Skipping the Gym: Laziness or Listening to Your Body?

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On a recent podcast (episode 45) I spoke about self care tips for people who are busy AF, and one of the various tips I included in that episode was that skipping the gym can be self care.

I also made an Instagram post where I referenced this episode, building on this one sliver of the show, and since then, there have been a lot of questions popping up in our private Facebook group.

They're all a little bit different, but at their core, the common denominator is this question:

How can I tell if my desire to skip the gym is an excuse, or if it's self care?

Is it laziness, or is it listening to my body?

And this is SUCH a great question. So I wanted to offer my two cents to you today, er actually, my 3 different strategies for sizing up your urge for down time.

STRATEGY #1:

Here's a quick checklist to run through to see if taking an extra rest day, or two, or 25, is self care or nah:

• If you listen SUPER close to your gut you already know the answer is "rest"

• If you slept like shit last night, or the past few nights

• If you've been going harder than usual in the gym and dialing up your intensity

• If you've have a super stressful week at work

• If you have a nagging injury that won't quiet down

• If you've been exercising consistently 4-5 days a week for months or years

• If you get to the gym and begin working out and immediately feel like you don't want to do it

• If you've been busy AF in your personal life

• If you have a ton weighing on your mind right now

• If the idea of taking an extra rest day sends you into a panic:

You probably need to rest.

For more on how intense exercise compounds stress, listen to episode 37 of She Thrives Radio, all about Overtraining.

STRATEGY #2:

Take a quick shift in your perspective, and instead of worrying about this one extra rest day or two, get a bird's eye view:

In the grand scheme of this year, or your life, do you think this one rest day or week off will make a massive difference?

Is this a season where prioritizing a ton of exercise is of extreme value to you (like training for an upcoming meet)? Or are you working out for general health and wellbeing?

If it's the latter, an extra rest day or 5 is probably in order, ESPECIALLY when you can hear your body whispering that that's what it *actually* wants.

You might also like this blog post: In Defense of an Unbalanced Life: Why Something’s Gotta Give

STRATEGY #3:

Get real (like really RULLY real) with yourself about why taking an extra rest day is so difficult.

What do you fear will happen? How are you concerned it will impact you? How are you feeling about how it may appear to others? Dig in here. You might be shocked at what you find.

We're almost pressured by our current health-obsessed culture to move every single day, and if we don't, we feel like we've failed. But it just isn't that simple!


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If you have even an inkling that your body is saying it wants rest, don't ignore it.

Overriding your body's cues in order to maintain the status quo and do what your Instagram feed makes you believe you must do, is a recipe for trouble.

Feeling like you're being lazy or making excuses because you're skipping the gym ONE DAY is a byproduct of our current culture and conditioning, and it's simply not serving us.

Yes, physical exercise is amazing for our health in myriad ways. I'm not arguing that.

But if you are a healthy, regular gym goer who is taking part in super high intensity exercise on the regular, there absolutely IS a point of diminishing returns.

Don't be afraid to slow down, so that you can go hard when it counts. 

And always remember that while full-on rest is something you should REGULARLY be doing, trading the gym for a walk, yoga, or other low key exercise is just as helpful sometimes.

You're not being lazy or unhealthy by taking extra rest. You are showing up for yourself, listening for what you need, and honoring what you hear.

THAT, my friends, is what health, self care, and wellness is all about.
xo,

Taylor

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The Problem With "Progress" That No One Talks About

"Progress"

I think this word gets thrown around the health and fitness industry more than any other word. Weight loss progress. Pull up progress. Progress over perfection. Progress photos. Progress, progress, progress.

Don't get me wrong: I'm not hating on the word, nor on the concept. I think progress IS valuable to keep in mind, and I like that it keeps the idea of a bit-by-bit, step-by-step  journey front and center.

But there's a dark side to focusing so much on progress, and I've really noticed it start to come out of the woodwork lately. And I don't hear many people talking about this in the fitness space, so I wanted to bring it to your attention, cuz that's part of what I do around here.

When you hear that word, what do you think of? Do you imagine yourself at the end of Progress Road, all finished and shiny and perfect?

For so many of us, "progress" elicits a vision of a linear journey. Like if you just keep showing up, putting in the work, and doing what you're supposed to, you'll arrive at your destination.

We get told to stop competing with others and only compete with ourself, to look at how far we've come, and let that be our guiding light on Progress Road.

We are made to believe that progress is equivalent to being better today than we were yesterday.

And this is where things get sticky.

 What happens if you're not "better" today than you were yesterday? What if you're currently in a season of life where by all measurements, you are on a backslide? 

What if your mile run or Fran time is at an all time slow? What if you can barely deadlift 60% of what you were once able to lift? 

What then?

This is where the emphasis on progress starts to mess with our heads, and fully makes us feel like we have failed. This is where comparing ourselves to even a previous version of our own selves leads us to sink into disappointment and shame. 

We couldn't keep up with being better today than we were yesterday, so we have officially lost all of our progress. What a waste, what an embarrassment, what a shame, right?

Not so fast. 

This is the part that most of the fitness and health industry leaves out of the conversation entirely, and it's important for you to hear:

Everyone's idea of "progress" looks different.

Meaning, for some people, showing up to the gym 4 days a week is progress. For others, hitting PRs and seeing real, measurable improvements in the gym is progress. For others, losing 70 lbs is progress. For others, sticking with a program far after motivation has faded, is progress. For some, not thinking about their body or fitness AT ALL is progress.

No matter what road you're on (and man alive are there LOTS of different roads we are all on), progress will never be linear. If you stick with anything long enough, there will be a point of plateau or even seeming digression (gasp!). And what's more, your focuses and priorities are also guaranteed to shift along the way.

And as so, for some of us, learning to be completely content with where we currently are, no matter how it compares to yesterday, is progress.

Progress isn't always a PR, a measurable output in capacity, a body fat percentage, or a goal hit. 

And that's the problem. In our Instagram world, we believe "progress" looks like one road; one linear, ever improving path, and it just ain't that simple, fam.

Progress can be also be a mindset, an ease and compassion with yourself, time without judgement against yourself, and one step forward on the road to acceptance. 

A place where we take the pressure off of ourselves and needing to outperform our old self in every way, each and every day, and instead embrace the internal, quiet, and slow progress towards embracing what is.

And here's the kicker: this IS progress! This does make us "better than yesterday" in so many senses, just not the kind that you see all over Instagram. But I promise you that *this* progress is some of the most powerful steps you can take in your life.

And hey, if you don't love or accept yourself more today than you did yesterday, that's ok too. That doesn't mean you failed.

Remember that sometimes progress just looks like being able to see yourself clearly in your current moment or experience, without wishing it looked differently or trying to control it.

So the next time you feel discouraged because you can't quite compete with yourself, or that your graph of progress looks more like an EKG than a straight, upward line, remember this:

No journey, whether it be in fitness, health, self love, career, or anything else, is linear. There will ALWAYS be times where you feel as though you're taking two (or twenty) steps backwards, and that your progress is lost.

But know that it's in these moments, in what the outside world might mistakenly judge as dips or backslides, that you are still progressing. Below the surface, you are on a path of growth that no one is seeing, but one that takes just as much attention and effort and devotion. 

 

Learning to be patient and non-judgmental with yourself through the highs and the lows and the moments where you don't care much either way, is the progress that counts the most.

By showing yourself even the slightest amount more acceptance for where you currently are right at this moment today, I would argue that you are, in fact, better than yesterday. 

What does progress mean to you right now? Tell me in the comments:

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Guest Blog: How to Create Sustainability + Consistency in Your Training

Friends! I am thrilled to be featuring my first EVER guest blogger on here, with a message that's near and dear to my heart: embracing the seasons of your life + fitness.

Annie Miller is a badass who not only walks the walk but talks the talk. She knows her shit and I'm so excited to have her sharing some tidbits of wisdom with you today. 

Be sure to find her on the 'gram and check out her website for lots more practical, smart and fun training advice!

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Life happens. You love to train. You are all about the grind. But what happens when life and
your training seasons aren’t meshing? Something’s gotta give. ALWAYS.

Your goal with training should always include being consistent and I am not referring to consistency with the type or intensity of that training. I’m taking about consistency in your ability to recover from, and reap the benefits of, that training.

Variety is also important in your training phases, and great way to determine that variety is to
look at your LIFE. No single program is the end all be all. Your results often are not dependent on the program written for you, rather how well you adhere to it. Which depends on what season of life you’re in, and so much more.

Now there's definitely value to "the grind" – hitting the gym when motivation fades, following a
program that you don’t LOVE because you’re working on weaknesses, and so on. But it's always important to also remember context.

Here are a few tips to help you figure out your current context and season when you're trying to decide between pushing hard and slowing down.

There seem to be three big determinants outside of any physicality that affect training consistency: time, stress + mental preparation

Here are some questions to ask yourself:

1. Does this program match my current life situation?
2. Are you pregnant? Or trying? Do you need to back off the intensity just a bit?
3. Are you moving, or have another big change in your life? Do workouts need to be more
bodyweight based or require a less extensive warm up so you can get in and get out?
4. Is it a slower season of life where you can go hard and hit some new PR’s?
5. Where is my current stress level and where will it likely be for two months to follow?

Yes, exercise is both a stress reliever and a stressor to our bodies. If your stress level is on a
somewhat constant high for a season, your training needs to NOT be on a high. Or, stick to your
high intensity training, but maybe just 3 days a week with more aerobic work on or two other
days. This way your body is recovering from the high intensity STRESSFUL loads, rather than
jumping on that catabolic train to breakdown town.

This requires self-awareness. Do you know how to determine your stress level? Your current life
situation can have a lot to do with it. Thinking back to the most stressful times of your adult life can help you determine what type of seasons stress you out and increase those cortisol levels, which ultimately creates a negative training effect.

For me, I think of training during college finals, working two serious internships (that may as well been full time jobs for no pay – awesome experiences, not complaining, just analyzing) + working my two coaching jobs… training definitely did not fit that stress level.

Or, take my summer of 2016 for example. The hubs and I were on a two-week road trip around
the national parks. (If you live on the west coast and have not visited the main national
parks...YOU NEED TO, they are insanely beautiful.)

The road trip was a season itself. We took our kettle bells with us because I was not about to lose ALL the gains I made leading up to this two week adventure. We’d do a kettle bell and bodyweight circuit almost daily or go on a run (mixture of steady state and tempo work) #consistencyiskey.

When we were on the trip: 1. Our car got broken into, we had to get a new window – we drove from San Fran to Vegas (13 hours) with no back-seat passenger window. 2. I lost our camera that had all our photos from the first week 3. My husband proceeded to drop his phone in the Narrows River in Zion.

Despite all that I swear it really was a great trip. We got the winning phone call to top it all off about 1.5 hours away from home… wait for it… Our house had flood while we were gone.

Straight to living in hotels for 2.5 months we went...Glass half full perspective? We were
already packed! The next morning, I would enter choreography season for competitive cheer where I teach routines from 8am-4pm and then coach 5pm-8 or 9pm… Yes, the morning after we arrived, through the rest of the summer. Enter: Survival mode.

Moral of this story?

SEASONS sister, seasons. They aren’t always so extreme, but you better believe I had my gym
membership during those hotel days and it was rarely used. Why? Because my life and training seasons were not in any way cohesive. As a result, I was unable to remain consistent and had to alter the plan.

Remember consistency in training is the key for the long haul. But you cannot always be working on every aspect of fitness. Something has to take a back seat when you are building up another
system of the body or skill set.

So here are some tricks to follow:

• Your training intensity needs to be one you can recover from and reap the full benefits of.
• You need to be have the mental capacity to prepare for and perform well during the workouts.
•  You NEED to identify seasons of life AND training…in case you missed it, THEY NEED TO MESH.
• Have a long-haul perspective - It is essential to be open to altering the plan! ( I had to drastically change my workouts during hotel life due to time and stress levels).
• Does the program allow you to be consistent?
• If altered, make sure it is still in line with your end goal, whatever that may be. You can take many paths to one end point.

I was serious about identifying what types of seasons stress you out and becoming more aware
of stress levels, and you should be too. Your seasons don’t have to derail you. In fact, they should make you a better athlete and hopefully a healthier human.

Rather than “falling off the wagon” or trying to shove a square peg into a round hole, be flexible with your training and just focus on consistency.

-Annie

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This is a guest post by blogger Annie Miller, from Fit Designs by Annie. Be sure to check out her training programs and informative Instagram account!

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Conquering Gymtimidation: Five Ways to Quiet Your Insecurities in the Gym

For a lot of women, gyms are scary places. I am one of those women. Back in my late teens and twenties, I was a fair weather exerciser-- I always had a membership to the local Crunch or Planet Fitness, but nothing about the experience was fun for me.

I wrote about being scared of gyms this in this post here.

For one, I was never comfortable being in tight, form fitting spandex, so even dressing for the occasion brought more anxiety than you can imagine (or, maybe you can). I hated how I couldn't really hide the lumps and bumps I was used to hiding in regular clothes, and feared intensely that people would stare at everything that jiggled when I moved around. 

Secondly, I was so overwhelmed by the machinery in these places that I didn't even bother trying to figure them out. I didn't want to look like the newb or a total bonehead so I would just steer clear altogether, instead finding a treadmill in the back of the room to jog on (for like 8 minutes or until I couldn't take it anymore, whichever came first), or attending group classes. I didn't mind the group classes as much, but I would never call anything about the experience FUN.

The first time I walked into a CrossFit gym in 2012, I was actually feeling pretty confident in my fitness (I mean, after all, I WAS doing P90x and Jillian Michaels and Insanity at home-- I've always much preferred at-home workouts than any gym space), and was looking for more of a challenge. And a challenge, I sure got.

My confidence was quickly crushed as I realized that this shit was hard. Way harder than I was expecting, and I was so weak, less athletic, and uncoordinated, compared to the other kids in class. My love of competition and seeing myself improve ultimately edged out those feelings of insecurity, but even today, I still have pockets of that same anxiety and intimidation.

If I'm a little off my game, more out of shape than usual (like I currently am, TYSM), feeling slow, weak, or otherwise not performing at my best-of-the-best capability, I still feel that same exact insecurity start to talk to me:

This is embarrassing; people are watching you flail; this should be easier; how is she already done?; everyone is shocked by how out of shape you are; I'm finishing dead last; this is so embarrassing that I can't do muscle ups anymore; god, I suck at this.

Most of the time, I keep those thoughts at bay, and truly love some fun competition, the feeling of being challenged, getting my ass kicked, and knowing I have a lot to work on. But sometimes, they not only appear, they take over.

Before I know it I'll feel a lump in my throat, my heart drop in utter defeat, and tears form, as I sink into a deep disappointment with myself. Yeah, it happens to me too. In fact, it happened to me this week.

If you've ever felt that same thought train move through your mind as you are working out, if you've ever felt like you need to get in shape before you join a gym, if you feel disappointed that you "only" did the scaled weight, if you feel like you "lose" or suck every time you WOD with the class, or if you feel like all eyes are on you, judging your athleticism, body, fitness or life choices when you're in the gym, this post is for you.

Here are 5 ways to quiet that insecurity dragon and start to enjoy the experience of working out:

1. FIND YOUR WHY. Having a reason to exercise, beyond the weight loss or aesthetic considerations, is imperative to understanding the value of the experience. Are you there to win every workout? Or are you there because it clears your mind and allows you a sense of freedom? I listed my reasons why I train in this Instagram post if you need some ideas.

Find the REAL stuff that you love about moving your body, your sport, classes, program or gym, and write that shit down if you need to. Memorize it, believe it, and remind yourself of it when you're getting sucked into the not-good-enough vortex.

2. SHOP AROUND. Standing alone in a florescent lit room filled with scary machinery I didn't understand was not for me. Running on a hamster wheel was not for me. I found something (CrossFit) that excited me, scared me in the good way, and kept my interest: you need to find yours. 

Try different sports or activities (barre, yoga, weightlifting, powerlifting, pilates, etc) and take note of what actually fires you up and you want more of. Once you've found your sport of choice, make sure you find the right gym with the right coaches and people! This is critical to keep you feeling inspired, supported, capable, and most importantly: eager to learn and improve, and want to come back for more.

Wanting to be better at something you truly enjoy helps keep you grounded, focused, and playing the long game, versus feeling crushed every time you can't do something. Plus, having a community of people rooting for you is always a nice pick-me-up that can be *just* the safety net you need when you're feeling less than awesome.

If it's not FUN, you're doing it wrong. Find your people.

3. ENTER INTO YOUR WORKOUTS WITH AN INTENTION. Before the workout begins, give yourself an intention. This will change from day to day based on how you're feeling (sore? PMS'ing? Strong AF? Exhausted?), so check in with yourself and think about what you want most out of this specific workout, on this day.

Maybe you feel like going 100% full throttle today, and you want to test that limit. Maybe your intention is to make it through the run without stopping. Maybe your intention is to attempt the RX weight, or maybe you simply want to move, so you scale down.

This helps you to remember that you are on your own journey, and this moment is yours. You are here training for reasons that no one else needs to understand, compete with, or judge. Think of your why, consider how your body and mind feels, and give yourself a focus for each workout.

When the workout is over, think about what what well for you, what you were proud of, and what you loved the most. Don't dock points to yourself because you scaled, you finished last, or any other comparison-focused note. What was awesome about it for YOU?

4. ACCEPT THAT VALLEYS COME WITH THE PEAKS. As I just mentioned, you are on a journey here, and it is your own. Like any process or path, it won't always be smooth sailing, PRs, high fives, and winning the leaderboard. Some seasons allow you to push, grow and improve, and some seasons require that you maintain, ease off, or change courses. 

Read more about the seasons of life and training in this post and this post.

Not every day will be stellar, and if you are expecting that, then you may be disappointed when you have an off day (or week. Or month). Understand that this is natural part of the cycle, and take it in stride. And most importantly:

5. KEEP SHOWING UP. Whatever you do, don't let those voices in your head win! Keep showing up. If you haven't found your flavor of exercise yet, revisit #2. If you don't know what you're doing when you're there, revisit #1 and #3. If you feel like you've been having an "off day" for 4 months now, revisit #4 and accept the season you are in.

But keep. showing. up. This effort is paramount to showing yourself that you are bigger than those stupid voices, that you value what you get from working out more than your insecurities, and that you are working with yourself in your own best interest, instead of against yourself. It might take a while to get over the initial hump and find your rhythm, but whatever you do, don't throw in the towel. Get yourself back on the horse!

Feeling the fear and doing it anyway is the number one way to build confidence in yourself. Even if the outcome isn't exactly what you hoped for, you will still feel pride for facing something that scared you, and doing your best.

Fun, pride, and better self esteem is on the other side of those fears. Do what you need to do to get yourself in the door, keep your why at the forefront of your mind, move with intention, appreciate your own, unique journey, lean on your support system, and take the off days in stride.

And don't ever, ever, EVER, let anyone ever make you feel like you don't belong in these spaces. And that includes yourself. You belong anywhere you want to be, so don't ever forget that.

I hope that these steps help you conquer the all too common gymtimidation, whether it's something you struggle with a lot, or something that may have caught you off guard in one particularly awful workout. We ALL deal with these feelings sometimes so know that you are certainly not alone. Working out, moving your body, getting stronger, and challenging yourself should (and can be!) be FUN! 

I want to hear from you: Do you have a tactic you use to edge out those voices insecurity and defeat? Share in the comments below!

Happy training,

xo

Taylor

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In Depth With Steph Gaudreau of Stupid Easy Paleo

This powerhouse of a woman barely needs an introduction, but in case you aren't one of her nearly quarter of a million Instagram followers or ardent fans, Steph Gaudreau runs a hugely popular food, fitness + mindset blog called Stupid Easy Paleo.

She shares recipes that are based in real food, she's a crazy talented athlete and weightlifter (and coach), and she's the master of mindset shifts that help people "unleash their inner badass so they can change the world".

She also happens to host an awesome podcast, Harder to Kill Radio, where she chats with leaders and innovators in the health + wellness world (and beyond).

(P.S. I was lucky enough to be on her show twice, so if you haven't peeped those episodes yet, definitely do so!)

I am lucky enough to call this stunner a friend, and we got to hang IRL when she flew up to Seattle to get some new images for her biz. We sat in the sun on my front porch and I asked her all about her story, her views on the modern fitness industry, what she's got planned for next year, and more.

Grab a cup of coffee and settle in, and enjoy!

YOUR FITNESS JOURNEY BEGAN WITH TRIATHALONS. CAN YOU TELL ME A LITTLE BIT ABOUT HOW YOU GOT FROM ENDURANCE SPORTS TO WEIGHTLIFTING?

It actually all started on a dare in 2011. I was doing an intense season of triathlons (swimming, trail running, mountain biking). I was in Lake Tahoe and exhausted and I stood for a photo, and I remember seeing that photo and thinking, "wow I am so fat". I wasn't in a really good place. My relationship was about to fall apart, I wasn’t happy with my job, and  lot of stuff was falling down the tubes.

A month after that, a mountain bike friend dared me to try CrossFit-- and I was like ok sure, I’ll try your "CrossFit" stuff. We did a garage workout with bodyweight and I actually really liked it. It was fast (vs hours of training like I was used to), so my curiosity was piqued. So I joined a gym and did that for a while, doing CF a few times a week and still riding my bike. A year later, I felt really burned out from the endurance stuff, and for the first time in a long time, I wasn’t hyper focused on losing weight. 

For the first time I wasn’t stressed about being smaller and lighter, and it was so, so freeing. That emotional baggage started to go away— I can be strong just to be strong and it doesn’t matter how small my body is? It was awesome. I competed in CF for many years (even went to Regionals with Invictus), until I started to feel burned out again. 

I started my business and was still doing competitive training, and the amount of emotional, mental, physical energy that required of me was too much, especially while trying to make this business survive its first year, and I realized I could not do both. Especially being 34-35 years old, I needed more recovery time, and it was just very stressful on the body for me.

So I stepped back into just strength— mostly squatting actually-- but it was a couple year process for me to transition from endurance to weightlifting. 

SO SOMEWHERE ALONG THIS JOURNEY YOU FOUND THE PALEO DIET. HOW DID YOU FIND IT, AND WHO WOULD YOU RECOMMEND IT TO?

Back in my endurance race days I was training for Vision Quest, which is this 56 mile, off-road race with 12,000 feet of climbing — it's just brutal (it took me 9 hours!). So we’d train and go out and ride and ride and ride. 

Some friends of mine said they "wanted to try this thing called 'paleo'” and it sounded crazy to me. Especially since in the endurance world, things like gluten and grains are all you eat— it’s super duper high carb most of the time. And eating tilapia for breakfast? I don’t know about that.

So I decided I’d start after the New Year (this was Nov) and I went big on Christmas and New Years and ate all the things and decided to give Paleo a shot in January. I cleaned out my pantry and fridge and jumped in. 

There was a learning curve, but within the first 2 or 3 months I was like wow, I feel major changes in my body (beyond body fat) like digestion and blood sugar, and energy levels , cravings, mood, etc. It all started to resolve itself. And I was hooked.

I think it’s a great starting point for a lot of people to just become aware of their diet of high inflammatory foods and how crappy it can make you feel. Its great to just interrupt your usual habits and routines and have to stop and think about what you’re putting in your mouth. To give yourself a chance to step away from the super processed, highly palatable foods.

I mean these foods are everywhere and so available that making a choice to NOT eat that means that you have to go out of your way. So it can be a lifestyle change, but it I recommend people do it at least for 30 to 90 days just to feel better. I know everyone wants weight loss but honestly, I feel most people would trade feeling freaking awesome when they wake up, having steady energy through the day, getting rid of their (oftentimes embarrassing) digestive problems, feeling clear headed, etc. That’s what keeps people going, and that’s the selling point.

FOR WOMEN SPECIFICALLY, WHETHER THEY'RE PALEO OR NOT, WHAT ARE SOME OF THE BIG PITFALLS YOU SEE WOMEN STRUGGLING WITH IN THEIR DIET THESE DAYS?

One is simply not enough caloric intake. The restricting and the tiny portions and the eating like a bird is a big one. 

Being wayyy too low on protein is another big one. I know plant based diets are popular, but you can still eat more plants by volume, and eat meat, and still have a plant based diet. And plants are super important to a healthy diet, but there's so much media vilifying protein and animal protein these days, and that stuff is SO biased. And it sends the wrong message to women. It’s used as a justification for not eating enough protein, period. That leads to all sorts of problems, but namely eating poor quality carbs and fats in order to feel full, problems with cravings, insatiable appetite, struggles building muscle mass, etc.

And then also people are still so afraid of carbs. We’ve gotten to realize that fats are not the devil— I mean sitting down to a tub of almond butter every night isn’t a great idea-- but we’ve stopped fearing fats. But carbs are still feared. 

And I used to fear them too. I read about lower carb being good for body composition, and then I did what a lot of women do, and I took it to the extreme. We think if a little bit is good, then even less is better. So most women have been too low carb for too long. 

High level athletes need to be dialed into the details, and I don’t want the average person to think they need to be crazy focused on this stuff, but if we could just check in— did I eat a decent amount of food today? Did I skip a meal? Did I eat enough to support my training? 

We think we need to go hard into fitness and diet but our body actually appreciates things happening slower.

YOU ARE OUTSPOKEN IN YOUR DISAPPROVAL OF THE TRENDY NEW MESSAGES OF 'STRONG IS THE NEW SKINNY' OR 'STRONG IS THE NEW SEXY'. WHY DOES THIS RUB YOU THE WRONG WAY?

Let’s take "strong is the new sexy". I’m kind of sick of women of being reduced to how sexy they look. What does that say about your worth? And if you’re not sexy, then oh well, too bad. It’s a double standard for women: if you look too good you’re full of yourself, and if you don’t look good enough, then you’re lazy or unlovable. 

With "strong is the new skinny", it still puts the emphasis on how big you are. We’re still talking about how big people’s body’s are! It doesn’t say anything about capacity— strength comes in so many shapes and sizes and so many forms, and it this talk still sizes everybody up.

And within that, strong can be so many things: it's your resilience, it’s your metal capacity, it’s your compassion, your ability to go through the crappy things in life and come out the other side. Sometimes it's going really hard and sometimes its slowing down, sometimes it's pushing through and sometimes it's letting go. It’s multi-dimensional. 

I don’t hear any guys hashtagging "strong is the new sexy"— in my mind, if a guy’s not willing to go there with that same message, then that’s a problem. 

WHAT IS THE BIGGEST WAY YOU STILL SEE THE MAINSTREAM FITNESS + HEALTH INDUSTRY MISLEADING OR LETTING WOMEN DOWN?

I still see this idea of little pink dumbbells... and you can "participate", but don’t overdo it, and BE CAREFUL. When do people tell men to be careful?? The knee jerk reaction to a woman saying, "I’m gonna go get strong",  is: don’t hurt yourself. That bugs me. 

The whole “bulky” thing is still propagated by the Tracy Andersons out there and I’m over it. So many women say to me they want to be "toned":  that means you want to build muscle and lose body fat to have definition.

I heard a startling study that I can’t quite remember but it was something like 45% of women over the age of 55 can’t lift 10 pounds, and that is shocking to me. Mainstream fitness still perpetuates this idea that you just have to move, with no real focus on actually building capacity. 

After the age of 40 you start to lose muscle mass every year until you die, and muscle mass is such an important reserve for things like illness, surgery, or stressful events— you need the muscle to get well. We’re not doing a good enough job educating women and men that this stuff is really important to protect you as you get older. 

So this "don’t get too bulky" or "don’t lift anything over 5 lbs" is crazy— if it’s too easy, it’s not going you any good. As much as I want to champion for people pursuing whatever fitness they love, I have a hard time turning a blind eye to when people flat out refuse to do any strength training at all. You don’t have to do it every day or replace your sport, but add it in a couple days a week to establish that baseline.

And this happened to me too but it’s funny, once I started CrossFit I got way faster and my endurance improved because I worked on that aspect of my fitness— working on those Type 2 fibers helped me get better in that sport.

Not to mention, when women start to play around with challenging weights, there’s something that changes in your mind and you think, “interesting. I wonder what else I can do”. And I think this can be threatening. It can be threatening in a patriarchal society when women speak up and take up space and get strong, which is certainly part of this “stay small and don’t hurt yourself” idea.

All these play together and just keep women down and tell them they just need to play nice.

Sure the fitness industry has made some progress, but when are we going to reach the people who can’t afford a $250/mo gym membership? When are we going to make things seem more approachable and less intimidating to the people who are scared to try it? We just need more voices who are willing to help women get the education and resources they need.

 

YOU MENTIONED THAT PHOTO EARLIER THAT MADE YOU THINK, "WOW, I AM SO FAT", AND HOW YOU WERE LIVING IN A NEGATIVE HEADSPACE. WHAT WOULD YOU SUGGEST TO SOMEONE IN A SIMILAR PLACE, AS A FIRST STEP TO START TO CHANGE THAT MINDSET?

First, I’d say that it’s important that you are ready, and curious, and open. A lot of people in that place are stuck, and just not willing to look beyond their bubble, so first, you need to be willing.

Then I’d look at the people in your life who are living the way you are curious about, and talk to them: What are you doing? What’s your routine? What gym do you go to? How have you found a good life/work balance? Asking people you know and trust is so much more powerful than Yelp or internet strangers.

Then get involved with something outside of yourself. The self help world is all about you -- focus on yourself, grow yourself-- and there’s a delicate tightrope between these two things: if I’m always letting people walk all over me and never take time for self care that’s not good, but if I’m only always inward focused, that’s not good either. And sometimes the more we look at ourselves, the more flaws we see: it’s like a magnifying mirror. You see more flaws the closer you look.

The self love movement is great on many levels, however, just like any tool it can be misused. Find a purpose to align yourself to that is bigger than yourself. When you see the joy you can bring to other people, that is a gift you can’t find anywhere else. It will boost your confidence and mood, and it can change how you feel inside and how you see yourself.

I think of coaching and hearing from clients who have had big wins or transformations, and it’s a feeling you can’t get anywhere else. Get outside your own head and realize there’s a much bigger world out there. When you’re struggling with yourself, this can really give you a sense of pride, and deliver a goodness to you that’s hard to replicate.

YOUR THEME FOR 2017 WAS DARE. HOW DID YOU EMBRACE THAT THEME AND WHAT'S YOUR 2018 THEME?

I hired help for my book proposal after many months of struggling and thinking I can do it by myself -- so daring to ask for help was a big deal. I got outside of my comfort zone a little bit with Jiu-Jitsu and tried something new. 

I haven’t nailed down my 2018 theme yet, but it will probably be something like "ownership" — I want to stand in the places that I am powerful and give back. I was at a conference recently, and I shared that I have a fear of success, and the speaker said that a fear of success is a lack of responsibility of the things in your life that you have a gift for.

You have a responsibility to share your gifts with the world. That fear is really being afraid to step into your voice and power. Those people who show up are the people who are in the arena— here I am, this is me, let’s do this.

YOU END YOUR POCAST (HARDER TO KILL RADIO) WITH THIS QUESTION FOR YOUR GUESTS + I'M CURIOUS TO KNOW YOUR RESPONSE: WHAT'S YOUR ADVICE FOR BUILDING A HARDER TO KILL HUMAN?

I’d say trusting yourself and listening to your gut. That manifests in a lot of ways— maybe it’s your career, or your sport. We’re not static, we’re always changing, and being able to tune into whats important to you right now, in this moment, is so valuable. The more we hold onto this concept of who we once were and who we’re 'supposed' to be we, prevent ourselves from living in the moment.

And no one else knows either: no one else outside of me knows who I’m meant to be and what drives me in this point in time. There’s this funny thing that happens in the blogging world where if you change direction people say “oh but no, your’e the blah blah blah person!”— well hold on-- you get to change and evolve, but I have to stay exactly the same?

I’m a real person too, I grow and change and evolve. We have to give ourselves that space to change and to trust those things that’s bubbling up inside you. Yes we all have bills to pay and responsibilities, but if that feeling goes on too long and you ignore it, you begin to feel  disempowered and start to look to outside sources to tell you who you are.

The world’s always going to tell you who to be, what to do, what to like, but you’re never going to make everybody happy. You’re going to be criticized anyway, so follow your gut and just do what you want to do. Or Erin Brown says, “you’ll have what I’m serving”. You’re either with me or you’re not, and it’s ok if your’e not. 

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One day, while we were strolling the local farmer's market here in Seattle, we stumbled across this man who offers poetry on any topic you present him with. I instantly recognized him from this video with Jessamyn Stanley + Cody App, so we stopped and offered the topic, "strength".

It's a little hard to hear but I hope you enjoy this amazing moment!

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Be sure to follow Steph around the interwebs here:

INSTAGRAM  |  BLOG  |  FACEBOOK  |  PODCAST

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ALL IMAGES COPYRIGHT TAYLOR GAGE PHOTOGRAPHY 2017

HAIR AND MAKEUP BY KATIE KIHARA

The 4 Biggest Health + Fitness Myths You Need to Stop Believing Right Now

It’s no surprise to anyone that the health and fitness world is one with LOTS of noise. The problems in this industry range far and wide, from old science and just BAD information, to assaulting you with you with “shoulds” every minute of every day, to preying on your own insecurities to make you feel guilty or ashamed of your body or your lifestyle. As such, there’s A LOT of things I could rant on here (and I tend to address some of these points in most of my posts here on this blog), but today I wanted to focus on the following four, as these misconceptions can leave us feeling broken, hungry, frustrated or, at worst, sick. And notably, all of these are coming from industry leaders.

Because even as most of us become more knowledgable, more confident, and more aware of the fitness and nutrition industry nonsense machine, a few messages still seem to be getting through that I wish my readers (and everyone!) would stop believing.

And of course, all of these could be their own post (or book!), so I’m touching on the most important points briefly. You ready? Here goes.

#1: EAT LESS, MOVE MORE

This one can be confusing, because not only is it age old advice that we’ve all heard in some capacity a million times over from doctors and nutritionists and magazines and even our coaches or trainers, but it CAN actually work for some people.

For some folks, all they need to do to change their health, body and life is to begin to move more, and mind what they're eating; usually dropping their daily caloric intake and going for a run. These people are usually severely overweight, untrained, sedentary, or otherwise totally new to their own health journey. As such, this advice can be impactful for this population, at least for some period of time.

However, if you have been training for a while, are a regular exerciser or a regular intense exerciser (hello, CrossFitters!), this strategy simply does not work. At some point, being on a severe caloric deficit actually begins to work AGAINST you, and if you’re trying to fix it by training even more and eating even less, you will not only feel it in the gym and in your overall energy levels, but you'll probably see it on your waistline too.

The path to a hard body, a healthy gut and a happy mind is paved with smart training and sufficient fuel. Not lettuce for dinner and 3 hours of cardio. In fact, spending hours on end at low or moderate intensity (jogging, etc) can also be working against you. Want to get lean and strong? Ditch the cardio and pick up the weights. And eat to support your training.

Eating more can be a scary thing for a lot of women, because the industry has told us it's wrong or bad. The best place to start to ensure you’re eating enough to support your muscle, fat loss efforts, energy levels and overall health and well being? Enough carbs and adequate protein. (And no, I don’t just mean 2 eggs for breakfast and a yogurt snack pack). This leads us into myth #2.

More reading on this topic: 

Cardio vs strength training: which is better for fat loss?

All about macros

Why eating less is sabotaging your weight loss efforts

Watch: How eating MORE can get you closer to your goals

#2: YOUR BODY CAN ONLY ABSORB 20-30G OF PROTEIN PER SITTING

Years and years ago, there used to be a concept swirling around in the nutrition world that said that a human body can only absorb 20-30g of protein in one sitting, and all protein consumed beyond this point would either go to waste or be stored as fat. These days, this is widely understood to be a myth (any quick Google could tell you that— this topic is WELL researched, with many definitive studies), but yet I STILL see it being perpetuated in some circles. This can be especially misleading and confusing for those who are trying their darnedest to up their protein intake and properly address myth #1. You're eating too much, you need to eat more. You need more protein, you're eating too much protein.. So, let’s talk.

First of all we need to remember that protein does a hell of a lot more than just support our gainz. Studies have shown that 20-30g of protein seems to be the amount that tends to be used towards protein synthesis, or muscle repair and building, and about how much we absorb at any given time. But just because we don't absorb it ALL AT ONCE doesn't mean it doesn't eventually get absorbed and used! Our body’s use for protein does not begin and end with muscle building. And most studies on this topic have shown that upward of 90% of the protein you eat, eventually gets absorbed and gets put to good use in one way or another. 

(But on the topic of muscle building, studies on intermittent fasting and protein consumption have shown that consuming an entire day’s worth of protein in a short window did not negatively impact muscle retention and growth, which further shows us that protein absorption was not hindered by high intake all at once).

And evolutionarily speaking, how could that really make sense? When our primal ancestors hunted and feasted on a rare animal protein, do you think their bodies simply stopped absorbing more than a neat little 3 oz serving at one time? Um, no. As Mark Sisson puts it, "Digestion takes a long time, and it’s not a segmented procession of different meals through the gastrointestinal tract. Food isn’t separated into 'meals' in your stomach. It’s just all food, all mashed together. If you still have breakfast in your stomach when your lunch enters the picture, lunch and breakfast will meet and mingle."

Now, I will say there's a variability element to consider here. For example, a petite, 5’ 2” 100 pound sedentary woman might not absorb and utilize the exact same amount as a 250 lb, 6’ 4” strongman competitor or linebacker, because your body will absorb and use what it NEEDS— it doesn’t just stop at some arbitrary number or "meal". (And how much do you really need? That's a huge source of confusion, too. But no. it's NOT the RDA, and no, you're not getting enough. Read this & the links below). 

Other factors, like your protein sources and your body’s levels of micronutrients like zinc (along with anti-nutrients like lectin and phytate) also play a role in absorption. And wild excess CAN start to work against some bodies at some point, just like anything else (we’re talking WILD excess though).

The research and science is clear here. So can we put this myth to rest already? Your body will use ANY amount of protein you feed it in a sitting, somehow, someway, so always be sure you're getting enough.

Read more on this topic:

How much protein should I be eating?

The benefits of a high protein diet

Why protein is so important beyond muscle growth

#3: PLANT BASED IS THE HEALTHIEST DIET

So I do want to preface this section with this: I am a firm supporter of the Do You Boo system. Meaning, if plant based makes you feel fucking radiant, then do it. I also realize that some people choose this eating style for a variety of reasons, like simple taste or texture preference, and I understand that. This is mostly for those who feel like they NEED to be plant based in order to be healthier. 

If you are opting to go without any animal products (or animal protein) simply based on the claim that this is the superior diet for ultimate health, I encourage you do some more reading on this topic.

(And there’s no denying the health benefits of plants here— I’m NOT suggesting you stop eating veggies! We must make sure we are getting adequate greens and micronutrients in a large variety and volume on a daily basis for our health, period. But if we stop there, we are coming up short.)

Because there's SO MUCH to unpack in this topic, and the rabbit holes run DEEP down every single argument to this claim, I decided to just offer some extra reading for you here, if you're interested. Again, do what makes YOU feel BEST. 

But I do want to say this, as it builds off out last 2 myths: If you are attempting to sustain yourself on solely plant based protein sources, man alive have you got your work cut out for you. Adding hemp seeds to your salad just isn’t going to cut it. If getting TRUE adequate protein while eating chicken breast and steak is a lot of work, can you image how hard it is to get there with seeds and grains alone? (Which, btw, aren't protein sources, they are fat and carb sources, respectively, with a little protein).

And while there are some legit plant based protein sources, most of the popular ones actually work against internal health: namely things like soy, grains and legumes.

There is no one diet that is perfect for everyone and I encourage you to experiment with everything to find what works for you, but if you're feeling pressure and think "plant based is the only route to health", you need to know that this concept is simply false.

Read more on this topic:

Plant based protein vs animal protein

Why quality of animal protein matters

More protein, better protein, from an RD

What about sustainability and ethical considerations?

What about that popular new Netflix flick?

How do herbivores get so muscular then?

Also see: any book from my favorites shop

#4: NO PAIN, NO GAIN. WHAT'S A "REST DAY"?

Lastly, we have another popular belief that drives me crazy to see, especially as a coach! Closely related to the first myth, "move more, eat less", this idea that you have to push your body to it’s absolute limits to either see results, be healthy or fit, or that rest days are for the weak, is not only misleading and wrong, but downright dangerous.

More is NOT better. The concept of “minimal effective dose” is an important one to keep in mind when it comes to intense exercise. Meaning, while movement and pushing your limits is great for your body and mind and health, it can absolutely be taken too far. Getting in the minimum effective dose (one that brings you fitness and health and mental clarity and makes you better) is essential, but taking it beyond that starts to erode a few very important systems-- and ultimately, your health.

Because at the end of the day, what your body sees this as, is STRESS. Your body doesn’t know the difference between stress from work, from that fight with your partner, from that one rep max back squat, from that epic to do list, and that half marathon you ran last weekend. It all gets processed the same.

This doesn’t just make us feel tired-- it actually sets off a “cascade of biochemical responses that can cause serious damage to one’s health in both the short and long term”, as Chris Kresser puts it.

This idea of bragging about “no rest days” or pushing our bodies so hard we get ill makes me CRINGE. It is not cool, not “hard core” or disciplined or impressive, and most certainly not a healthy relationship to exercise. If you are feeling like you are addicted to your training (or stimulus); if you struggle to take a rest day; if you're training like a pro but you're not a pro; if the thought of going a week or 2 months without your exercise of choice sends you into a panic; then you really need to take a long, hard look here.

Movement is so important to health, and I believe firmly in the benefits of a tough, physical challenge and regular exercise. But there's a fine line between training hard and overtraining, or even exercise addiction. How many rest days are you taking and how often (not "active recovery"). How much and how well are you sleeping? Are you allowing for quieter seasons or pushing hard 24/7?

It's important to know the distinction between pushing hard and muscle burn/fatigue, vs a real injury or pushing too far to stay safe and illness/injury free. And you must be recovering JUST as hard as you're training if you intend to see any lasting results from your hard work.

 And it's always a good idea to take an honest look at our relationship to exercise, and ask ourselves if it's truly serving us with how we are using it.

More reading on this topic:

Are you addicted to exercise? 

The three stages of overtraining  

Why you may need to exercise less

Embracing the seasons of your fitness journey

 

TO SUM UP:

Ditch the hamster wheel and pick up some weights. Eat! Be sure you're getting enough fuel to support your training and build strong bones and lean muscles, especially protein. And yes your body will absorb and use it all, so don't skimp. Don’t be pressured into thinking that plant based is superior to omnivorous diets-- while it's not for everyone, eating high quality animal products and protein IS part of a healthy diet. Train with intensity, not intense volume, and be sure it’s fun. Four hours of cardio every day is not effective and likely woking against you in myriad ways. Rest and recovery is JUST as important as your exercise, and should come at a 1:1 ratio. And, don't fear the slower seasons. More isn't better. Better is better.

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In Defense of an Unbalanced Life: Why Somethings Gotta Give

Fitness, sleep, work, family, friends: pick 3. Or maybe more accurately: pick 2. Can we really be the super mom and the CEO and the fittest chick in the gym and the supportive wife + awesome friend, while taking time for self care and recovery, all at the same damn time?

I get asked regularly how I find balance between being a business owner, a wife, pursuing health and fitness, taking time for myself, and more. And it gives me pause every time. Is the idea of a happily balanced life a utopian dream? Is it just an illusion, something we’re told to believe is out there but actually isn’t, like comfortable heels and “one size fits all”?

In my experience, the short answer is yes, it can be done, for some time, for some of us. But the long answer is a little more complex than that. 

You see, over the last few months, I’ve been hustling hard. I’ve been building this here lil business and investing all my time, energy, focus and did I say time? into it, to be able to create a product that can change the lives of my readers. I’m so proud of what I created and the work I’ve done, but make no mistake my friends: it came with a steep price tag.

The process of growing my business cost me my ability to spend 2 hours a day in the gym, 5 days a week. It cost me my ability to make interesting, fun meals. It cost me my weekends, my time with friends, and most of my social life. It cost me date nights with my husband. It cost me the ability to kick back, relax and hashtag self care. (What is a "day off" again?)

Because I was (am!) going HARD. And when you’re committed, on a mission, with Eye of the Tiger metaphorically (or literally) playing on repeat in your head while you’re laser focused on a specific, big, goal, this idea of “balance” usually takes a seat. When you’re giving 100% to something in life, you don’t have leftover effort and attention to put into other things. Because, math.

As the saying goes, “Family, friends, work, sleep, fitness: pick 3”. Meaning, for most of us, you cannot have all of these things working in absolute perfect balance in your life, all of the time. (And especially so when you’ve got a big goal lined up in your crosshairs). Can you decide which 2 or 3 you get to focus on on any given day? Absolutely. But can you REALLY have all 5, all at once, in perfect harmony? 

Those athletes you see at the CrossFit Games, or those entrepreneurs who are out there building empires? Here's the dirty little secret no one tells you: their life is spent committed to those goals, and they most certainly do not have what you or I would consider "balance", at least in their hustle seasons. Because the bottom line is this: anything worth fighting for and committing to is guaranteed to throw your life’s balance all out of whack.

Sometimes this is an easy sacrifice, and sometimes, not so much. It can be hard to see our friends all go out for dinner and drinks while we’re at home with the baby or working. It can be tough to see ourselves put on some extra lbs or feel like we just can’t hang in the gym anymore.

But here’s why this unbalanced life is ok: these are simply seasons of our life. They come and they go, they ebb and flow, and they are ever changing and always evolving. So when there was a moment recently when I looked in the mirror and stood in shock for a minute and came to terms with the fact that I didn’t recognize the body in the reflection, within seconds, I shrugged and reminded myself that this is temporary. This is simply the season I am in, and the price of pouring 100% into something that isn't the gym means my body's gotten a little softer.

(Side note: even in the seasons that I'm feeling fit and strong and lean, I still appreciate those moments for what they are: fleeting moments. I do not tie my worth to the way I look or my fitness, because the only constants about our bodies is that they change. For more on this concept, read my blog post on Embracing the Seasons of Your Fitness Journey)

I don’t sweat it because there will be a time, not too far from now, when I’ll be able to commit to the gym a little bit more. And when that time comes, I’ll be ready.

I can’t help but think of the CrossFit theory of the sickness-wellness continuum: I am thankful that I’ve had some seasons of commitment where I’ve been able to build my fitness baseline up to a high enough place, where I can essentially take 4 months off of the gym and still be “reasonably fit”. And if you’re not there quite yet, it’s ok, your opportunity will come.

This is also why I do feel that if you have the interest and want to see how far you can push your fitness and your physical body, I'm not going to tell you not to. Try all the things, count and weigh and measure and commit (and enjoy it!), with this VERY IMPORTANT note in mind: it's more than likely a lifestyle you will not be able to sustain forever. And why not? It will throw your life out of balance. Is it worth playing and experimenting with? Heck yes, if that's what you want! But don't expect it to be able to stick around forever, so remember to appreciate it for what it is: an opportunity for a season of growth.

It won't be long until the sands shift and our focus must be placed elsewhere, either out of want or out of need. Staying with 100% intensity in one area of life is surely not sustainable, but I believe it to be necessary, for most of us, at one time or another.

Because this is how goals get accomplished, dreams become reality, and real progress gets made. And if there's one thing I want you to take away from this little blog of mine, it's that you CAN accomplish your goals, and anything is possible. But no matter what Instagram may have you believe, being able to do it ALL, all at once, in perfect, happy harmony, isn't a reality for most of us.

Now: Does every waking moment of your life have to be spent in pursuit of something bigger or better? No, no no. Taking seasons to reflect, accept, embrace, and actually experiment with true balance is just as important as the seasons where we are forging ahead. This is paramount. But in a culture where the pursuit of balance is ever present, and we're told to be searching for it and happily maintaining all of these perfect facets of our life in absolute harmony all the time, I want you to know that being off balance is ok sometimes.

When you have the chance to chase a goal or pursue a dream, appreciate it for what it is: an opportunity, and commit yourself to it, 100%. And don’t be scared of gaining a few pounds, missing out on happy hours, or having life become unbalanced, because you know what? In life, the only thing you can count on is change.

So enjoy the current season of your career, of your fitness, of your relationships, of your personal growth.  Accept where you are while you chase the goal on your horizon, even if it's messy. It won’t be long until the winds shift again.

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How to Become Unf*ckwithable in 5 Easy Steps

Yea, that’s right. UNFUCKWITHABLE. Otherwise known as: Unshakeable. Confident. Resilient. Unbothered by the opinion of others. Ambitious. Fierce. Happy in your skin. Self reliant. Self assured. Unapologetically you. True to yourself in every badass way. Living the life you’ve always wanted. Basically, the Beyonce of your own life. 

How does one become an unfuckwithable woman, you ask? In these 5 easy steps.

1. FIND YOUR STRENGTH

More often than not, finding your physical strength acts as a catalyst for finding your internal strength. Getting the opportunity to put value in your body’s function rather than form can be a life altering experience for most women. The legs that you hide in warm weather because of lumps and bumps take on a whole new meaning when they are deadlifting twice your bodyweight, running you across a finish line, or jumping you into a feeling of accomplishment in the gym. Your broad shoulders that you cover in tee shirts become precious assets when they are pulling your body up over a bar, busting out push ups like you never thought possible, or stabilizing an impressive handstand hold.

While everyone’s flavor of sport varies (#doyou), something must be said for the magic that happens when a woman picks up a barbell. It’s like she immediately rebels against the society that is asking her to be smaller, daintier, quieter, and is instead intent on being bigger, louder and stronger. This act in itself can set off a domino effect of badassery, making you immediately one step closer to being unfuckwithable.

Move. Push your limits. Get strong. Challenge your body and blow your own damn mind. 

2. TAP INTO YOUR POWER

Too often in life we walk around feeling like we’re the victim of bad circumstance and we just throw our hands up in resignation and say there’s nothing we can do about it. That shit is a cop out, and you can’t be unfuckwithable if you’re living in a victim mentality, period. It’s time for us to make an important distinction. Take a close look around every corner of your life. Everything will fall squarely into one of two categories: the things we can change, and the things we cannot. And if you’re honest with yourself, the things in the Can Change bucket is probably upwards of 90% of what you’re looking at.

We do not give ourselves enough credit for the control we have over our own lives. And the place that control is hiding? Your mindset. You’ve got more power sitting in your own damn mind than you could ever realize, and we’ve got to tap into that well. Don’t like your job? Quit. Don’t like your neighborhood? Move. Don’t like how your clothes fit? Do something about it. Don't like your mood? Change it.

Some changes require more work (and risk-- we'll get to that in a minute) than others, but don’t let the excuses and overwhelm confuse anything here: your life is up to you. And only you. No one else is going to make a change for you, so take responsibility and step the fuck up. And don’t be scared, because it’s the most liberating feeling you could possibly hope for. This is where confidence gets born. Oh and those things you can’t change? Stop fighting with them and embrace them. There’s power there, too.

Own your choices. Take the wheel. Step up to the plate of your own life. Feel the rush that comes when you finally tap into your internal power. 

3. KNOW WHO YOU ARE

You might think I’m full of it to sit here and recommend you spending time in the self help corner of your local bookstore, but the wealth of knowledge you will find there is unparalleled. Doing research into who you are can have one of the biggest payoffs in not only your relationship with yourself, but your relationship with those around you: from your mailman to your colleagues to your partner.

How do you respond to conflict? Expectations? Rules? Set backs? Being told no? Do you know the difference between what you actually love doing and what you think you should love doing? How do you show love? How do you tackle to-do lists and deadlines and big scary goals? How do you cope with stress? How do you react to challenge, curiosity, control? How about competition or recognition? Are you intrinsically or externally motivated? Are you drained or renewed by alone time? I could go on. (The Queen of Kingdom Know Thyself, IMO, is Gretchen Rubin, and her books can be an excellent starting place.)

You might just find that you've been more focused on trying to be who you think you should be than who you truly are. No matter what you discover, it's a goldmine.

Research your own damn self. Take every quiz (The Four Tendencies, Myers Briggs, Strengths Finder, Love Language, zodiac, whatever!), read every book, be honest with your introspection. This data is invaluable and can change everything in your ability to enact change, pursue goals, and build an unfuckwithable life.

Closely related and worth noting: know who the people around you are. They impact you in big ways, and as Maya Angelou once said, “when someone shows you who they are, believe them”. In other words, know who’s worth your precious time & energy, and vet your inner circle with care.

 

4. STOP APOLOGIZING FOR ALL OF THE ABOVE

Have you ever stopped to count the amount of times you say the word “sorry” on any given day, for any given reason? The average woman is apologizing for everything, all the time: for reaching for the same thing at the same time as someone else, for not hearing someone when they’re mumbling, for being bumped INTO (wtf?), for speaking up, for having an opinion, for taking up space, for existing. Can we fucking stop apologizing already? 

Not only do we NOT need to apologize for the awkward moments in our day that do not warrant an apology by ANY stretch, but it’s time to stop issuing apologies for our strength, for our bodies, for our internal power, for our intelligence, for our ambition, and for knowing who we are. Stop apologizing for living the life you want, and stop handing out your precious fucks to things that don't deserve them-- save them instead for what truly matters. Bending your life over backwards to accommodate someone else's idea of success, beauty, or happiness is no way to live. Do you, unapologetically. 

Anyone who takes issue with the stereotype you’re breaking, the status quo you’re ignoring, the rules you are rewriting, and the noise you are making along the way, is someone who should be schooled, not apologized to. Believe that.

Own your voice. Take up space. Be proud of you. Stop. saying. sorry.

5. BET ON YOU

When it’s time to take a risk, make a change, go out on a limb, face a transition, or gamble on a decision, where are you putting your money? To be unfuckwithable, it’s got to be on YOU, every. damn. time.

Having faith in your ability to succeed, adapt, or ultimately make it through any sort of risk is paramount to an unfuckwithable life. Sure, the what-ifs can go on for days, and the consequences could be dire, and the loss could be great. You might fall. But, what if you fly? When it comes down to the wire and it’s time to take a leap, you’ve got to jump, and know that no matter where you land, you’re going to be fine (in fact you’ll probably be exactly where you need to be). There will always be a safety net to your leaps of faith, because YOU, my dear, are the net. 

Trusting your gut and believing in yourself enough to take action can be scary at first, I’ll grant you that. If you’re not there yet, simply repeat steps 1-4 until you start to feel it. (Or read this great list of tips for getting out of your comfort zone). And when you feel it, you’ll know.

You’ll have a deep rooted confidence in who you are. You’ll feel empowered and know you can pursue anything you want in life, no matter how scary, daunting or risky. You'll listen less and less to the naysayers and the haters and more to your own mind and your own gut. You’ll understand that no matter what the outcome may be, and no matter what you may lose, you will never lose yourself, and that is your superpower. 

You’ll be confident. You’ll be strong in every sense of the word. You’ll know what’s worth giving your fucks to and what should roll off your back. You’ll be a leader. You’ll have harnessed your power. You’ll be a force to be reckoned with. You will be unfuckwithable. 

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PSST

THESE 5 THINGS ARE THE BACKBONE OF WHAT I TEACH. If you like what you’re seeing and are ready to go from a passive consumer of this information, to actually IMPLEMENTING it in your life, come join me in She Thrives Academy:

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THE UNFUCKWITHABLE CROP IS HERE!

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The KB Swing Mistakes I See All the Time & How to Fix Them

Kettlebell work (and especially the swing) is pretty mainstream these days, and people everywhere are doing them-- from the 24 Hour Fitness goers, to CrossFitters, the at-home fitnessers and everything in between.

It's sort of a misleading move because it seems intuitive and simple (just use your hips to swing the bell up as high as you can, right?), but there's actually a few important components and tweaks that will ensure you're not only doing this move SAFELY, but efficiently.

As a CrossFit coach, I tend to see the same handful of mistakes over and over again with athletes, so I wanted to address the top 5 here today. And full disclosure, after filming the errors for this video, my back hurt for about 2 days. (It's fine it'll be ok I promise!) But that's a huge sign that if you're making any of these mistakes, chances are, your back isn't happy about it.

Are you making any of theses mistakes? I hope this video helps make your KBS stronger than ever, and if it helps at all, please leave a comment and let me know!

And hey ps: thanks, fam, for your patience as I learn how to make these how-to videos for you! I'm learning as I go here so I appreciate you comin' along with me! :)

 Watch this video on YouTube (ideal for mobile viewing)

And if you haven't yet, please SUBSCRIBE to my YOUTUBE CHANNEL!

Do Gyms Intimidate You? They Used to Scare Me Too

If you told me 5 years ago that the gym would be my place of both work and play, that I'd spend my days throwing barbells around and teaching people how to move well and get strong, all while wearing spandex day in and day out, I would've laughed right in your face.

Gyms made me wildly uncomfortable. If I had to go, I'd wear the baggiest stuff I owned, and I certainly wasn't anywhere *near* knowing what I was doing. I'd hide in the corners and untangle my headphones 40 times and maybe run on the treadmill for a little because that's what the girls always seemed to do, but only if I could find one in the back of the room where no one could see how much my body jiggled when I ran. The whole experience front to back was scary, stressful, far from fun, and clearly not for me. Man, how times have changed.

Ladies, I need you to know this. 👉 The gym IS FOR YOU, if that's where you want to be. Though it can be intimidating at first, I don't want you to ever believe that this space can't be yours, for any reason. That you can't someday learn how to barbell and feel comfortable (confident, even!) walking around in yoga pants, or even teach other people how to do the same, if that's what you want.

Never let anyone make you feel like you aren't ready, worthy, or welcome in these spaces, no matter where you're coming from or what you look like. Keep showing up and own that shit.

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Taken from my Instagram