to tank in a matter of a month or two, so try to look at this from more of a big picture perspective versus day to day. If you go through your day and can’t get any protein in whatsoever, no problem- your body has a tremendous capacity to buffer, balance and store.
And remember to explore your options and think outside the box! I ate so much canned salmon when I was pregnant- something I never really ate that much of before. Think, could you have sardines right now, do I want salumi, maybe some chicken salad, and eventually something will probably sound good.
WHEN YOU'RE TRYING TO CHANGE YOUR EATING HABITS AND THAT DOUGHNUT OR COOKIE IS STARING YOU IN THE FACE AND YOU'RE DECIDING WHETHER OR NOT TO GIVE IN, WHAT IS YOUR THOUGHT PROCESS LIKE AND HOW DO YOU HANDLE THAT?
The first thing you have to identify is do you actually really want to eat it. The brain does some really funky things when presented with an opportunity to get reward: Dopamine spikes and you get really excited and the anticipation takes over, and it’s like an adrenaline response- fight or flight- am I doing this or not. So I always encourage people to pause, and just take a moment, take some deep breaths to go against that fight or flight stress response, and take that minute to think about what’s going on with this doughnut.
Ask yourself a couple questions: Do I really want to eat this? Is it really going to be worth it? Is this a stale doughnut that’s been sitting out for 4 hours since the marketing meeting, or are you in Portland and planned a visit to the famed VooDoo Doughnuts? There’s a difference. Is it going to mess me up? Will the consequences of eating this be so negative that I will regret this choice?
If you get through all of these questions and you still want the doughnut, then eat the doughnut! That way it’s a conscious deliberate decision, and not a reaction to this reward sitting in front of you.
And if you decide it’s not worth it, the best thing you can do is distract yourself; physically remove yourself from the temptation, call a friend, take a walk, whatever you need to do until that craving breaks it’s hold.
WE KNOW YOU RECENTLY CELEBRATED A BIRTHDAY OF 15 YEARS CLEAN. IT'S RELATIVELY EASY TO SAY OK, I'M NOT DOING DRUGS OR DRINKING ANYMORE, BUT FOOD ISSUES ARE UNIQUE IN THE SENSE THAT YOU ALWAYS HAVE TO EAT- YOU CAN'T JUST STOP. A FAIR AMOUNT OF PEOPLE WHO STRUGGLE WITH FOOD ISSUES ARE ALSO RECOVERING ADDICTS OR ALCOHOLICS. IS THERE ADVICE YOU WOULD GIVE THEM WHERE THEY CAN DRAW ON THE SKILLS USED TO GET SOBER AND CLEAN TO HELP WITH THEIR FOOD ISSUES?
I think I’ve taken a lot from that experience and pulled it into the support we offer on Whole30, perhaps subconsciously. The advice we give people who are recovering from drugs or alcohol is the same advice I would give to people who are really struggling with food, and sugar in particular: You have to change your environment.
When I got clean, I literally threw away tee shirts and hats that reminded me of using, and I couldn’t listen to some music anymore… If you have these powerful associations, you’ve got to cut your ties. We talk about creating space or distance; I tried to create as much of a buffer between me and the drugs as I could, so I dropped all my friends who I knew would give it to me if I asked, I told my whole circle, "If I ever ask you and try to convince you that I’m ok now, you cannot pay attention, and you need to call my mom". So you create a buffer to make distance, and then you rely on support from other people on a regular basis.
It’s the same thing with food. You can’t stop eating, and that’s what makes it so much harder. You have to learn to create a healthy relationship with the thing that you feel addicted to, which is really challenging. But you can still create the space and make your environment really safe; get the tempting stuff out of your house (we’ve got a section in the new book that addresses when you’re the only one in a household doing the Whole30 and you can’t rid the cabinets of all temptations). Talk to your friends and family- communication is so key with this. The more personal you can make this communication, the more effectively you’ll be able to enroll people in this change. Explaining to people why you’re doing what you’re doing, the impact that these negative associations with food are having on your life, or with your relationship with that person, can all help to recruit them to help you.
And then leaning on that support is key. I don’t think anybody coming from a place of sugar addiction or an eating disorder should do the Whole30 without the support of a trained counselor. It’s not just about the food, it’s about why you’re doing what you’re doing. Sugar is a totally real addiction that’s socially acceptable, that often comes with peer pressure too. Relying on that support and adding in tradition psychotherapy or group counseling or meetings or whatever you can do to get that in-person support (a very powerful stress mediator), can be helpful.
And you might not be able to do the Whole30 all in. The rules are not for everyone and they can actually be very triggering. If you need to modify the program for your particular context, do it.
YOU MENTIONED THAT YOU USED TO DO CROSSFIT. WHAT IS YOUR FITNESS ROUTINE LIKE THESE DAYS?
I get into the gym or move outside about 5 days a week, and I do whatever I feel like doing. Right now (because of the book, travel, family, etc), I can’t afford to stress my body with high intensity exercise, and I don’t have the consistency in a gym to have serious performance goals. So my goal right now is to just get in there and move and maintain muscle mass. So I’m doing a lot of kettlebell stuff, some body building stuff, some heavy lifting, walking a lot, hiking occasionally, sometimes some HIIT on the erg, or just throw a bunch of weight on a sled and push it around the gym. Mostly slow and heavy stuff to keep muscle mass and not so much cardio.
I don’t do any work until I’ve gone to the gym- I always start my day with that so that it sets the tone for the rest of the day. My goals in the gym right now are to get back to 5 or 10 dead hang pull ups (since I had my appendix out in January), and I’d love a 1.5 body weight deadlift, but really right now it’s more just about moving and enjoying how good it makes me feel to be active.
WE CAN TELL BY FOLLOWING YOUR SOCIAL MEDIA THAT WOMEN LOVE YOUR HAIR AND CLOSET! IS THERE ANYTHING YOU'D LIKE TO ADD ON THE TOPIC OF BEAUTY OR FASHION?
No, actually there isn’t! It’s so funny, people are always asking for a hair tutorial or something and I just think, "No, I don’t do that!". I just can’t be all things to all people. I’m not a makeup expert or that info fashion.. It’s like "I just wrote this really long and intimate post, and you just want to ask me about my hair?". You’re never going to see me on Like To Know It- it’s just not my thing.
WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE TOTALLY NOT PALEO TREAT YOU HAVE TO HAVE EVERY ONCE IN A WHILE?
If it’s April, it’s a Cadburry Creme Egg. It is the least food-like product in the world. It could literally not be less food. But for me, my mom always put one in my easter basket and I always saved it for last, I always got to eat the whole thing (instead of cutting it in half like I had to do with most treats). So I eat it every year, I love it, I savor it, and I move on.
YOU'VE BEEN RUNNING THE WHOLE9 AND WHOLE30 PROGRAMS FOR A FEW YEARS NOW, AND AN ENORMOUS COMMUNITY HAS BEEN CREATED AROUND THEM. YOU'VE HEARD HUNDREDS, IF NOT THOUSANDS, OF SUCCESS STORIES OF PEOPLE CHANGING THEIR LIFE. WHAT IS THE MOST SATISFYING, MOVING OR IMPACTFUL THING YOU HEAR?
I think it’s the people who say that for the first time in their life they are in control of the food that they eat. They are almost always in tears (which always puts me in tears), because I know just how incredibly freeing that is. If you feel like you’ve been a slave or out of control, you feel weak and like you have no willpower (which is not the case), but when you finally get a handle on that, that’s what I love to hear the most. It comes from men, from women, from 70 year old grandmothers, from teens, everyone. Hearing that people feel like they finally have a good relationship with food is what means the most to me.
There are also amazing medical testimonials- just absolute miracles- and those are always great to hear about too. From a big picture perspective, finally developing a healthy emotional relationship with food, your body, and the scale is really really powerful, and it translates into every other area of your life. It’s the keystone to it all. The confidence that comes along with that just naturally carries over to so many different areas in life.
WHAT'S NEXT FOR THE WHOLE30? WHERE DO YOU SEE THE PROGRAM IN THE FUTURE?
I think we are really going to expand our resources for the “life after your Whole30”- that’s where we have to go next. This book really outlines everything about how to do the program, and though I’ve written pretty extensively about what to do when you’re done (my Dear Melissa series, for example), but I really want to provide people with more information about how to turn this into a healthy lifestyle.
There needs to be more information about talking to friends and family about the way that you’re eating, because when you don’t have the “rules” of the Whole30 to fall back on, you have to learn how to do this in your real life and explain to people, "No, I’m not on the Whole30 anymore but I’m still not eating bread". That was actually my presentation at Paleo FX this year- Food, Friends, and Family, and how to have these conversations with people in your life, since food can be very divisive for people.
We’d like to get more boots on the ground for in-person support and local communities (instead of just online-based), and we’d like to put together a pregnancy resource as well, to offer tips and ideas for nutrition and exercise, and also things like finding a pediatrician, or choosing your childbirth style, and so on.
But mostly we are trying to continue stay true to our roots and very connected to the community. We never want to get so big that we lose touch with our community, and in fact we have been tuning down some pretty big companies who want to partner or promote us, since we don’t want the Whole30 to become a product promotion machine. We want to make it clear that our integrity is more important than this appearance of success by partnering with big names. We will continue to keep advertising off our website, write all our own articles (no ghost writers), and stay active on social media. Yes, we are running a business, but we need to hold onto our roots.
DO YOU HAVE ANY WORDS OF ADVICE FOR WOMEN WHO ARE ON THE JOURNEY OF SELF ACCEPTANCE AND SELF BETTERMENT?
You know it’s funny, so many people say you have to learn to love yourself, and I don’t think we really know what that means. I think it’s been such a long time since we’ve been kind to ourselves, that while that sounds nice to do, in practice it’s really really difficult. A good rule of thumb is never say anything to yourself that you wouldn't say to someone else. If you think about the way we speak to ourselves and the names we call ourselves, how hard we are on ourselves, it's like, you wouldn't say that to a stranger on the street, so why are you treating yourself like that?
So many women identify with their eating habits, their exercise habits, their motherhood status, and so on. They become "I am the healthy eater", or "I am the exerciser", or "I’m the kick-ass employee at work", and when you do that, your entire self esteem is riding on something that is entirely out of your control. What happens when you get sick or lose your job or your kid does something stupid and gets in trouble? I like to try to help women identify the fact that you can’t use these outside factors as a proxy for your self esteem. If you weren’t an athlete or a mother or a healthy eater, who would you be? Are you kind, are you generous, are you loyal, are you dependable, are you fun? Those are all intrinsic things that no one can take away from you. If you can get clear on where you come from in that perspective, then your self esteem comes from you. Get in touch with the things that you value within yourself that no one can take away from you.
FIND MELISSA ON INSTAGRAM AND BLOGGING OVER AT WHOLE 30 AND BE SURE TO PICK UP A COPY OF HER NEW BOOK, THE WHOLE30, IF YOU HAVEN'T ALREADY!
All photographs copyright Taylor Gage Photography. Hair and makeup by Off White Beauty.
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