The secret to giving you a major rush of "fuck yea" and confidence? It's right here.
Read moreThoughts on Being My Own Biggest Obstacle + Finding My Power
Getting in your own way? Don't have it all figured out? Learning how to do it all? Same.
Read moreA Social Media Detox Guide: How to Internet When Everything Sucks
Social media sucks sometimes. Like, a lot. I mean yes it's amazing in so many ways (we wouldn't be able to connect if it weren't for social media, btw), but I think we're all familiar with how quickly it can turn to awesome to... awful.
It can be a struggle on lots of different levels. As a business owner, it's beyond frustrating to not have your audience actually see the content your working your buns off to create. It can be hard when you see the work you poured your heart and soul and endless hours into, launch to crickets; while a random meme or silly post gets a million likes and shares. And between me and you, it can also be disheartening to see other pages grow to hundreds of thousands of followers while they put out butt photos paired with "inspirational quotes", or don't offer real value in any way, while the pages who are working hard on thoughtful content get left in the dust. It's pretty tough to not play the comparison game, even a little.
It's also no secret to anyone that scrolling is a total time suck. I read recently that we check our phones upwards of 150 times a day. A DAY! What we're always looking for in there, I don't know. But I do know that the more we scroll, the less connected we actually feel to real humans in our real life.
And then, there's the actual news in our news feeds. Lately, we have just been inundated with awful story after terrible story after heartbreaking news, and it often leaves us feeling angry, sad, frustrated, or worse: ambivalent.
I've spent some time talking about social media struggles before, and most recently on this dichotomy of identity: how social media allows us to find our tribe (which is amazing), but how it also tend to split things into black and white. You're either on this side or that side, and there's no room for the actual nuance of the human experience. Let alone, calm, respectful conversation.
I've been really feeling the pull of all of this negativity lately and so I wanted to share some tips with you (and also to remind myself, let's be real) about how to get out of the social media suckfest when it starts taking hold.
1. Set boundaries. (If you have #fomo, remember social media will always be there, and you're not seeing posts in real time anymore anyway, so what are you really missing?) Some ideas:
- Turn off all notifications so that you're not pulled in by every ping all day long. Decide on check in times throughout the day and stick to them.
- Leave your phone at home/in your car while you're in the gym.
- No screens in the bedroom.
- Leave your phone in your purse and put it in the backseat while driving.
- Designate check in times and/or no-phone-allowed times and honor them.
2. Unfollow. You're in control of what media you consume (for the most part). While it's always great to be exposed to people with different views, in order to have thoughtful conversations that expand our horizons and get us out of what can definitely be an echo chamber at times, there's a fine line between positively challenging concepts and dialogues, and pure garbage that does. not. serve you. I challenge you to go into your feed right now and unfollow 10 people who leave you feeling defeated or less than, every time. Be selective and find the people who lift you up, push you forward, and make you feel empowered to take action IRL.
3. Focus on you. Ever notice how you're more susceptible to feeling insecure about something, when it's something you're insecure about? If you're getting sucked into the comparison game, whether that's in business, body, success or other areas, it's time to help these insecurities in a real way. (Not seeing what everyone else is doing about them). Get in touch with and support yourself with these strategies:
- Read. Replace your scrolling time with self improvement time. How can you get more in touch with yourself? How can you improve your relationships with those around you? What do you want to learn more about? How can you be a bigger, more complex human? Some of my favorite books to create positive growth are The Happiness Project and Better Than Before by Gretchen Rubin, Daring Greatly by Brene Brown, and Loving What Is by Byron Katie.
- Move. Physical activity does so much (duh), but the rush of endorphins can often be enough to snap you out of funk all on it's own. Find something that is challenging or zen enough so that you are forced to be in the moment and let everything else fall away around you. Focus in on how your body feels in these moments, and be grateful you have this ability.
- Create. What wells of creativity can you tap into? Do you love to cook, write, paint, take photos? (And if this sends you into a comparison game all on it's own, I encourage you to go back to step 1 and read Big Magic by Elizabeth Gilbert and/or Daring Greatly. Share your magic with the world, it needs it more than ever.
- Hang IRL. Social media is slippery little minx because it gives us this illusion of connectivity but without any of the real benefits. Humans need social connection; we are just wired this way. If you're slacking on the in-real-life connection time with your friends, your partner, your mom, or literally anyone who you love and who supports you, it's time to pick up the phone and make a date to make that happen. (Or literally just talk on the phone. It's better than scrolling, I promise). Bonus points if you hang outside somewhere. Go for a walk, get some sun, get in the nature. Small acts of kindness for others IRL can go a long way in spreading good vibes and helping you feel better, simultaneously.
- Ask for help. No matter what's bringing you down (the news, your own feelings about things, or anything else), you don't have to go it alone. As Melissa Hartwig says, when you have moments of courage, tell on yourself. Meaning, share your feelings with a friend, because shame cannot survive being spoken. Don't be afraid to speak up or have a difficult conversation.
4. Take action. While focusing on you is always a noble endeavor, it can help to get outside of ourselves and minds and actually DO something. If you are looking for motivation, put the fucking phone down (your motivation isn't in there, no matter what #motivationmonday might have you believe). Motivation comes from taking action, NOT the other way around. What's one small thing you can do RIGHT NOW that will be a small step in the direction you want to go or make an impact on what's important to you? It doesn't need to be a sweeping overhaul, it can be one. tiny. step. Just do something.
5. Shut it down. Now I realize that for those of us who run an online business, this isn't always possible. You can't just shut off your phone for 2 weeks at any given moment. But, there might be some ways to create workarounds. Due to the scheduling feature that every app (except for IG) has, you can spend some extra time up front getting a bunch of your posts ready to go, so that you can carve out a whole day or a whole weekend where you don't log in even once. And if you have the ability to do this at any given time, try it. I deleted Instagram off my phone for a week this summer and it was the most incredible thing I could have done for my mental health. I wrote all about it here.
6. Share your light. If you're feeling overwhelmed by the stuff you're seeing in the news, know that it's ok to feel sadness or grief or anger. Let these feelings sit with you and embrace them. Then, decide how you want to move forward. My best suggestion is this:
- Channel that energy and create something. Put your voice out there, connect with someone else, share your story, spread your magic. It might seem insignificant, but it's not. The world needs you right now.
- Get involved. Similar to #5, but in a more community focused way. Take action in a way that matters to you. Donate money, or better yet, time, or find a way to help make an impact. The little things go a long way, so don't be discouraged that you're just one person. Again, the world needs you right now.
And above all else, remember this:
What you see in your feed is the polished, edited, filtered, best-of, highlight reel. Do not compare your behind the scenes to everyone else's highlight reel. It might look like they have their shit together and figured out, but let me tell you right now: no one has their shit together. We are all just figuring it out as we go. Have patience with yourself.
And most importantly, your worth as a woman, entrepreneur, mom, exerciser, and overall human being does not lie in your likes per photo or your follower count. Remember what's important in this world and let the numbers go.
Social media can be an incredible thing, and it can (and has!) done so much good. Try to remember to use it as a tool to help better the world and yourself, and don't let the rest get you down.
xo,
Taylor
More Mindset posts:
In Defense of an Unbalanced Life: Why Somethings Gotta Give
Fitness, sleep, work, family, friends: pick 3. Or maybe more accurately: pick 2. Can we really be the super mom and the CEO and the fittest chick in the gym and the supportive wife + awesome friend, while taking time for self care and recovery, all at the same damn time?
I get asked regularly how I find balance between being a business owner, a wife, pursuing health and fitness, taking time for myself, and more. And it gives me pause every time. Is the idea of a happily balanced life a utopian dream? Is it just an illusion, something we’re told to believe is out there but actually isn’t, like comfortable heels and “one size fits all”?
In my experience, the short answer is yes, it can be done, for some time, for some of us. But the long answer is a little more complex than that.
You see, over the last few months, I’ve been hustling hard. I’ve been building this here lil business and investing all my time, energy, focus and did I say time? into it, to be able to create a product that can change the lives of my readers. I’m so proud of what I created and the work I’ve done, but make no mistake my friends: it came with a steep price tag.
The process of growing my business cost me my ability to spend 2 hours a day in the gym, 5 days a week. It cost me my ability to make interesting, fun meals. It cost me my weekends, my time with friends, and most of my social life. It cost me date nights with my husband. It cost me the ability to kick back, relax and hashtag self care. (What is a "day off" again?)
Because I was (am!) going HARD. And when you’re committed, on a mission, with Eye of the Tiger metaphorically (or literally) playing on repeat in your head while you’re laser focused on a specific, big, goal, this idea of “balance” usually takes a seat. When you’re giving 100% to something in life, you don’t have leftover effort and attention to put into other things. Because, math.
As the saying goes, “Family, friends, work, sleep, fitness: pick 3”. Meaning, for most of us, you cannot have all of these things working in absolute perfect balance in your life, all of the time. (And especially so when you’ve got a big goal lined up in your crosshairs). Can you decide which 2 or 3 you get to focus on on any given day? Absolutely. But can you REALLY have all 5, all at once, in perfect harmony?
Those athletes you see at the CrossFit Games, or those entrepreneurs who are out there building empires? Here's the dirty little secret no one tells you: their life is spent committed to those goals, and they most certainly do not have what you or I would consider "balance", at least in their hustle seasons. Because the bottom line is this: anything worth fighting for and committing to is guaranteed to throw your life’s balance all out of whack.
Sometimes this is an easy sacrifice, and sometimes, not so much. It can be hard to see our friends all go out for dinner and drinks while we’re at home with the baby or working. It can be tough to see ourselves put on some extra lbs or feel like we just can’t hang in the gym anymore.
But here’s why this unbalanced life is ok: these are simply seasons of our life. They come and they go, they ebb and flow, and they are ever changing and always evolving. So when there was a moment recently when I looked in the mirror and stood in shock for a minute and came to terms with the fact that I didn’t recognize the body in the reflection, within seconds, I shrugged and reminded myself that this is temporary. This is simply the season I am in, and the price of pouring 100% into something that isn't the gym means my body's gotten a little softer.
(Side note: even in the seasons that I'm feeling fit and strong and lean, I still appreciate those moments for what they are: fleeting moments. I do not tie my worth to the way I look or my fitness, because the only constants about our bodies is that they change. For more on this concept, read my blog post on Embracing the Seasons of Your Fitness Journey)
I don’t sweat it because there will be a time, not too far from now, when I’ll be able to commit to the gym a little bit more. And when that time comes, I’ll be ready.
I can’t help but think of the CrossFit theory of the sickness-wellness continuum: I am thankful that I’ve had some seasons of commitment where I’ve been able to build my fitness baseline up to a high enough place, where I can essentially take 4 months off of the gym and still be “reasonably fit”. And if you’re not there quite yet, it’s ok, your opportunity will come.
This is also why I do feel that if you have the interest and want to see how far you can push your fitness and your physical body, I'm not going to tell you not to. Try all the things, count and weigh and measure and commit (and enjoy it!), with this VERY IMPORTANT note in mind: it's more than likely a lifestyle you will not be able to sustain forever. And why not? It will throw your life out of balance. Is it worth playing and experimenting with? Heck yes, if that's what you want! But don't expect it to be able to stick around forever, so remember to appreciate it for what it is: an opportunity for a season of growth.
It won't be long until the sands shift and our focus must be placed elsewhere, either out of want or out of need. Staying with 100% intensity in one area of life is surely not sustainable, but I believe it to be necessary, for most of us, at one time or another.
Because this is how goals get accomplished, dreams become reality, and real progress gets made. And if there's one thing I want you to take away from this little blog of mine, it's that you CAN accomplish your goals, and anything is possible. But no matter what Instagram may have you believe, being able to do it ALL, all at once, in perfect, happy harmony, isn't a reality for most of us.
Now: Does every waking moment of your life have to be spent in pursuit of something bigger or better? No, no no. Taking seasons to reflect, accept, embrace, and actually experiment with true balance is just as important as the seasons where we are forging ahead. This is paramount. But in a culture where the pursuit of balance is ever present, and we're told to be searching for it and happily maintaining all of these perfect facets of our life in absolute harmony all the time, I want you to know that being off balance is ok sometimes.
When you have the chance to chase a goal or pursue a dream, appreciate it for what it is: an opportunity, and commit yourself to it, 100%. And don’t be scared of gaining a few pounds, missing out on happy hours, or having life become unbalanced, because you know what? In life, the only thing you can count on is change.
So enjoy the current season of your career, of your fitness, of your relationships, of your personal growth. Accept where you are while you chase the goal on your horizon, even if it's messy. It won’t be long until the winds shift again.
More MINDSET posts:
How to Become Unf*ckwithable in 5 Easy Steps
Yea, that’s right. UNFUCKWITHABLE. Otherwise known as: Unshakeable. Confident. Resilient. Unbothered by the opinion of others. Ambitious. Fierce. Happy in your skin. Self reliant. Self assured. Unapologetically you. True to yourself in every badass way. Living the life you’ve always wanted. Basically, the Beyonce of your own life.
How does one become an unfuckwithable woman, you ask? In these 5 easy steps.
1. FIND YOUR STRENGTH
More often than not, finding your physical strength acts as a catalyst for finding your internal strength. Getting the opportunity to put value in your body’s function rather than form can be a life altering experience for most women. The legs that you hide in warm weather because of lumps and bumps take on a whole new meaning when they are deadlifting twice your bodyweight, running you across a finish line, or jumping you into a feeling of accomplishment in the gym. Your broad shoulders that you cover in tee shirts become precious assets when they are pulling your body up over a bar, busting out push ups like you never thought possible, or stabilizing an impressive handstand hold.
While everyone’s flavor of sport varies (#doyou), something must be said for the magic that happens when a woman picks up a barbell. It’s like she immediately rebels against the society that is asking her to be smaller, daintier, quieter, and is instead intent on being bigger, louder and stronger. This act in itself can set off a domino effect of badassery, making you immediately one step closer to being unfuckwithable.
Move. Push your limits. Get strong. Challenge your body and blow your own damn mind.
2. TAP INTO YOUR POWER
Too often in life we walk around feeling like we’re the victim of bad circumstance and we just throw our hands up in resignation and say there’s nothing we can do about it. That shit is a cop out, and you can’t be unfuckwithable if you’re living in a victim mentality, period. It’s time for us to make an important distinction. Take a close look around every corner of your life. Everything will fall squarely into one of two categories: the things we can change, and the things we cannot. And if you’re honest with yourself, the things in the Can Change bucket is probably upwards of 90% of what you’re looking at.
We do not give ourselves enough credit for the control we have over our own lives. And the place that control is hiding? Your mindset. You’ve got more power sitting in your own damn mind than you could ever realize, and we’ve got to tap into that well. Don’t like your job? Quit. Don’t like your neighborhood? Move. Don’t like how your clothes fit? Do something about it. Don't like your mood? Change it.
Some changes require more work (and risk-- we'll get to that in a minute) than others, but don’t let the excuses and overwhelm confuse anything here: your life is up to you. And only you. No one else is going to make a change for you, so take responsibility and step the fuck up. And don’t be scared, because it’s the most liberating feeling you could possibly hope for. This is where confidence gets born. Oh and those things you can’t change? Stop fighting with them and embrace them. There’s power there, too.
Own your choices. Take the wheel. Step up to the plate of your own life. Feel the rush that comes when you finally tap into your internal power.
3. KNOW WHO YOU ARE
You might think I’m full of it to sit here and recommend you spending time in the self help corner of your local bookstore, but the wealth of knowledge you will find there is unparalleled. Doing research into who you are can have one of the biggest payoffs in not only your relationship with yourself, but your relationship with those around you: from your mailman to your colleagues to your partner.
How do you respond to conflict? Expectations? Rules? Set backs? Being told no? Do you know the difference between what you actually love doing and what you think you should love doing? How do you show love? How do you tackle to-do lists and deadlines and big scary goals? How do you cope with stress? How do you react to challenge, curiosity, control? How about competition or recognition? Are you intrinsically or externally motivated? Are you drained or renewed by alone time? I could go on. (The Queen of Kingdom Know Thyself, IMO, is Gretchen Rubin, and her books can be an excellent starting place.)
You might just find that you've been more focused on trying to be who you think you should be than who you truly are. No matter what you discover, it's a goldmine.
Research your own damn self. Take every quiz (The Four Tendencies, Myers Briggs, Strengths Finder, Love Language, zodiac, whatever!), read every book, be honest with your introspection. This data is invaluable and can change everything in your ability to enact change, pursue goals, and build an unfuckwithable life.
Closely related and worth noting: know who the people around you are. They impact you in big ways, and as Maya Angelou once said, “when someone shows you who they are, believe them”. In other words, know who’s worth your precious time & energy, and vet your inner circle with care.
4. STOP APOLOGIZING FOR ALL OF THE ABOVE
Have you ever stopped to count the amount of times you say the word “sorry” on any given day, for any given reason? The average woman is apologizing for everything, all the time: for reaching for the same thing at the same time as someone else, for not hearing someone when they’re mumbling, for being bumped INTO (wtf?), for speaking up, for having an opinion, for taking up space, for existing. Can we fucking stop apologizing already?
Not only do we NOT need to apologize for the awkward moments in our day that do not warrant an apology by ANY stretch, but it’s time to stop issuing apologies for our strength, for our bodies, for our internal power, for our intelligence, for our ambition, and for knowing who we are. Stop apologizing for living the life you want, and stop handing out your precious fucks to things that don't deserve them-- save them instead for what truly matters. Bending your life over backwards to accommodate someone else's idea of success, beauty, or happiness is no way to live. Do you, unapologetically.
Anyone who takes issue with the stereotype you’re breaking, the status quo you’re ignoring, the rules you are rewriting, and the noise you are making along the way, is someone who should be schooled, not apologized to. Believe that.
Own your voice. Take up space. Be proud of you. Stop. saying. sorry.
5. BET ON YOU
When it’s time to take a risk, make a change, go out on a limb, face a transition, or gamble on a decision, where are you putting your money? To be unfuckwithable, it’s got to be on YOU, every. damn. time.
Having faith in your ability to succeed, adapt, or ultimately make it through any sort of risk is paramount to an unfuckwithable life. Sure, the what-ifs can go on for days, and the consequences could be dire, and the loss could be great. You might fall. But, what if you fly? When it comes down to the wire and it’s time to take a leap, you’ve got to jump, and know that no matter where you land, you’re going to be fine (in fact you’ll probably be exactly where you need to be). There will always be a safety net to your leaps of faith, because YOU, my dear, are the net.
Trusting your gut and believing in yourself enough to take action can be scary at first, I’ll grant you that. If you’re not there yet, simply repeat steps 1-4 until you start to feel it. (Or read this great list of tips for getting out of your comfort zone). And when you feel it, you’ll know.
You’ll have a deep rooted confidence in who you are. You’ll feel empowered and know you can pursue anything you want in life, no matter how scary, daunting or risky. You'll listen less and less to the naysayers and the haters and more to your own mind and your own gut. You’ll understand that no matter what the outcome may be, and no matter what you may lose, you will never lose yourself, and that is your superpower.
You’ll be confident. You’ll be strong in every sense of the word. You’ll know what’s worth giving your fucks to and what should roll off your back. You’ll be a leader. You’ll have harnessed your power. You’ll be a force to be reckoned with. You will be unfuckwithable.
PSST
THESE 5 THINGS ARE THE BACKBONE OF WHAT I TEACH. If you like what you’re seeing and are ready to go from a passive consumer of this information, to actually IMPLEMENTING it in your life, come join me in She Thrives Academy:
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A Few Thoughts on Identity, Community + Social Media: Who Are You?
Who are you?
You might be inclined to answer this with a list of your hobbies or day job: a weightlifter, a lawyer, a vegan, a runner, a teacher.
But what if instead, you answered this with qualities about yourself that are intrinsic? With things that cannot be taken away from you? After all, you may decide one day that you want to leave veganism. Or you get laid off from your job. Or you suffer an injury and cannot train in your sport. What happens then? What happens when the thing we sink our identity into is stripped from us?
Who are you then?
As marketing guru Seth Godin once spoke about in a TED talk, the internet has done incredible things when it comes to allowing people to find their people. Their community. Their tribe.
He says, “tribes are [now] everywhere. The internet was supposed to homogenize everyone by connecting us all, but instead what it’s allowed is silos of interest… People once on the fringes can find each other, connect and go somewhere.”
As someone who has a business in the digital space, and is working every day to build and foster an online community, I know this is true, and I am eternally grateful for the opportunities the internet has afforded me.
I think about the friendships I’ve made, the relationships I’ve built, and the way my own life has been shaped and impacted by things or people on the internet. It’s pretty remarkable stuff.
I thank my lucky stars every day that I am a part of such a supportive and welcoming community. And I’m forever grateful to the magic of the internet for allowing these niches, these little tribes, to exist, because they enhance our feeling of acceptance, belonging and purpose— which are all fundamental to not only our quality of life, but our health.
Last week I wrote about why I dropped the label of “paleo” when explaining to people how I currently personally eat. I was really surprised to see just how many of you resonated with this, and I loved chatting with so many of you about your own journey to find a label-less diet.
I can’t help but notice an interesting dichotomy. One where we are itching to embed ourselves in a community of likeminded people, to connect and deepen an area of our identity, and one where we are liberated by tossing out anything that could pin us onto one specific idea or premise.
So where are we supposed to land? How do we navigate the need to find our tribe but not let it define us? And in an age where the internet -- the good, the bad and the ugly-- reigns as king, how do we figure out who we are, without growing into a polarized, oversimplified, dogmatic and unbendable symbol of the things we identify with?
If we take an honest look, is there maybe an instance where our allegiance to a community, identity or ideology overrides who we actually are in our day to day lives? And whether we realize it or not, are we sinking our identity into and defining who we are by these constructs? Or are we really honoring our true selves?
In other words, are we practicing what we're preaching?
While I’m still figuring this out in my own life, and am quick to tell you that I certainly do not have all the answers, I think there’s a few ways we can begin to tackle this.
One is the pursuit of self knowledge and thoughtful introspection. We can do this a few ways, but my favorite way is reading (my favorite books are here). The more we can learn about ourselves and the way we respond to people, circumstances, expectations, rules, and set backs, the better off we are, in general.
The benefits of this include a better sense of how to improve our lives; how to create habits that stick, how to get ourselves to do hard things or face difficult situations, how to better connect with those around us. It also brings a sense of confidence and even power. After all, knowledge is power. The more we know, the more we can do with it.
We can take note of how we handle conflict, we can listen closely to the space between what someone is saying, and how we hear it. We can think about the ways in which we express ourselves, the ways in which our fears and insecurities show up, and the ways in which we empower and lift those around us.
We can collect the qualities about ourselves that live beyond a title, or Facebook group, or hobby.
The things like how we (really) support and connect with our friends and family, and those closest to us. How we (really) talk to and engage with those who don’t agree with us. Objectively tuning in to the lenses through which we view the world at large, and the small decisions we make every day.
The ways we use our voice, and the things we stand for. And the things we don't.
And in a time when social media and the internet as a whole is just a finger pointing screaming match, I think these pursuits hold even higher value.
The comfort and closeness of the ancient pursuit of connectedness is a worthwhile cause, and finding our tribe can fulfill us as humans in real, valuable ways, and can give us a sense of purpose.
But knowing who you are, outside of your job and your hobbies and your sport and your diet and your neighborhood and your Liked pages and anything that could be taken away from you at any given moment in time, is where the really important work happens.
Learning about these intrinsic qualities, even as they ebb and flow and grow and dissolve, is paramount. These are the pockets where we should be planting our precious self worth and our identity. These are the gardens where we should be watering and weeding and tending to. These are the qualities about ourselves that even though may evolve over time, cannot be stripped from us overnight. This is who we are.
If you aren’t thrilled with what you find under there, or it's difficult to sit with, or you're afraid what you're going to uncover? That's ok, and is part of the process; and I would argue where your energy to strengthen and improve yourself should go-- first.
And if your answers are just a pile of contradictions or you still aren’t quite sure, thats ok, too. In fact, that’s my whole point. Because we are nuanced, and multi layered and difficult to understand sometimes— difficult to define, to pin, to label, to throw into one camp or put into one box.
This is where we figure out how to become bigger, better, stronger, fuller, and ultimately happier humans. This is also where the rubber meets the road with our purpose.
Our ability to enact change on a bigger level, to make a mark and impact lives, to leave the world better than we found it, to see our life's purpose through -- it all begins with us.
Yes, our tribes and our communities are certainly a facet of who we are, and it’s a beautiful thing to see and experience these connections be made. And yes, our external habits and hobbies and preferences are an important part of us, too. They make us interesting and diversified and smarter.
But when we shut out all the noise and lines and forums and labels and the social media, and you are alone with yourself in the dark...
Who are you?
RECENTLY ON SHE THRIVES:
Stop Waiting: How Those "Last 10 Pounds" Are Holding You Back
When you imagine yourself getting coffee next week, or going on a vacation next month, or paying your taxes next year, you probably imagine yourself being just a little bit better off than you are right at this moment, even if the event in question is boring or not that fun (taxes being case in point). Maybe you envision yourself as just a little less stressed, or a little more fit, or making more money, having better hair, or somehow just a little bit happier in some metric valuable to you. This, as it turns out, is something we all do all the time without even realizing it.
I recently read about a study which said that when humans imagine their future, they almost always imagine that they will be happier in the future than they are right now. This fact really struck me as interesting and quite profound. And while I think this is actually a wonderful and totally natural phenomenon, I also know that there are real ways in which this holds us back.
Entertain me for a moment and do this: instead of imagining the things you know you’re going to be doing in the future (getting coffee, taking a vacation, paying your taxes), I now want you to imagine the things you want to do in the future. The things you fancy yourself doing, the stuff that you wish you could do right now but you're waiting on the right time for. What are those things?
Maybe that’s something small like wearing that hot dress in your closet, or booking a photoshoot for yourself, family or business, or asking that person out. Maybe it’s something bigger like actually starting that business or side hustle. When you imagine these things that you want to do, do you hear a voice that says something like, “I wish I could do that now, but I’ll be more ready for it later”?
I wish I could wear a crop top now, but I’ll be more ready for it later when I have a flatter tummy. I wish I could start my business now, but I’ll be more ready for it later when I have more time. I wish I could book a boudoir shoot now, but I’ll be more ready for it later when I’m in better shape. I wish I could try CrossFit now, but I'll be more ready later when I'm more fit. I wish, I wish, I wish. Later, later, later.
And we do this so self assuredly, like we know that "later" is the perfect time, and when later comes, we'll be so ready to do the thing. Have you ever noticed that "later" almost never seems to arrive when you think it will? ... Or at all?
If we were to dig a little deeper here, I think we'd find that these "laters" are actually a dismissal of an insecurity we haven't quite faced yet. The truth is that we're likely struggling with our feeling of worth; we don't feel smart enough, or supported enough, or thin enough or the list goes on.
What is it, really, that makes you feel unprepared, right in this moment? Take that answer and dig into it. Like, realllllyyy dig into it. Get to the messy, ugly, tough-to-face bottom of it, because that shit will set you free. If it's support you need, reach out to your loved ones. If it's self confidence you need, invest in building that for yourself. If it's permission you need, you already have it.
Friends, we have got to STOP WAITING and START doing. STOP waiting for the last 10 pounds to disappear. STOP waiting for your schedule to magically open up. STOP waiting for some far off illusion of you being more ready, more happy, more fit, more ANYTHING, and do the thing NOW.
I mean, have you ever really stopped to think about the sheer length of the list of things that you’re waiting for some “perfect” time to actually do? How much of life you’re leaving on the table because of those last godforsaken 10 pounds? How much you’re risking actually never experiencing in your time here on earth?
Because, guys, that’s the real truth to this. How long have you been waiting for those last 10 pounds, for that open schedule, for that perfect time? My guess is, it’s been a while. Why would you continue to wait on these trivial matters (that may or may not ever actually happen), knowing damn well that tomorrow isn’t guaranteed to you?
Knowing that you passed up photos with your newborn because you were carrying some extra weight (that was used to nurture and grow and birth an entire human)? That you work out in long pants on that 100 degree July afternoon because you have some cellulite (that is a natural part of that powerful body that you’re in the gym growing and building in the damn first place!)? That you never pursued your passion because you were afraid you would fail (when you know so well that even failure trumps not trying)?
If you were advising your friends on this matter, you’d shout from the rooftops about how ready they are now! How wonderful it would be to see them forge ahead! How proud they’d feel of themselves for trying! How they are an inspiration to those around them!
But when it’s us, we decide we’ll wait. And I’m just not into it anymore. It’s time to do the damn thing.
AS RAFIKI SO WISELY SAID, "IT IS TIME."
Ask that person out. Take that class. Work out in a sports bra. Start that blog. Wear that bathing suit. Book the photoshoot. Use the damn nice china!
And do you want to know why? Because YOU ARE WORTHY OF IT NOW. Let that marinate around in your mind. Say it aloud. You are worthy of these things right at this very moment. You are smart. You are strong. You are capable. It’s just your mind holding you back, and it’s time to kindly ask it to sit the fuck down.
Tomorrow isn’t guaranteed to any of us, and no matter how much we like to think that we’ll be happier, more prepared, or more worthy of what we want in the future, the time is now.
Deciding to just get out there and do scary things can be hard at first, especially when you still don't feel "ready". I made a course to help you do it:
In Depth with Olympian Weightlifter Morghan King
Standing 5 foot nothing and weighing in at a whopping 105 pounds, you may expect Morghan King to be quiet, shy, or otherwise little, and frankly, you'd be wrong. This weightlifter (who was born and raised in the Seattle area) is as fun, bubbly, funny and chatty as they come, and I had such a great time hanging out with her and chatting about her trip to the 2016 Rio Olympics, where she came in 6th.
She has one of those personalities that makes you feel like you're best friends, even if you've known her for an hour, and she was constantly making us laugh with her quirky and outgoing style while we chatted in her gym in Bellevue, WA, while the CrossFit Regionals played in the background. She has recently relocated to Arizona, where she is opening a gym with her fiancé and coach, Dean Kruse, called Falcon Weightlifting, where she will continue to prepare and train for the 2020 Olympics. So go get cozy and settle in and prepare to be inspired! Without further ado, let's get right into it!
YOU COMPETED AT YOUR FIRST OLYMPICS LAST YEAR AND CAME IN 6TH. HOW WAS THAT EXPERIENCE FOR YOU?
It was surreal. I was really excited to go to Opening Ceremonies and then I found out that I was supposed to compete the day after that, so I didn’t get to go. I didn’t even stay up to see the torch get lit because I was so tired, but it all just felt like the blink of an eye. I was there before everything was set up and after everyone had left, and it was so cool getting done first, because then you get to enjoy everything. I didn’t see any of the big sights because I’m a little afraid of crowds, but I was thinking, well, I just got engaged here, we’ll come back.
THAT’S RIGHT! YOU GOT ENGAGED THERE, WHAT AN INCREDIBLE WEEK FOR YOU BOTH PROFESSIONALLY AND PERSONALLY.
Yeah it was pretty amazing, my family was there, his family was there, it was the Olympics. I joke that I’m screwed now, that nothing else will ever compare to that. Maybe when I have a gold medal around my neck.
THAT'S YOUR ULTIMATE GOAL, YOU ARE CURRENTLY TRAINING FOR THE NEXT OLYMPICS. WHAT’S THAT LIKE?
Yup, that’s the goal, and it’s gonna be a lot harder this time. The talent in America has skyrocketed, it’s pretty exciting. In just a short period of time, juniors are now doing what I did at my first Senior Nationals right now.
HOW DID YOU DISCOVER THE SPORT OF WEIGHTLIFTING?
I was doing marathons and triathlons before which was sort of the natural progression after soccer, but I was always realistic about it. I mean I’m 5 foot, I’m not going to be able to go as far and as fast as most athletes. I lost motivation training for them, it was really boring by myself all the time, just being in the pool for hours on end.
So then I started doing CrossFit which I liked because I was able to come in and be competitive again and vie for spots on the leaderboards. I started CrossFit in August, and the next March when the Open rolled around I got talked into participating, and our team made Regionals which was really fun.
I get asked all the time, “how long did it take you to get strong, or to get strong on your coach’s program?”, and I just think back to one of my very first days of CrossFit where we were finding a one rep max for our back squats, and I squatted 90 kilos. So I credit some of it to genetics, to playing power sports growing up, and having a background in gymnastics. Growing up I was always competitive, and I actually graduated with a degree in graphic design, thinking I wanted to pursue something beyond athletics. But I just kept falling back into it. And with weightlifting, I got to a point where it was like, I’m either gonna do this or I’m not, and it’s going to have to be 100%.
SO WHAT WAS THE MOMENT THAT YOU DECIDED TO GIVE WEIGHTLIFTING A REAL SHOT?
I think it was at the second CrossFit Regionals I competed in, where we were in the 200’s workout. We were ahead of all the other teams and then we actually didn’t even finish the event because of a judging call, and not hitting extension on some KB swings. And I was devastated. Just so mad, in tears. And then this guy comes up to me and says, 'hey, I just want you to know, those were the best OHS I’ve ever seen'. And at the time that made me furious to hear, but I think that was my defining moment because I went straight to Dean (who was a strength coach) and I was like, I need to get stronger, make me stronger. I just wanted to get really, really good at one thing, and he put me on a strength program that was centered around weightlifting, and I just immediately knew it was a perfect fit. It definitely helped to have someone who was so passionate about the sport, and Dean is still my coach to this day. [And her fiancé.]
I’ve always had that “I’m gonna out-lift everyone in any gym I walk into” mentality (which isn’t always realistic, but what can I say), and I love weightlifting because it’s this brute perfection sport. That feeling of, when you do it right, the world completely stops. I love that.
DO YOU THINK THE POPULARITY OF CROSSFIT HAS IMPACTED THE SPORT OF WEIGHTLIFTING?
I think it’s changed a little, and I also think weightlifting in general is changing. There is a lot more interest in strength sports these days. The rise of CrossFit has definitely helped. It helped bring light to breaking barriers with women and stereotypes. Weightlifting is a sport that’s really fun to watch- you either make or you don’t. With all the drug retesting and doping violations in recent years there was/is some fear of it being cut from the Olympics altogether, but I’ve been told it’s one of the most watched sports in the Olympics. I mean it’s not a sport you really watch all year, because most people don’t understand that competing less is the goal, allowing you longer training cycles. You don’t want to compete every couple of months, that’s just not sustainable.
I think for Juniors, CrossFit is a great place to start, especially to just build their GPP (general physical preparedness) since they might not be playing other sports in schools these days, and some schools even have PE removed altogether. So you lose all of that- you don’t get to play, to find what you like, and the variety of elements in CrossFit really help that.
YOU BREAK SOME WIDELY PERCEIVED STEREOTYPES ABOUT WEIGHTLIFTING WITH YOUR SIZE. WHAT DOES IT MEAN TO YOU TO BE A WOMAN OF YOUR STATURE AND YOUR STRENGTH?
I'm reminded of the time I was wearing a weightlifting shirt at the Pan-Am Games, and I was riding an elevator with these baseball players, and they asked what sport I was competing in. I pointed to my shirt and said weightlifting, and they all laughed. I was like, no, really, I do that.
It’s funny because two of our best Olympians were my size. Our only gold medalist was a 48k athlete. I was just at a Lululemon summit [Morghan is an elite ambassador for Lululemon] and we were talking about gender roles in sports, and I just kept thinking that when I was growing up, I never saw gender in sports. I was just a competitive athlete. I just wanted to play with the best, and maybe had a little Napoleon complex.
I think one of the things that is great about CrossFit is that there’s no real “body type” for it, but that’s also why I felt like weightlifting was more my style. I mean, it’s definitely hard to compete against the Elisabeth Akinwales, when you factor in body weight and the percentage and tonnage that I am moving around in the same event. Don’t get me wrong it’s definitely possible and we have seen results in that at the Games. The mentality for strong minded women that can do anything is growing at an enormous rate which is awesome to see.
WHERE DO YOU FIND INSPIRATION AND MOTIVATION TO KEEP PURSUING THIS MEGA GOAL TO MEDAL AT THE OLYMPICS?
When I decide to put my mind to something it’s going to be 110%. The last 4 years it was pretty easy because everything was new, I was just riding this high, and making every international team I tried out for. After the Olympics though, I went through this weird feeling of holy shit, it’s over, what do I do next? Am I really gonna put myself and my body and my family and my relationship through all this stress again for 3 minutes of being on stage?
It’s been harder for me after the Olympics to find motivation again, just knowing that it’s not gonna be as magical- it’s going to be really, really hard work. Not that it wasn’t before, I sacrificed my whole life for the sport, but now I know that I have the ability to medal, and I don’t necessarily think I thought that before. I have this "why not me" mentality.
I think a lot of times we put these international lifters on a pedestal because they have been doing weightlifting for so long. With them everything looks like calculated perfection. Seeing the rise of USA in the last couple of years and being on international stages says we are ready for more medalists, and I know I can be one. I do a TON of visualizing, and I always saw myself standing on the podium, but now I really know that it’s possible, I know I’m internationally competitive, and I know that people are watching.
I also get inspired when I think of myself being a role model. I’m sort of trying to find my groove, figuring out who I want to be as a person, who I want the public to see, and so on. I’m not a super flashy girl on instagram, I like to post things that inspire and motivate people. Something that shows you have to put in hard work to get results. I want mothers and daughters to see me and be inspired just the same. I want to be the inspiring athlete that people want to emulate, and that’s motivation itself.
Yes I’m an athlete but I want to be involved in the community. I think of Kendrick Farris who’s done such a good job with that- staying in the area that he grew up in, speaking to people in a way that inspires the younger generation to put their head down and work. The world could use more role models like that, you can never have enough of it.
I want to be the role model that teaches people that performance is more important than aesthetics, and just because you could gain one more place by dropping 4 pounds, doesn’t mean you should. There’s such a focus on diet manipulation right now and it’s kind of scary- I’ve even had parents ask me about it. I firmly believe until your child has a chance to become internationally competitive, protect their growth and teach them to eat healthy, teach them to love their bodies no matter what. Performance and love of the sport comes before all. Make sure you are having fun with what you are doing.
I’m actually really excited because I am going up a weight class! My body naturally sits in- between two classes, which is actually good for the sport since my coach likes me to train about 2-3 kilos heavier for recovery purposes. But it’s such a trend now to drop weight classes that I’m excited to rebel and break the trend and show people that they can gain weight too.
I’ve never really been someone who’s obsessed with food, but it can be a slippery slope on a cut. Weighing yourself every time you’re in the bathroom and that sort of stuff is not healthy. I mean you always want to watch what you’re eating to some degree, but competing as a 48 for that long of a time became a little bit too obsessive for me. Most of the women that I competed against at the Olympics were 53k weightlifters prior leading up to it.
LET’S TALK ABOUT YOGA, WHICH SEEMS TO BE AS MUCH OF A PASSION FOR YOU AS WEIGHTLIFTING.
I’ve been doing yoga for a long time; my mom and I used to do yoga together. I sort of dropped it for a little because it was hard to balance when I was doing triathlons, because you’d be training 24/7.
When I was doing CrossFit I started it up again and tried flow, restorative, bikram and hot yoga (all the yoga!) trying to find a style that worked for me, and I wasn’t really finding it. Then I saw Sandra Arechaederra, who is a master’s lifter, posting about “yoga challenges” on social media and I wanted to learn more. She totally got me back into it; we did month long challenges and it was so fun. Sandra created this pseudo program for me called #DoYourYoga - just a pose a day- that worked around my weightlifting training. It’s awesome because it has caught on and quite a few people follow it now.
I loved that I had found yoga that integrated weightlifting. I actually always wanted to become a yoga instructor for athletes and offer something that not only takes the functionality of stretching, but includes the spiritual aspect innate to yoga. I grew up in the church but I’m not really religious anymore, so yoga became my church. I’d go to yoga and leave feeling refreshed, whole, and like I had “me time”.
More recently I’ve really been into mindfulness and meditation, which is hard. I actually changed up absolutely everything 6 months before the Olympic trials, which by the way, is 100% completely not recommended. Ha! But. We just knew something was missing, and I trusted Dean. We moved across the country to be with one coach (which didn’t work out), then we moved to train at the Olympic Training Center where I worked with Zygmunt (who is the best human being alive), but he was coaching like 17 people at the same time, which is tough. So we knew something had to change, and that’s when we got with Shahin Nasirinia.
It was around this time that I started doing guided meditations before I slept, on the advice of Holley Mangold, and I would say that I owe at least 60% of my success at Olympic trials to meditation. Going into trials, I told Dean he couldn’t stay with me, and the day before I don’t want to see anyone at all, I just want my mom to bring me food. I spent three days by myself, just being in my own body.
Most people when they get on stage are super nervous and fidgety and I was so calm, so mellow, smiling and excited, because I knew I was ready. It was such an incredible feeling. I don’t think most people work on their brain- they think they can just muscle through it because it’s weightlifting. And I even see it in CrossFit: when you’re doing thousands of reps, yes you can muscle through it, but when it comes down to it, that last 10% is all mental and if you don't have it, you’re never going to get to that elite level.
I’ve always wanted to coach but I’m not sure I want to be in the gym all day every day, that just seems not so fun for me- I’m a very outdoorsy person. So getting into this mindfulness and poring through psychology books makes me want to pursue sports psychology. I mean, coaches are everywhere these days and I think the psychology behind it all has gotten lost in the mix. I feel like it’s considered “hippy shit” and that couldn’t be further from the truth. I must say it is definitely gaining popularity in the athletics community. It’s just learning to be present. It’s learning to be comfortable with who you are as a person and how to achieve your goals in life in an organized manner.
I think we all try to force things on ourselves or change very innate qualities about ourselves, like I have an artistic side that I always wanted to pursue, but I was always super competitive and tried keep sports as a side hobby. And I realized that this “hobby” of sports was pretty time sensitive and if I wanted to do it, I needed to do it.
HOW ARE YOU MENTALLY & PHYSICALLY PREPARING FOR YOUR GOAL OF MEDALING AT THE NEXT OLYMPICS?
I would attribute my mentality to lots of things; my nature, how I grew up, having a solid support system, a dad who pushed me and challenged me. But really what I think drives me is knowing that there are people out there who are working harder than me. Knowing there are people who want to beat me. And it’s gonna be a lot harder this time.
Now I have this target on my back. Which is strange because I haven’t really embraced the fact that I’m an “Olympian” yet... sometimes I wonder if that even happened. Such an accumulation of the last four years into moments on stage. I wonder what the root of that is, maybe it’s because I didn’t do as well as I wanted so I’m hungry for more. So now I’m faced with just doing my best. I mean I know what it takes to get there, so I just have to be confident in my hard work and trust that I can get back to that level. And then just deliver that extra push.
I think of Melanie Roach, who came back at 40 and was doing eerily close numbers that she did as an Olympian and I was amazed. I asked my coach about it and he said that it’s easy to get back to where you were... it’s those last couple kilos that you have to really fight for. I feel like that’s where I’m at now.
WHAT WOULD YOUR ADVICE BE TO WOMEN WHO HAVE A BIG GOAL OR DREAM?
Commit to it. If you’re gonna do it, don’t half ass anything. Learn to trust your gut. And if you fail, so what? What are you really going to lose? Money? Money comes back around. You’ll know you gave it everything you had. People are so scared of failure, and I think I am a little bit too, but failure isn’t bad. Commit.
Be sure to follow along on Morghan's road to the 2020 Olympics on her Instagram @kingmorghan and check out her yoga page @liftersyoga !
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Do Gyms Intimidate You? They Used to Scare Me Too
If you told me 5 years ago that the gym would be my place of both work and play, that I'd spend my days throwing barbells around and teaching people how to move well and get strong, all while wearing spandex day in and day out, I would've laughed right in your face.
Gyms made me wildly uncomfortable. If I had to go, I'd wear the baggiest stuff I owned, and I certainly wasn't anywhere *near* knowing what I was doing. I'd hide in the corners and untangle my headphones 40 times and maybe run on the treadmill for a little because that's what the girls always seemed to do, but only if I could find one in the back of the room where no one could see how much my body jiggled when I ran. The whole experience front to back was scary, stressful, far from fun, and clearly not for me. Man, how times have changed.
Ladies, I need you to know this. 👉 The gym IS FOR YOU, if that's where you want to be. Though it can be intimidating at first, I don't want you to ever believe that this space can't be yours, for any reason. That you can't someday learn how to barbell and feel comfortable (confident, even!) walking around in yoga pants, or even teach other people how to do the same, if that's what you want.
Never let anyone make you feel like you aren't ready, worthy, or welcome in these spaces, no matter where you're coming from or what you look like. Keep showing up and own that shit.
Fitness & Beyond: The Secret To Finding & Keeping Motivation
Making it to the gym regularly. Reorganizing your office. Choosing to eat better. Making that dentist appointment you’ve been putting off. Starting that business.
We all have these things that seem to live perpetually on the bottom of our to-do lists, and never actually ever get done. Whether they’re big projects or tiny tasks, we find them entirely overwhelming and sit around waiting for motivation to hit us before we attempt to tackle them.
Sometimes those things require overwhelming upkeep need to be added into our daily or weekly habits and routines, like regularly making time for the gym, meal prep, or self care. Sometimes they are overwhelming one-time to-do’s like cleaning out the garage, writing that overdue thank you note (why does that one always seem so daunting?!), or donating those old clothes. And sometimes they’re both - something that takes both a big initial kick and regular upkeep, like finally creating and maintaining that blog, or starting the new side hustle you’ve been dreaming about, which can seem doubly overwhelming.
With all the responsibilities, stress and directions we get pulled every day, between work, kids, home, family, friends, money, health, pets, housework, and so on, most of the time we barely have our head above water and are struggling to keep up as is- let alone have time or energy to give to learn Spanish. If you’re anything like me, the more to-do’s pile up, the more behind I get, and the more stressed out I become, I tend to shrink away, shut down, do less, and become almost paralyzed by ALL THE THINGS. Which then becomes the feedback loop from hell, as more things pile up and all I can do is watch with anxiety and horror, motionless, with eyes like saucers as the stress level rises and rises. Then I’ve really gone and fucked myself. Sound familiar?
So. Whether you’re pinned under an ALLTHETHINGS 21 car pile up, or you have things generally under control but just can’t seem to ever get yourself to do that one thing you’ve been wanting to, where do you find the motivation to make a change?
Finding focus can be a struggle- we've all been there.
Here’s the truth, and it’s probably one you don’t want to hear, but it’s important: the lightning bolt of motivation will not appear out of blue sky and strike down upon you the will to make a change. Though every so often, a rogue spark of inspiration may hit (maybe from reading a book or seeing something that triggered an action or idea), if you are living your life scrolling instagram for that one inspirational post to catapult you into lasting action, you’re making a grave mistake, and here’s why.
Motivation doesn’t appear until action has been taken. Yeah, let that one sink in. Read it again, say it out loud, write down, and believe it, because it’s science. (But really though: Newton's first law of motion is the concept of inertia: bodies at rest tend to stay at rest and bodies in motion tend to stay in motion). You know before when I talked about that really shitty do-nothing feedback loop? Well it works the opposite way too. When you take action, whether it’s big or small, the feeling of reward and accomplishment is almost always great enough for you to want to take another step or do it again. Taking action is where you find motivation. It doesn’t come from nowhere, it comes from you.
One of my favorite takeaways from Gretchen Rubin’s book, The Happiness Project, was her idea that before she started anything, she needed to “tackle a nagging task”. (Read: that thing that’s been full on squatting on your to-list for so long that’s thisclose to actually owning it). What you’ll find is that when you just WOMAN UP and tackle that oh so annoying task, you’ll feel rejuvenated and immediately think, “ok, what next?”, ready to take on the next thing. It won’t be long until you’re a full blown productivity Sharknado, knocking out all those emails, chores, and errands you’ve been putting off for months.
You want to make it to the gym 4 days a week but where do you find the motivation? Do you sit around thinking about when to do it, and then dance around deciding if you feel up to it today? NO. You lace up your walking shoes and put a leash on your fur baby (or strap on your human baby, or put a leash on your human child or strap on your fur baby, I mean really, no judgement here) and you get outside. (And then do it again tomorrow, and the next day)
Wish you had the motivation to work out? Step one is going to the gym.
The sweet, sweet wave of momentum here will be instantly noticeable, and you may decide to turn those walks into longer walks or runs, or trade in that time for the gym, now that you know you can carve out 60 minutes to make it happen. And what you’ve managed to do then, is make it part of your routine- you’ve made it a habit, which is exactly what you want.
People ask me all the time where I find the motivation to work out and eat well. On the workout side, I do it because it’s simply habit for me at this point, plain and simple. It’s what I do. I wish I had something more romanticized to say about that, but this is the secret about motivation: it doesn't last forever. I'm rarely "motivated" to go to the gym every day. I started CrossFit one day, fell in love with it, went 3-4 times a week, and it became my routine. I’ve been doing it so long now that when I have a week where I don’t go as much or at all, I feel off, my mood sinks, my sleep suffers, and I get into a funk. So my "motivation" for continuing to go, you could say, is to not feel crappy. (Have you seen my Snapchat chat on this topic? It's over in the VIDEOS tab!)
And when it comes to nutrition, I choose food that will support me feeling good in the gym- so it’s no surprise that when I’ve been out of the gym for a while, I don’t make the best nutrition choices. Because when I eat well, I feel strong, and feeling strong in the gym makes me feel unstoppable, and that feeling gives me life, and so on (the positive feedback loop). And it all began with me just taking action, taking a risk and walking into a gym one day.
The point here is that the concept of motivation is a slippery one to grasp, because not only do you have to create it yourself, but it doesn't last. When you've created the spark and the will to make a change, you've got to act on it to get momentum going, and then actively work to keep it up. The "motivation" may fade away in time but what you're hopefully left with is a lasting habit, mindset, routine and lifestyle.
And here’s the best part: more often than not, these action steps are transferrable! Meaning, cleaning out your closet or painting your living room may VERY WELL grant you the motivation to lace up those running shoes or do a meal prep sesh, and vice versa. Because the fastest way to feel like you're in control and on top of your shit and doing the things you want to be doing, is to get on top of your shit and do the things you want and get in control. ACT and then ride the wave of momentum.
So no matter what you are hoping to tackle or accomplish, here are some action steps to do right now to start making some shit happen:
Do this:
- First things first. If you’re stuck under the ALLTHETHINGS stress accident and need some time away, take it. Take a weekend off of everything, clear your mind, delete social media apps, take baths, etc. Take the time to tune out the noise, reclaim your headspace, find your energy and refresh your life. This is important.
- Next, use that clarity to decide what you really want to do. Do you really want to CrossFit 4x a week or would you rather take a hip hop class? Are you needing more time away to decompress on the regular? Are you really excited about starting a blog or is it just what you think you should do? (A whole post on "shoulds" coming soon). What is it that you want?
- Write out your to do list(s) and the things you want to accomplish in no particular order- just all the shit that needs doing. If it helps you to write separate lists from each area of your life (housework, work, side hustle, etc), do it. Just get it all out of your head and to a place you can see it.
- Comb through your list and rewrite it based on priority. If you know a few tasks are time sensitive, push those to the top, and the things that can wait go to the bottom. (Take a hard look at the things “that can wait”. Are any of those things that you’ve already been putting off for a long time?) Figure out what's important, and then:
- Tackle a nagging task. The thing that you think about and groan over while you’re trying to fall asleep, the thing that gives you anxiety when you remember you’ve been ignoring it, the thing that full on nags you, stresses you the fuck out and you really, really don’t want to do. Think like Nike and just FUCKING DO IT. (Sorry for yelling I’m just getting excited here ok?)
- If getting active is on your wishlist, tackle a nagging health task too. Lace up your shoes, pop in P90X, join that gym, sign up for that dance class you’ve been dreaming about, arrange for child care to allow the time for it all, etc. Just take one step, do one thing, no matter how small.
- Book it in. So now that you've got the annoying stuff out of the way and you have some order to your life, make the appointment, schedule in your gym days, reserve your spot in class, clear a morning for decluttering your office, etc. Actually put this stuff into your calendar and respect it's place in there. This time you're not pushing it off for later- it's booked in, you've made the time for it and you're getting it done. (Bringing a friend along for the ride can up your chances of sticking to it).
- Keep putting these things on your calendar for at least 8 weeks- by that point things should become routine, but until then, make sure you create the time and respect your promise to yourself.
- And when you whittle away that to-do list, rinse and repeat.
A good reminder
Cuz here’s the bottom line: it can feel oh so convenient and cozy and easy to think that these things are just out of our hands- that we have no say or control until the elusive Motivation Fairy chooses to bestow us with a sprinkle of go-get-‘em dust, but that’s just not how this works. The things we want in life become ours when we choose to make it so, and then take action. When we look them right in the face and attack them head on, when we step out of our comfort zone and make a change (cue Man in the Mirror). Action first, motivation second.
So here’s your go-get-‘em dust. What are you going to do with it?
XO,
Taylor
An important consideration for your health + wellness journey.