A Few Thoughts on Getting Up When You're Down

Do you ever feel like a fraud? Like you don't understand why anyone would trust your advice, or how you ever got to the place you did? That you secretly feel like you have no idea what you're doing and soon everyone is going to find out and you'll get called out for it and your jig is going to be up for good? Me too.

It can be really tough when you're questioning everything you are, constantly getting hit by wave after wave of shit days and weeks. It's like the second you find your footing, another wave comes along and takes you down again and before long, the undertow turns you into a rag doll.

While I love to use this platform as a space for positivity, I feel like it's important to remember that these feelings are also part of the human experience, and there's no shame in being vulnerable (*she repeats to herself as her finger quivers above the share button*). I also know that just hearing of people being in a similar place has an eerily comforting effect; no one is truly alone here, and that's somehow a beautiful thing. So I wanted to be sure to tell you this:

If the last few days, weeks, or months have tossed you around and have you reevaluating everything, feeling like a fraud, or maybe just feeling lost, know that you are not alone here. We all struggle with our identity, our worth, with being accepted by our communities, with the value in our work, with finding our path. Sometimes these worries hum quietly in the background while we enjoy the present, and sometimes they are a full on steam engine blaring in our brain all day long. No matter how currently consumed (or not) we are by these thoughts, we ALL have them.

No one (no one!) has it all figured out. In one way or another, we're all just trying to get our shit together, on repeat until the end of time. It's ok to just sit and feel these waves sometimes, but always remember you're not alone.

Keep your head up, celebrate the small stuff, take back control where you can and let the rest go. Figure out what makes you happy and do more of that.

Trust in your knowledge, have faith in your experience, and believe in your value. You can do this.💜

Fitness & Beyond: The Secret To Finding & Keeping Motivation

Making it to the gym regularly. Reorganizing your office. Choosing to eat better. Making that dentist appointment you’ve been putting off.  Starting that business.

We all have these things that seem to live perpetually on the bottom of our to-do lists, and never actually ever get done. Whether they’re big projects or tiny tasks, we find them entirely overwhelming and sit around waiting for motivation to hit us before we attempt to tackle them. 

Sometimes those things require overwhelming upkeep need to be added into our daily or weekly habits and routines, like regularly making time for the gym, meal prep, or self care. Sometimes they are overwhelming one-time to-do’s like cleaning out the garage, writing that overdue thank you note (why does that one always seem so daunting?!), or donating those old clothes. And sometimes they’re both - something that takes both a big initial kick and regular upkeep, like finally creating and maintaining that blog, or starting the new side hustle you’ve been dreaming about, which can seem doubly overwhelming.

With all the responsibilities, stress and directions we get pulled every day, between work, kids, home, family, friends, money, health, pets, housework, and so on, most of the time we barely have our head above water and are struggling to keep up as is- let alone have time or energy to give to learn Spanish. If you’re anything like me, the more to-do’s pile up, the more behind I get, and the more stressed out I become, I tend to shrink away, shut down, do less, and become almost paralyzed by ALL THE THINGS. Which then becomes the feedback loop from hell, as more things pile up and all I can do is watch with anxiety and horror, motionless, with eyes like saucers as the stress level rises and rises. Then I’ve really gone and fucked myself. Sound familiar?

So. Whether you’re pinned under an ALLTHETHINGS 21 car pile up, or you have things generally under control but just can’t seem to ever get yourself to do that one thing you’ve been wanting to, where do you find the motivation to make a change?

Finding focus can be a struggle- we've all been there.

Here’s the truth, and it’s probably one you don’t want to hear, but it’s important: the lightning bolt of motivation will not appear out of blue sky and strike down upon you the will to make a change. Though every so often, a rogue spark of inspiration may hit (maybe from reading a book or seeing something that triggered an action or idea), if you are living your life scrolling instagram for that one inspirational post to catapult you into lasting action, you’re making a grave mistake, and here’s why. 

Motivation doesn’t appear until action has been taken. Yeah, let that one sink in. Read it again, say it out loud, write down, and believe it, because it’s science. (But really though: Newton's first law of motion is the concept of inertia: bodies at rest tend to stay at rest and bodies in motion tend to stay in motion). You know before when I talked about that really shitty do-nothing feedback loop? Well it works the opposite way too. When you take action, whether it’s big or small, the feeling of reward and accomplishment is almost always great enough for you to want to take another step or do it again. Taking action is where you find motivation. It doesn’t come from nowhere, it comes from you.

One of my favorite takeaways from Gretchen Rubin’s book, The Happiness Project, was her idea that before she started anything, she needed to “tackle a nagging task”. (Read: that thing that’s been full on squatting on your to-list for so long that’s thisclose to actually owning it). What you’ll find is that when you just WOMAN UP and tackle that oh so annoying task, you’ll feel rejuvenated and immediately think, “ok, what next?”, ready to take on the next thing. It won’t be long until you’re a full blown productivity Sharknado, knocking out all those emails, chores, and errands you’ve been putting off for months.

You want to make it to the gym 4 days a week but where do you find the motivation? Do you sit around thinking about when to do it, and then dance around deciding if you feel up to it today? NO. You lace up your walking shoes and put a leash on your fur baby (or strap on your human baby, or put a leash on your human child or strap on your fur baby, I mean really, no judgement here) and you get outside. (And then do it again tomorrow, and the next day)

Wish you had the motivation to work out? Step one is going to the gym.

The sweet, sweet wave of momentum here will be instantly noticeable, and you may decide to turn those walks into longer walks or runs, or trade in that time for the gym, now that you know you can carve out 60 minutes to make it happen. And what you’ve managed to do then, is make it part of your routine- you’ve made it a habit, which is exactly what you want.

People ask me all the time where I find the motivation to work out and eat well. On the workout side, I do it because it’s simply habit for me at this point, plain and simple. It’s what I do. I wish I had something more romanticized to say about that, but this is the secret about motivation: it doesn't last forever. I'm rarely "motivated" to go to the gym every day. I started CrossFit one day, fell in love with it, went 3-4 times a week, and it became my routine. I’ve been doing it so long now that when I have a week where I don’t go as much or at all, I feel off, my mood sinks, my sleep suffers, and I get into a funk. So my "motivation" for continuing to go, you could say, is to not feel crappy. (Have you seen my Snapchat chat on this topic? It's over in the VIDEOS tab!)

And when it comes to nutrition, I choose food that will support me feeling good in the gym- so it’s no surprise that when I’ve been out of the gym for a while, I don’t make the best nutrition choices. Because when I eat well, I feel strong, and feeling strong in the gym makes me feel unstoppable, and that feeling gives me life, and so on (the positive feedback loop). And it all began with me just taking action, taking a risk and walking into a gym one day.

The point here is that the concept of motivation is a slippery one to grasp, because not only do you have to create it yourself, but it doesn't last. When you've created the spark and the will to make a change, you've got to act on it to get momentum going, and then actively work to keep it up. The "motivation" may fade away in time but what you're hopefully left with is a lasting habit, mindset, routine and lifestyle.

And here’s the best part: more often than not, these action steps are transferrable! Meaning, cleaning out your closet or painting your living room may VERY WELL grant you the motivation to lace up those running shoes or do a meal prep sesh, and vice versa. Because the fastest way to feel like you're in control and on top of your shit and doing the things you want to be doing, is to get on top of your shit and do the things you want and get in control. ACT and then ride the wave of momentum.

 So no matter what you are hoping to tackle or accomplish, here are some action steps to do right now to start making some shit happen:

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Do this:

1. First things first. If you’re stuck under the ALLTHETHINGS stress accident and need some time away, take it. Take a weekend off of everything, clear your mind, delete social media apps, take baths, etc. Take the time to tune out the noise, reclaim your headspace, find your energy and refresh your life. This is important.
2. Next, use that clarity to decide what you really want to do. Do you really want to CrossFit 4x a week or would you rather take a hip hop class? Are you needing more time away to decompress on the regular? Are you really excited about starting a blog or is it just what you think you should do? (A whole post on "shoulds" coming soon). What is it that you want? 
3. Write out your to do list(s) and the things you want to accomplish in no particular order- just all the shit that needs doing. If it helps you to write separate lists from each area of your life (housework, work, side hustle, etc), do it. Just get it all out of your head and to a place you can see it.
   • Comb through your list and rewrite it based on priority. If you know a few tasks are time sensitive, push those to the top, and the things that can wait go to the bottom. (Take a hard look at the things “that can wait”. Are any of those things that you’ve already been putting off for a long time?) Figure out what's important, and then:
4. Tackle a nagging task. The thing that you think about and groan over while you’re trying to fall asleep, the thing that gives you anxiety when you remember you’ve been ignoring it, the thing that full on nags you, stresses you the fuck out and you really, really don’t want to do. Think like Nike and just FUCKING DO IT. (Sorry for yelling I’m just getting excited here ok?) 
   • If getting active is on your wishlist, tackle a nagging health task too. Lace up your shoes, pop in P90X, join that gym, sign up for that dance class you’ve been dreaming about, arrange for child care to allow the time for it all, etc. Just take one step, do one thing, no matter how small.
5. Book it in. So now that you've got the annoying stuff out of the way and you have some order to your life, make the appointment, schedule in your gym days, reserve your spot in class, clear a morning for decluttering your office, etc. Actually put this stuff into your calendar and respect it's place in there. This time you're not pushing it off for later- it's booked in, you've made the time for it and you're getting it done. (Bringing a friend along for the ride can up your chances of sticking to it).
   • Keep putting these things on your calendar for at least 8 weeks- by that point things should become routine, but until then, make sure you create the time and respect your promise to yourself.
6. And when you whittle away that to-do list, rinse and repeat. 

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A good reminder

Cuz here’s the bottom line: it can feel oh so convenient and cozy and easy to think that these things are just out of our hands- that we have no say or control until the elusive Motivation Fairy chooses to bestow us with a sprinkle of go-get-‘em dust, but that’s just not how this works. The things we want in life become ours when we choose to make it so, and then take action. When we look them right in the face and attack them head on, when we step out of our comfort zone and make a change (cue Man in the Mirror). Action first, motivation second.

So here’s your go-get-‘em dust. What are you going to do with it?

XO,

Taylor

Your Stories: In Depth With Elisabeth Akinwale

If you're a CrossFitter, Elisabeth Akinwale is a household name. She's a five times Games competitor and qualified for her first Games a staggering eight months after discovering CrossFit in 2010. It comes as no surprise that she's been an athlete all of her life, starting as a gymnast at the age of 4, and has collected an impressive array of distinctions and awards in various sports.

She lives in Chicago with her partner and her son, and I was thrilled when I found out that she would be attending the Girls Gone Strong Women's Strength and Empowerment Weekend here in Seattle. I have always been a huge fan, and admired her grounded and thoughtful approach to fitness, culture, body image and life. I jumped at the chance to be able to interview her, as she is always sharing such insightful and inspirational words on her social media platforms that impact thousands of women, in hopes of sharing more of her personal story with you here.

She is currently rebuilding her site and creating lots of great content over at ElisabethAkinwale.com, so be sure to check that out, and for all of the images from our photoshoot, head here. Let's get right into it!

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YOU'RE CURRENTLY NOT TRAINING TO COMPETE IN CROSSFIT. WHAT MADE YOU DECIDE TO SIT THE SEASON OUT? WILL YOU COMPETE AGAIN IN THE FUTURE? WHAT DOES YOUR TRAINING LOOK LIKE NOW?

There were a number of factors that contributed to me deciding not to compete in CrossFit this season. Overall, I try to be intentional about the direction I’m taking in my life. But there was a period of time I was competing in large part because of inertia. It was something I had been doing and I just kept doing it because I love training, and competing had become a natural part of the yearly cycle. It was important to me that people of color be represented out on that Games floor, so I carried that torch for some time. When I took a step back and assessed the whole picture, I realized that there were a lot of exciting things that I’ve wanted to pursue, but haven’t because of the demands of competition and training.

I want to challenge myself in other ways, and make more concrete contributions to the world around me, which requires time and effort committed to those endeavors. I’m not a fan of the idea that you can have it all. I don’t believe any one person can do it all, do it well, and do it at the same time. All of us have a limit to our resources, and competing in CrossFit doesn’t hold the same meaning for me that it once did, and therefore doesn’t deserve the commitment of resources that it takes to compete at a high level. It’s all about being clear with what I value in my life and making decisions accordingly.

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ONE OF THE THINGS YOU SPEAK A LOT ABOUT IS YOUR MOTHERHOOD. HOW DOES BEING A MOTHER INTERPLAY WITH YOUR CAREER AS AN ATHLETE? ARE THERE CHALLENGES? HARMONY?

My life as a mother, and a co-parenting mom specifically, is essentially why I became a competitive athlete again in my mid-thirties. I started CrossFit in the wake of a divorce and really threw myself into it as a coping strategy to manage the pain and empty spaces when I didn’t have my son with me. Spending time at the gym, building friendships, working on skills, etc., was a great distraction at the time, and grew into something much more.

Being a mother and competitive athlete was a gift to my son in that he had a front row seat to my process of setting and striving to achieve goals. He probably has a better sense of everything that goes into being a CrossFit Games athlete than most, since he’s been part of the 24 hours a day, week in and week out commitment for years on end. He’s seen me live an empowered and self-determined life, and he most definitely views women as strong and capable. 

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Being a mother made me a better competitive athlete because he’s always kept me well grounded in what is most important. I’ve been incredibly disciplined with my time, energy and focus in order to keep my competitive life rolling, while trying not to make it the focus of his life.

There are absolutely challenges with being a mother and a competitive CrossFit athlete- that’s why there are decreasing numbers of mothers reaching the highest levels of competition. The nature of the training is very time and energy intensive. Many high level coaches want their athletes to crave being in the gym more than anything else. As a mother I can say upfront, that never has been and never will be the case for me. I’m also the head of my household, and have responsibilities like putting food on the table, paying for tuition and activities, being present and having energy for my son. These things can difficult when you’re spending hours upon hours training every day. Frankly, training makes me a better mother, but training to compete, at this point, doesn’t.

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I LOVE THE WAY YOU CELEBRATE YOUR BODY FOR IT'S CAPABILITIES, ADAPTABILITY, STRENGTH, AND POWER. WAS THERE A DEFINING MOMENT THAT ALLOWED YOU TO SEE YOURSELF THIS WAY? WHAT ADVICE WOULD YOU GIVE WOMEN WHO ARE STRUGGLING TO SEE THEIR BODY IN THIS LIGHT?

There are lots of cultural elements involved with the idea that women would be viewed as anything but capable, adaptable, strong and powerful. In some ways, being boxed in as frail or less physically capable is the battleground of middle class white women, and femininity itself has been defined within those constraints, which is why we see Black women who display strength, physical and intellectual power (Serena Williams and Michelle Obama come to mind) being called masculine. 

My perception of the female body was first shaped by my image of my mother. Growing up I saw my mother as endlessly strong, and the furthest thing from frail, or any other dominant image of how femininity is displayed. For my entire childhood my mother worked overnights on her feet as a machine operator, and usually had one or two additional part-time jobs. The idea of a woman being strong and physically capable was never a question. I have an older sister who is my sports role model and we were both encouraged in our physicality. Based on this foundation, I’ve escaped the hang-ups some women have about claiming their strength.

We grew up in a sports centered household, and I started sports when I was 4. And I loved it. I like to feel my body move, I like feeling myself breathing, feeling my muscles work. During my childhood I had numerous surgeries for a health condition. My athletic career as a gymnast included seven knee surgeries. So I've had some experiences that make me appreciate my body for just existing, being able to move and take me through activities I enjoy. 

Just living life has shaped my perspective, as it does for any of us.  After I had my son I went from being a gym rat to focusing on being a mother and not so much time on my fitness. My initial venture back into training was just going on walks twice a week. It wasn't intense, but after not being as active walking just felt good.  We should allow ourselves the simple joy of feeling our bodies and experiencing the world in them. I think of women who want to stay covered at the beach because they don't think their body is fit to be seen.  I’m like, you know what feels great? The sun on your skin. You know what feels good? The wind against your skin.  Your body exists for reasons more than what it looks like. This is part of fully experiencing your life. 

Seeing yourself as what you fully are, or what you are fully capable of as a human being, requires that you be willing and brave enough to step outside of the box that’s been devised for you. These boxes are constraints, but they can also be comforting because if we fit ourselves inside them we think we’ll be more accepted, less judged, freer from the critique of others. Leadership comes from those who define themselves outside the pre-conceived notions about who or how they are supposed to be.

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People reach out to me on a regular basis to share that seeing me in the predominantly white world of elite CrossFit competition has made a difference to them. It’s makes a difference to people to see themselves reflected in me. More than just being out there, I’m working to make a more direct impact, specifically around communities who are underserved when it comes to access to fitness and wellness resources, information and facilities. If there’s any single message, it’s that we can participate in any activity we choose. We belong everywhere, and that includes where we might be a minority, or in spaces of our own making, designed to meet our specific needs.

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YOUR LAST NAME TRANSLATES TO "THE WARRIOR HAS RETURNED". (PRETTY BADASS). IN WHAT WAYS DO YOU FEEL LIKE A WARRIOR? WHAT GIVES YOU STRENGTH TO FIGHT FOR WHAT YOU WANT IN THIS WORLD? 

I feel like a warrior in that I prepare myself both physically and mentally to be ready for whatever comes my way. I don’t seek conflict, but I’m capable of holding my ground. I seek not only outward strength, but inner knowledge and peace. When I think of a warrior I think of balance—both a weapon and a shield—and I try to embody that.

Standing up for what I believe in, and what I want to achieve in this world feels like a forgone conclusion. Based on how I was raised, the people who came before me, and most powerfully in my life, as a mother. Giving up is simply not an option. My son’s presence in my life has kept me going more times than I’d like to admit.

IN WHAT WAYS HAS YOUR OWN SELF IMAGE EVOLVED, MATURED? WHAT'S ONE PIECE OF ADVICE YOU GIVE TO YOUR 20 YEAR OLD SELF?

My self image has become increasingly internally driven over the years. Like anyone else, I’ve been subject to the programming of the culture around me. There was a time when those values had more impact on the way I felt about myself and the image I wanted to project into the world. I’ve come to reject a lot of those external pressures and embrace who I am at my core.

My training and fitness focus has shifted from aesthetics, to performance, to simply valuing how I experience life living in this body. The experience includes how I look, as well as what I can do with my body, but it centers the being in the body.

My advice for myself 20 years ago? Have compassion for yourself, and be where you are. There’s nothing in this world that’s not for you, if you want it. Stay in tune with your intuition, and trust that any obstacles will be overcome, broken through, worked around, or used to build you for your next step.

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If you'd like to see all the images from our shoot, head over to the Taylor Gage Photography blog to check it out! 

A huge thank you to Elisabeth for her time! Be sure to follow Elisabeth on her Instagram @eakinwale and her Facebook page, and check out her programs at ElisabethAkinwale.com

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All images copyright Taylor Gage Photography  |  @taylorgagephotography

Makeup by OffWhite Beauty

Your Stories: In Depth with Rory Zambard

Rory Zambard has one hell of a resume. She’s a Crossfit Games veteran, travels the world as part of the Level 1 Staff, a regular on the Regionals scene and holds myriad accolades, achievements, and sponsorships both within the Crossfit community and out, all at the ripe young age of 24. She has recently opted to turn away from something most Crossfitters can only dream of in the competitive Crossfit life, and instead embark on a new and exciting journey on the island of Kauai, HI. I recently had the pleasure of sitting down with her and we chatted about all things Crossfit, who inspires her, how her mentality and body image has shifted recently, what she’s got on the horizon, and lots more.

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YOU WITHDREW FROM THE 2014 GAMES DUE TO A BACK INJURY. DO YOU HAVE ANY INTENTIONS OF QUALIFYING FOR THE GAMES AGAIN?

Never. Never ever ever. I’m done- it’s hard. It’s mentally, emotionally, spiritually really challenging, and there’s cooler things that my eyes are set on right now. I think I'll do the Open workouts this year, but I’m not sure if I’ll register… I think I’d be afraid to qualify. I don’t want to see my name stacked up anywhere.

SO IF YOU'RE NOT TRAINING FOR THE GAMES, WHAT ARE YOU TRAINING FOR RIGHT NOW?

Just fitness for real life. It’s great to be back to the intention of Crossfit: to be fit for real life, to be a part of the community, to have fun and play, and enjoy the journey again, instead of training for a specific goal. I think goals are a wonderful things to have, but I went for most of my time with Crossfit with really specific lofty goals, and a season without goals has actually been one of the best things that I’ve been able to do. So my only goal right now is to just come into the gym and have fun every day, and stay healthy.

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WHAT DOES YOUR DIET LOOK LIKE? DO YOU FOLLOW ANY SPECIFIC GUIDELINES?

When I was competing I did The Zone Diet, which I found the most effective for training- the weighing and measuring brought accuracy to my food. But for the last year, perfectly honestly, I haven’t done anything as far as precision and accuracy go. After withdrawing from the Games in 2014, my intention was to come back and compete again, and I hit a wall hard in January and I took 5 months off of fitness. I didn’t do anything for months, maybe worked out 3 times. I threw it all to the wind- training, fitness, exercising, my diet- it all had to go the wayside so I could reconfigure a lot of parts of my heart and where I’d been spending my time, and a lot of parts of who I am, and get that back in order before I worried about anything else. And now that I feel put back together and feel really whole, I maybe should focus on my food again, but it’s been so much fun to just not have to worry about feeling 100% every day. I know what 100% feels like and how much food impacts that, but for the last year I’ve been willing to not feel that way just so I can go out for Thai food at 11pm with my friends, just for fun.

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YOU ARE PART OF THE LEVEL 1 CROSSFIT STAFF WHICH MEANS EVERY WEEKEND YOU ARE INSPIRING AND HELPING PEOPLE HIT THEIR GOALS. WHO IN YOUR LIFE DOES THAT FOR YOU? WHO PUSHES YOU, GUIDES YOU AND BETTERS YOU?

I have a few people who do that for me- my mom is definitely someone that I lean on. She knows me better than anyone else in the world, knows my heart, knows how to make me better in the way only a mom can; In that subtle way that they just sort of shape you, without you even recognizing what is going on. She calls me Lisa V 2.0. She’s my sounding board, she’s my comfort, she makes me better. Also my best friend Lizzy does that for me- she knows the best and the worst of me, she’s my play and I have so much fun with her. But more importantly she knows everything about my heart, and those are the people that hold you accountable, who challenge you, and know when you’re falling short of the mark. Having someone be able to call you on your bullshit is the best part, and to be able to tell you the truth without sugarcoating it. Someone to just shoot ya straight, and it can hurt, but it’s awesome.

Meeting Lizzy was great- we hated each other at first. You know how with women (something I’ve kind of gotten over but every so often it’s there), where you see another woman and she’s strong and powerful and pretty and smart, and you think “oh we could never be friends I hate you”, [laughs]. I don’t know what that is, but it’s a thing! But we had a moment, after I was being stupid and a workout didn’t go the way I wanted it to, and I was stomping my feet and huffing. I walked outside to cool off, and when I came back everyone in the gym had that feeling of “Don’t talk to her- just leave her alone, she’ll kill you”. But Lizzy marched straight up to me and said, “Hey. How’s it going.” And I cried and we bonded and she’s been my best friend since then.

And Kurtis from Rainier Crossfit is my compass, like a second dad to me, that’s been instrumental in my development, my character, and perseverance- both in Crossfit and in every area of life. He’s the person who never tells you where to go, but he’ll remind you what north looks like. 

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WHAT'S IT LIKE TO HAVE A BADASS GAMES ATHLETE AS A MOM?

It’s pretty awesome, but also funny because I don’t think about it like that- she’s just my mom. But you can’t quantify how much much of an impact it’s had on me.  I got to see a mom who was just as interested in health and fitness as me, and it’s what brought me to the gym and what kept me there. I’m so proud of her and I couldn’t be more thankful that she’s my mom.

WOULD YOU SAY THAT CROSSFIT HAS CHANGED YOUR OWN BODY IMAGE?

Definitely. I grew up chubby, and there’s certainly an impact that has on your heart and how you view yourself, especially when you’re young. To break that image can be next to impossible in our society. But it changed when I started Crossfit, since that showed me I am strong and capable and that’s what’s beautiful. It showed me that beauty isn’t about what you look like- and that held for a while, but then you become an athlete, and then there’s a new set of standards for what you’re supposed to look like, which is the unfortunate part. It’s not just about what you can do anymore, it’s about how many abs you have and how little clothing you can wear. There’s a whole new standard for fitness and what’s that supposed to look like.

 

DO YOU THINK IT'S CHANGING THE LANDSCAPE FOR WOMEN IN GENERAL IN ANY GOOD OR BAD WAYS?

I think it’s doing way more good than it is bad. But there’s always a drawback, whenever there's a standard being broken there will be an extreme. And it's not Crossfit's job to fix it- that's on us. I think Crossfit has broken down a lot of boundaries, as far as what is “mainstream attractive”. It’s now beautiful to have muscles and acceptable to have abs, and it’s great if your jeans don’t fit because your quads are too big! Those are incredible things that Crossfit is responsible for. Crossfit is the sole reason there are women with abs on the covers of magazines now. It’s given people another option to feel good in their own skin and shows us that capacity is beautiful. It’s beautiful to be strong.

But there’s also a challenge with that; yes strength and capacity is beautiful, but now it’s also unless you have 8 abs to show for it, it’s not enough- we’re chasing a goal that’s impossible to reach.

And the women you see out there who are fighting for top spots in the world look the way they do because it’s their life. It’s necessary to mention that that’s not balance. I say it because I’ve done it. I say that because I’ve hung out with the best in the world, and I say that because I’m guilty of it. When you’re the fittest on earth, and you’re chasing a body fat percentage, you’re not just chasing performance anymore, you’re chasing a body image. It’s not just about what I can do, it’s how I look when I do it. And that is such a tragedy. It’s so sad that we have such capable and beautiful people, from “average” to the best in the world, but they get wrapped up in “I can’t do or eat that because it will make me look like this”. It breaks my heart. I think we should support people regardless and take a stand, and talk about reality instead of this madness, this mission to achieve something that is never attainable. You’re gonna get to 8% body fat and want to be at 7%.  When does it end? When are we good enough?

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DO YOU FEEL PRESSURE TO LOOK A CERTAIN WAY BECAUSE OF YOUR VISIBILITY IN THE SPORT?

Yes and no. There is pressure, and in the last year that’s been something I’ve decided to not acknowledge. I don’t follow anyone on Instagram, I don’t look at social media, because it’s too much visual stimulus as to how the world is saying I need to look. I don’t have everything dialed in, I don’t have everything figured out, just like everyone else, and I need to get my head and my heart straight before I look at anything that’s telling me I need to look a certain way. It’s taken a year for me to breathe and let that stress go.

It’s been a struggle sometimes, but I’m beginning to see that I’m way more than my fitness, and I forgot that for a long time. I cannot behave, act, workout, eat, or do anything based upon how I’ll be seen by the world. And I feel free now. I didn’t think I had a problem with this stuff, but I was dead wrong. I didn’t realize how far into my life I based decisions off of appearance. There’s so much freedom in just finding me, and living my life.

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WHAT DOES IT MEAN TO YOU TO BE A STRONG WOMAN?

I’m trying to separate myself from that perception of being a “strong woman”. I want to be a graceful woman. I want to be an elegant woman. A powerful woman. I think those things are much more than just being strong. “Strong” to me means you’re built to endure something, and I don’t want to endure life. I want to enjoy it. I think “strong” is something we put on ourselves, and if you walk around with your own armor, you can’t receive life and you can’t give it. I want to be armor-less, and walk through life vulnerable and graceful and full of love.

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WHAT ADVICE WOULD YOU GIVE WOMEN WHO ARE CHASING THEIR GOALS, WHETHER BIG OR SMALL?

Two things: Be fearless. Just run at it. The worst possible outcome is failure. No matter the goal, failing is getting you closer, and maybe it’s the outcome you needed, not that you wanted. And enjoy the process. I was very “goal-destination”, and when I got to the destination I was already thinking about the next destination, instead of the cliche of enjoying the ride. 

It’s one of the things I love about Crossfit. There is no arrival. You’ll never get there. There is no end. It’s why, I think, some people don’t do it- because they’ll never get there, never be the best at everything, they’ll never arrive at the destination. You need learner’s heart. Are you willing to walk into the gym every day with your guard down? Because that’s required. It’s a long journey to a far off destination, and every day you take a step closer to a target that’s moving.

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YOU'RE MAKING A HUGE MOVE TO HAWAII IN A COUPLE WEEKS. WHAT BROUGHT ON THIS MOVE AND WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO BE UP TO OVER THERE?

It’s a calling. I’ve been expressly told to go by God. I went to Kauai with Progenex for the Ultimate Trail Run, and it was so much fun and raised a ton of money for the program that offers free Crossfit to all the kids on the island. I went there when I was in a delicate place in my life and I was feeling exposed, and when I left I felt I left a piece of my heart there. I was overcome by the love there and how remarkable the people were. I just decided to pull the trigger and I accepted Aaron Hoffman’s offer. There’s a piece of advice I had gotten in the past that resonated really hard with me, which is, there are always people waiting for you on the other side of your decisions. The way has been prepared and there are people waiting. It’s not just about you, it’s about more than that. And it’s true- everything for the move has just fallen into place and the process has been way too easy- the way has been cleared. 

I’m so excited to be there. I don’t know what the program really looks like yet, all I know is I’m gonna go coach some kids! I’m coaching the middle schoolers and high schoolers a few days a week and helping Aaron organize next year’s Ultimate Hawaiian Trail Run, which raised $100k for the kids last year. It gives these kids a place to belong. It’s created a community for kids to show up and know they’re loved. Drug and alcohol abuse is a really big problem on the island- it’s inundated the island. It’s also my family’s history, I grew up in the middle of it and I know what it’s like to see recovering and not recovering drug addicts popping in and out… I have a heart for it, and I love kids, and I have this powerful tool of Crossfit to be able to use. It’s just an amazing mash up of timing and skills and gifts that’s presented itself. Plus the island’s pretty beautiful too!

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YOU'VE MANAGED TO ACHIEVE LIFETIMES WORTH OF ACCOMPLISHMENTS AND YOU'RE ONLY 24 YEARS OLD. WHAT DO YOU HOPE TO ACCOMPLISH IN THE YEARS TO COME?

This last season of my life has been about perspective. I was running from destination to destination with blinders on for so long and not actually seeing the world and the people around me. The seasons that are the hardest yield the most growth, and I wouldn’t change it for the world- my ups and downs with Crossfit, the speed I grew up at, I wouldn’t trade any part of it. I’ve been sprinting since I was born- I ran at whatever I wanted and I got it. There’s a lot of ego involved in that “see that and do it” idea, and now I can see that for what is is- a gift. 

Where I’m headed, I have no idea, and that’s the coolest part! For the first time I don’t have goals. The only goal that I have is to love people relentlessly. I have the opportunity for a new beginning, and I get the choice to love relentlessly. Whatever that means, I’m not sure, but that’s what I want to walk into.

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All photographs copyright Taylor Gage Photography. Hair and makeup by Off White Beauty, Seattle.

Product Review: The Commit30 Planner

To all my fellow Monicas; my list-making, organization obsessed, OCD, goal oriented, driven friends, this one's for you. And to all you out there who strive to be organized and focused about your goals and daily life, this one's for you too!

I was lucky enough to be able to receive a copy of the new Commit30 planner right off the presses after it's release, and I have to say that I'm sort of obsessed with it already. And if you've got goals that you're working towards, either currently or have them pinned as new year resolutions, I think you'll find that you'll be pretty obsessed with this planner too.

This isn't just any day planner. It's way for you to be proactive about setting goals for your life and then get them done. It allows you to not only think carefully about what you intend to accomplish each month, but creates a way for you to develop baby step, bite-sized action steps, so that you can create the consistency and accountability to yourself that makes the difference between real success and maybe-I'll-try-again-next-month. Oh, and it's adorable. 

I truly think that this little book could be a huge asset to help hit your goals, whether they are simple as trying to drink more water or get to bed an hour earlier, or as large as starting your own company or preparing for that scary athletic competition. 

Are you ready for 2016? What do you want to accomplish? Stop wishing and start doing! Take control and get after what you want. Hold yourself accountable and make it happen!

(Oh and lucky for you, this bad boy's on sale for 40% off until December 25th).

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Here's a little vid on all the details and features of the Commit30 planner:

Photos From My Wedding!

I am so excited to share images from my wedding with you today! I married my husband, Mike, back in early September and was absolutely perfect. It was a day filled with so much laughter, tears, hugs, smiles, and incredible people, that I almost can't remember it- it was all so thoroughly consuming in the best of ways, and of course, went by all too fast.

We had a perfect forecast leading up to our wedding weekend and had everything set to go for the outdoor festivities, and the weather was beautiful that morning as the girls and I got ready at our hotel. Mike's brother in law, Scott, married us, and rocked us all with laughter and moved us all to tears in the incredibly beautiful ceremony he prepared for us. I walked down the aisle to my brother playing "Here Comes the Sun" on guitar, which was my parent's recessional song at their wedding 43 years ago. We stood on my grandmother's rug and held hands under a canopy of green branches and hanging lanterns as we exchanged our vows, surrounded by our favorite people in the world. As the ceremony came to a close, claps of thunder shook the skies, adding quite the drama and excitement to our words. After we just made it back down the aisle and inside, the rain began. And it rained- oh, it rained. HARD. And didn't let up.

With the help of our incredible team of vendors we were able to enjoy the rest of the night a la improvised Plan B. Though it saddened me to see all my planning and all the truly stunning dining tables and outdoor displays that our florist put together get ruined almost instantly by the rain, nothing could stop that night from being the best ever. And it was just that: The best day ever. 

We moved the dinner and reception into two small rooms that the venue had, and made it work! Instead of table numbers, we had locations; My talented cousin drew sketches of all the cities and places that both of us have lived or that we hold dear to our hearts. We wanted all of our guests to be able to find themselves in a photograph with us- dozens of prints littered the tables and people sifted through them over drinks. We had a large table with framed images of our grandparents, parents and other special family portraits. We were treated to the most amazing toasts by our friends and family, and then, of course, partied the night away! We got things started off with our first dance, Fleetwood Mac's "Everywhere With You", and only left the dance floor to pop into the photo booth or take a polaroid for the guest book. Guests took some local Seattle coffee home as favors, that we had packaged and stamped with our name the night before.

It was just perfection! I hope you enjoy our images from our wonderful and super talented photographer, Amanda K, who also captured our stunning engagement shoot on the Oregon coast earlier this year.

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VENUE THE ROBINSWOOD HOUSE | PHOTOGRAPHY AMANDA K PHOTOGRAPHY | DRESS NICOLE MILLER FROM THE DRESS THEORY | SHOES BADGLEY MISCHKA | FLORALS + EVENT DESIGN STACY ANDERSON DESIGN | MAKEUP {ME} | HAIR OFF WHITE BEAUTY | CALLIGRAPHY + SIGNAGE LIBBY TIPTON | DAY-OF COORDINATION ALYSSA HOFFMAN EVENTS | CATERING TWELVE BASKETS CATERING

Your Stories: In Depth with Melissa Hartwig from Whole30

Melissa Hartwig, the New York Times bestselling author and co-founder of the wildly popular and life-changing Whole30 program, has been on a whirlwind tour for her new book, The Whole30. Between pitstops at places like The Today Show, Dr. Oz and The View, she kindly made time to sit down and chat with us for She Thrives, and we are so thrilled to share our conversation with you today! Melissa was absolutely as fun, kind and insightful as we were hoping she'd be, had some amazing answers to our questions, and couldn't have been more gracious.

Read our detailed interview with her to learn all about the way she handles industry pressure, how her own body image and outlook has changed, how she draws on her strength from getting clean to help people with their food issues, and lots lots more.

The Whole30: The 30-Day Guide to Total Health and Food Freedom

By Melissa Hartwig, Dallas Hartwig

Buy on Amazon

WHAT INSPIRED THIS NEW BOOK?

Our first book, It Starts With Food, outlined all the scientific background for our general, big picture nutritional recommendations. It was the science behind our 4 good food standards, why we exclude the foods we exclude, and the health benefits of the foods that you’re eating. We outlined the Whole30 in that book, in the way of "here are the big picture recommendations and here’s a way that you can implement these in a self experiment", and we thought that would be enough for people to be really successful with the program. 

What we discovered was people would say, "I love the science, I love knowing why I’m doing what I’m doing, I’m super motivated, but I still need to know how to do the program"- We realized that people needed a lot more practical application. We did some focus groups and were surprised by the number of people who said that the Whole30 taught them how to cook. So this book came out of the desire to put everything we thought people needed to be successful with the Whole30 all in one place. So it’s got all of the preparation and getting started, planning tips, the extensive FAQs, and then cooking fundamentals (which we never would have thought to include until people told us they wanted that), and then also 100 recipes. 

So the thought behind this book was, if someone asked you about the Whole30 or you wanted to share it with someone, you could hand them this book and walk away, and they could be incredibly successful with the program.

AS THE CREATOR OF THE WHOLE30, DO YOU FEEL A LOT OF PRESSURE TO EAT AND LIVE "PERFECTLY"?

Oh my gosh what an insightful question. I used to. I used to feel like there was a lot of pressure to look a certain way (especially when I had my baby), to eat a certain way, to always exercise, to never have hard days.. But I gave that up a really long time ago when I realized it made me feel like an imposter in my own life. I was setting this standard for myself that I couldn’t expect anyone else to hold up to, and I certainly couldn’t hold up to, and I don’t think that set a good example for our readers. People connect with authenticity, with you sharing pieces of your life, the good and the bad, and hopefully explaining some of the life lessons you’re learning along the way. 

So I don’t feel that pressure anymore. There’s still the occasional, "I’m getting up in front of a lot of people today, do I look pretty enough?" kind of thing, but I feel like anyone standing up in front of 400 pople might think that. But for the most part, I really have found great peace in being more genuine in my own life and in my own struggles and sharing that with my readers, and they really seem to connect with that really really deeply. 

ONE OF THE THINGS YOU MENTIONED AT YOUR BOOK SIGNING WAS HOW THE WHOLE 30 GETS WOMEN OUT OF THE MIRROR AND OFF OF THE SCALE. HOW WOULD YOU SAY YOUR OWN BODY IMAGE HAS CHANGED SINCE GOING DOWN THIS PATH?

I had been using food so much as a tool for my body composition (either a reward, punishment or comfort), and just not having access to those foods to use in that way forced me to take a look at that and say, "ok I’m really lonely tonight, what am I going to do instead", or "I’m feeling really uncomfortable about my body weight, where is this leading me tonight". So between that and focusing on strength training, and just focusing on getting stronger, I was able to see food and my body in a different light. There would be days that would go by where I realized I hadn’t scrutinized myself in the mirror at all, and that had never happened before. 

I think part of this also came with the realization that I don’t have to be perfect and I’m not supposed to be perfect.  There used to be a time (this is true), that I used to say "there’s no such thing as too skinny" -honestly- before I started Crossfit, before Whole30. But now for me it’s more important to look healthy than to look any other way, and healthy for me looks 5 or 10 pounds more than what I used to carry. I think pregnancy helped change that too- you gain weight, you’re curvy, everything's bigger, you feel voluptuous, and it changed my perspective enough that I was able to get out of the majority of the body dysmorphia that I had.  And I’m still not totally there- I still have my moments. But when I get into that place now I’m able to get out of it so much faster. 

ON THAT TOPIC, A LOT OF PREGNANT WOMEN STRUGGLE WITH STICKING TO A PALEO TEMPLATE SIMPLY BECAUSE CRAVINGS AND AVERSIONS START TO TAKE OVER. HOW DO YOU SUGGEST WOMEN HANDLE THIS CHALLENGING TIME?

I highly recommend doing a Whole30 before you get pregnant, so that you can identify the way foods impact you. So when you’re pregnant and having cravings or aversions and you’re having a hard time sticking to a rigid paleo template, you know which of the grains or which of the "off-plan" foods you can eat that aren't going to mess you up in a really major way. 

I also like to tell people when it comes to cravings or aversions, shop from your pantry. I used to bring the whole damn grocery store home when I was pregnant- every single thing that I could possibly, maybe want to eat, and every time I’d want to eat I’d go through it all and think "do I want this, or maybe this"... Having a huge variety of really compliant choices would make me oftentimes gravitate towards some things that I wouldn’t have thought I wanted, but because they were there, I could eat them, and they were all healthy and clean. 

Constantly reevaluate whether you can or can’t eat a certain food. For me I couldn't eat eggs at 8am, but by 11am, eggs sounded really good. You’re probably going to have to toss meal planning out the window since often you don’t know what you’re going to want until 5 minutes before you’re eating. 

And if it’s really a struggle, I just say go back to the foods you know are going to do the least damage- see if you can satisfy that craving with a more compliant version of that food. If you’re craving something super starchy and sweet, instead of a pastry, would maybe a sweet potato drenched in ghee with a little brown sugar and cinnamon do the trick? Get creative. Don’t use this as an excuse to eat all the things, just because you’re pregnant. 

FROM EXPERIENCE, I KNOW THAT PROTEIN AND MEAT IN PARTICULAR WAS HARD TO EAT DURING PREGNANCY. ANY TIPS FOR HOW TO KEEP UP YOUR PROTEIN INTAKE WHILE PREGNANT?

When you’re pregnant, your body has a more difficult time getting rid of ammonia (a byproduct of amino acid breakdown), and higher levels of ammonia in your blood and body can be dangerous, so it kind of makes sense that women get an aversion. I think there’s enough evidence to suggest that a super high protein diet isn’t really good for mom or for baby, at least in that first trimester.

But the other piece of it is this: If you’ve been eating a really healthy, high quality diet, if you don’t eat that much protein for a month or two, it’s no big deal. Your body has plenty of vitamin B12 stores and your iron isn’t going to tank in a matter of a month or two, so try to look at this from more of a big picture perspective versus day to day. If you go through your day and can’t get any protein in whatsoever, no problem- your body has a tremendous capacity  to buffer, balance and store. 

And remember to explore your options and think outside the box! I ate so much canned salmon when I was pregnant- something I never really ate that much of before. Think, could you have sardines right now, do I want salumi, maybe some chicken salad, and eventually something will probably sound good. 

WHEN YOU'RE TRYING TO CHANGE YOUR EATING HABITS AND THAT DOUGHNUT OR COOKIE IS STARING YOU IN THE FACE AND YOU'RE DECIDING WHETHER OR NOT TO GIVE IN, WHAT IS YOUR THOUGHT PROCESS LIKE AND HOW DO YOU HANDLE THAT?

The first thing you have to identify is do you actually really want to eat it. The brain does some really funky things when presented with an opportunity to get reward: Dopamine spikes and you get really excited and the anticipation takes over, and it’s like an adrenaline response- fight or flight- am I doing this or not. So I always encourage people to pause, and just take a moment, take some deep breaths to go against that fight or flight stress response, and take that minute to think about what’s going on with this doughnut. 

Ask yourself a couple questions: Do I really want to eat this? Is it really going to be worth it? Is this a stale doughnut that’s been sitting out for 4 hours since the marketing meeting, or are you in Portland and planned a visit to the famed VooDoo Doughnuts? There’s a difference. Is it going to mess me up? Will the consequences of eating this be so negative that I will regret this choice? 

If you get through all of these questions and you still want the doughnut, then eat the doughnut! That way it’s a conscious deliberate decision, and not a reaction to this reward sitting in front of you. 

And if you decide it’s not worth it, the best thing you can do is distract yourself; physically remove yourself from the temptation, call a friend, take a walk, whatever you need to do until that craving breaks it’s hold. 

WE KNOW YOU RECENTLY CELEBRATED A BIRTHDAY OF 15 YEARS CLEAN. IT'S RELATIVELY EASY TO SAY OK, I'M NOT DOING DRUGS OR DRINKING ANYMORE, BUT FOOD ISSUES ARE UNIQUE IN THE SENSE THAT YOU ALWAYS HAVE TO EAT- YOU CAN'T JUST STOP. A FAIR AMOUNT OF PEOPLE WHO STRUGGLE WITH FOOD ISSUES ARE ALSO RECOVERING ADDICTS OR ALCOHOLICS. IS THERE ADVICE YOU WOULD GIVE THEM WHERE THEY CAN DRAW ON THE SKILLS USED TO GET SOBER AND CLEAN TO HELP WITH THEIR FOOD ISSUES?

I think I’ve taken a lot from that experience and pulled it into the support we offer on Whole30, perhaps subconsciously. The advice we give people who are recovering from drugs or alcohol is the same advice I would give to people who are really struggling with food, and sugar in particular: You have to change your environment.

When I got clean, I literally threw away tee shirts and hats that reminded me of using, and I couldn’t listen to some music anymore… If you have these powerful associations, you’ve got to cut your ties. We talk about creating space or distance; I tried to create as much of a buffer between me and the drugs as I could, so I dropped all my friends who I knew would give it to me if I asked, I told my whole circle, "If I ever ask you and try to convince you that I’m ok now, you cannot pay attention, and you need to call my mom". So you create a buffer to make distance, and then you rely on support from other people on a regular basis. 

It’s the same thing with food. You can’t stop eating, and that’s what makes it so much harder. You have to learn to create a healthy relationship with the thing that you feel addicted to, which is really challenging. But you can still create the space and make your environment really safe; get  the tempting stuff out of your house (we’ve got a section in the new book that addresses when you’re the only one in a household doing the Whole30 and you can’t rid the cabinets of all temptations). Talk to your friends and family- communication is so key with this. The more personal you can make this communication, the more effectively you’ll be able to enroll people in this change. Explaining to people why you’re doing what you’re doing, the impact that these negative associations with food are having on your life, or with your relationship with that person, can all help to recruit them to help you. 

And then leaning on that support is key. I don’t think anybody coming from a place of sugar addiction or an eating disorder should do the Whole30 without the support of a trained counselor. It’s not just about the food, it’s about why you’re doing what you’re doing. Sugar is a totally real addiction that’s socially acceptable, that often comes with peer pressure too. Relying on that support and adding in tradition psychotherapy or group counseling or meetings or whatever you can do to get that in-person support (a very powerful stress mediator), can be helpful.

And you might not be able to do the Whole30 all in. The rules are not for everyone and they can actually be very triggering. If you need to modify the program for your particular context, do it. 

YOU MENTIONED THAT YOU USED TO DO CROSSFIT. WHAT IS YOUR FITNESS ROUTINE LIKE THESE DAYS?

I get into the gym or move outside about 5 days a week, and I do whatever I feel like doing. Right now (because of the book, travel, family, etc), I can’t afford to stress my body with high intensity exercise, and I don’t have the consistency in a gym to have serious performance goals. So my goal right now is to just get in there and move and maintain muscle mass. So I’m doing a lot of kettlebell stuff, some body building stuff, some heavy lifting, walking a lot, hiking occasionally, sometimes some HIIT on the erg, or just throw a bunch of weight on a sled and push it around the gym. Mostly slow and heavy stuff to keep muscle mass and not so much cardio.

I don’t do any work until I’ve gone to the gym- I always start my day with that so that it sets the tone for the rest of the day. My goals in the gym right now are to get back to 5 or 10 dead hang pull ups (since I had my appendix out in January), and I’d love a 1.5 body weight deadlift, but really right now it’s more just about moving and enjoying how good it makes me feel to be active.

WE CAN TELL BY FOLLOWING YOUR SOCIAL MEDIA THAT WOMEN LOVE YOUR HAIR AND CLOSET! IS THERE ANYTHING YOU'D LIKE TO ADD ON THE TOPIC OF BEAUTY OR FASHION?

No, actually there isn’t! It’s so funny, people are always asking for a hair tutorial or something and I just think, "No, I don’t do that!". I just can’t be all things to all people. I’m not a makeup expert or that info fashion.. It’s like "I just wrote this really long and intimate post, and you just want to ask me about my hair?". You’re never going to see me on Like To Know It- it’s just not my thing. 

WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE TOTALLY NOT PALEO TREAT YOU HAVE TO HAVE EVERY ONCE IN A WHILE?

If it’s April, it’s a Cadburry Creme Egg. It is the least food-like product in the world. It could literally not be less food. But for me, my mom always put one in my easter basket and I always saved it for last, I always got to eat the whole thing (instead of cutting it in half like I had to do with most treats). So I eat it every year, I love it, I savor it, and I move on. 

YOU'VE BEEN RUNNING THE WHOLE9 AND WHOLE30 PROGRAMS FOR A FEW YEARS NOW, AND AN ENORMOUS COMMUNITY HAS BEEN CREATED AROUND THEM. YOU'VE HEARD HUNDREDS, IF NOT THOUSANDS, OF SUCCESS STORIES OF PEOPLE CHANGING THEIR LIFE. WHAT IS THE MOST SATISFYING, MOVING OR IMPACTFUL THING YOU HEAR?

I think it’s the people who say that for the first time in their life they are in control of the food that they eat. They are almost always in tears (which always puts me in tears), because I know just how incredibly freeing that is. If you feel like you’ve been a slave or out of control, you feel weak and like you have no willpower (which is not the case), but when you finally get a handle on that,  that’s what I love to hear the most. It comes from men, from women, from 70 year old grandmothers, from teens, everyone. Hearing that people feel like they finally have a good relationship with food is what means the most to me. 

There are also amazing medical testimonials- just absolute miracles- and those are always great to hear about too. From a big picture perspective, finally developing a healthy emotional relationship with food, your body, and the scale is really really powerful, and it translates into every other area of your life. It’s the keystone to it all. The confidence that comes along with that just naturally carries over to so many different areas in life. 

WHAT'S NEXT FOR THE WHOLE30? WHERE DO YOU SEE THE PROGRAM IN THE FUTURE?

I think we are really going to expand our resources for the “life after your Whole30”- that’s where we have to go next. This book really outlines everything about how to do the program, and though I’ve written pretty extensively about what to do when you’re done (my Dear Melissa series, for example), but I really want to provide people with more information  about how to turn this into a healthy lifestyle. 

There needs to be more information about talking to friends and family about the way that you’re eating, because when you don’t have the “rules” of the Whole30 to fall back on, you have to learn how to do this in your real life and explain to people, "No, I’m not on the Whole30 anymore but I’m still not eating bread". That was actually my presentation at Paleo FX this year- Food, Friends, and Family, and how to have these conversations with people in your life, since food can be very divisive for people. 

We’d like to get more boots on the ground for in-person support and local communities (instead of just online-based), and we’d like to put together a pregnancy resource as well, to offer tips and ideas for nutrition and exercise, and also things like finding a pediatrician, or choosing your childbirth style, and so on.

But mostly we are trying to continue stay true to our roots and very connected to the community. We never want to get so big that we lose touch with our community, and in fact we have been tuning down some pretty big companies who want to partner or promote us, since we don’t want the Whole30 to become a product promotion machine. We want to make it clear that our integrity is more important than this appearance of success by partnering with big names. We will continue to keep advertising off our website, write all our own articles (no ghost writers), and stay active on social media. Yes, we are running a business, but we need to hold onto our roots.

DO YOU HAVE ANY WORDS OF ADVICE FOR WOMEN WHO ARE ON THE JOURNEY OF SELF ACCEPTANCE AND SELF BETTERMENT?

You know it’s funny, so many people say you have to learn to love yourself, and I don’t think we really know what that means. I think it’s been such a long time since we’ve been kind to ourselves, that while that sounds nice to do, in practice it’s really really difficult. A good rule of thumb is never say anything to yourself that you wouldn't say to someone else. If you think about the way we speak to ourselves and the names we call ourselves, how hard we are on ourselves, it's like, you wouldn't say that to a stranger on the street, so why are you treating yourself like that? 

So many women identify with their eating habits, their exercise habits, their motherhood status, and so on. They become "I am the healthy eater", or "I am the exerciser", or "I’m the kick-ass employee at work", and when you do that, your entire self esteem is riding on something that is entirely out of your control. What happens when you get sick or lose your job or your kid does something stupid and gets in trouble?  I like to try to help women identify the fact that you can’t use these outside factors as a proxy for your self esteem. If you weren’t an athlete or a mother or a healthy eater, who would you be? Are you kind, are you generous, are you loyal, are you dependable, are you fun? Those are all intrinsic things that no one can take away from you. If you can get clear on where you come from in that perspective, then your self esteem comes from you. Get in touch with the things that you value within yourself that no one can take away from you.

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FIND MELISSA ON INSTAGRAM AND BLOGGING OVER AT WHOLE 30 AND BE SURE TO PICK UP A COPY OF HER NEW BOOK, THE WHOLE30, IF YOU HAVEN'T ALREADY!

All photographs copyright Taylor Gage Photography. Hair and makeup by Off White Beauty.

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Your Stories: Kelsey Nagel

We couldn't be more excited to share this interview with you today! Ladies and gents, meet the gorgeous, funny, humble and totally badass Kelsey Nagel. Together with her amazing team from Crossfit Marysville, she took third place at the CrossFit Games this year- an absolutely astounding feat of strength & endurance. We got to pick her brain and ask her about her life, and we hope you enjoy learning about her journey as much as we did!

HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN CROSSFITTING AND HOW WERE YOU INTRODUCED TO IT? WHEN DID YOU REALIZE YOU LOVE IT?

I have been CrossFitting since summer of 2009. I was working in downtown Seattle and a couple co-workers of mine (who were also college athletes) told me about it and roped me into a WOD in the “globo gym” in our building. It was instantly a love-hate relationship. We were those people in the corner doing box jumps, barbell work, pullups etc... You know, the ones that get asked to be quiet and to stop scuffing up the walls and equipment. We felt quite welcome.

I realized I loved the sport after I learned there was a competition side of it. I trained at Lynnwood CrossFit when I first started at a real Affiliate with Jesse Ward, Abi Grove and Diedra Duchane, and I vividly remember the conversation I had with them a couple months after I started: Deidra and Abi told me that I was going to sign up for the 2010 Sectionals that Jesse was organizing for CrossFit HQ not two months later. I was terrified and thrilled at the same time. I finally got to train for something again. I competed at Sectionals that January and qualified by the skin of my teeth for the 2010 Regionals in Puyallup, and the rest is history.

I realized that I loved it even more when I transitioned to CrossFit Marysville in the summer of 2013 and found a group of people who were just as competitive and driven to make a statement at the CrossFit Games as I was. These people quickly became like family and I am so excited to go into another competition year with them.

HAS YOUR BODY IMAGE CHANGED SINCE YOU STARTED CROSSFIT?

Of course. After following main site WODs in the “Globo Gym” downtown for a couple months, I started seeing results; not just in better times or heavier weights, but I saw my upper body gaining tone and muscle. As a soccer player I was used to having larger, stronger legs (have had them my entire life) but I was not used to seeing muscle or size on my upper body... I wasn’t okay with that. 

I actually stopped doing CrossFit for the sole reason of not wanting to be bulky – I was already 5’11 (and about 6’3 with heels) and single – I didn’t need to be even more intimidating. September of 2008 I had a major hip surgery and was unable to bear ANY weight on my left leg for 3 months. My only option was to swim with a pull buoy and work my upper body. So I set my crutches for that of a 5’5 gal (more work had to be done to crutch) and as soon as I could physically get into a pool I was all over it. 

Over the course of the three months I started getting that upper body muscle that I didn’t like, and then it hit me... I no longer give a sh*t what other people thought about my physical appearance. I no longer cared if people were intimidated by me because I was not only tall but I was built. And since I had to live for 3 months without any weight on my legs (which turned to noodles), I never wanted to not use them to their full potential ever again. I had committed to diving head first into that ‘CrossFit’ thing as soon as my body was ready and healed from the surgery.

About a year later (Sept 2009) I started at Lynnwood CrossFit and never looked back. Through the 5 years of CrossFit I have gained 10-15lbs of muscle and have never been stronger, leaner or in better shape in my life. I get to chuckle that I out-weigh a lot of the guys that I know and am no longer sensitive to being called things like “beast”. I take it as a compliment when guys come up to me and ask me how much I bench and when they get to brag that they are still 5lbs above me in a lift. It took me awhile to get to this point but CrossFit has given me a world that I haven’t seen since the athletic department in college: a bunch of likeminded people who are about always bettering themselves and their game.

WHAT WAS IT LIKE TO GO TO THE CROSSFIT GAMES AND MAKE THE PODIUM WITH YOUR TEAM?

 I switched to CrossFit Marysville in the summer of 2013. Our goal as a team was to make the CrossFit Games and represent the Northwest on that global stage. Once we qualified, our number one goal was to have fun and perform to the best of our abilities. Of course we wanted to podium, but our thought was just, “it would be amazing to finish top 10”. At the end of the second to last day we were sitting in 3rd overall and sh*t got real. It hit all of us like a ton of bricks...we could not just podium but we had a shot to take the whole thing! After the first workout of the Final day we actually moved up to 1st overall – we were all speechless. The worm gave us some trouble on the final workout but we still managed to keep 3rd place. We got a taste of 1st place and we are hungry to come back and get it next year.

WHAT IS YOUR NUTRITION LIKE? DO YOU HAVE GENERAL GUIDELINES YOU FOLLOW WITH FOOD?

My Name is Kelsey and my life revolves around food. No joke though – Ask anyone, I plan my days around my meals. I once had a tantrum because my parents took us to a Brunch and I threw a fit because that meant an entire meal was skipped...Only Brunch and dinner?! WTF is that about?!

I eat clean though. Food makes me happy and if I limit myself too much on what I eat (i.e. strict paleo/zone etc) then my performance and my attitude suffers. I have realized that I am not going to be that super shredded girl who’s veins pop out during workouts...and I am okay with that. I eat to perform well more than eating for aesthetics.

WHAT DO YOU STRUGGLE WITH MOST IN YOUR LIFESTYLE AND HOW DO YOU WORK THROUGH IT? (DIET, WORK/LIFE BALANCE, A SPECIFIC SKILL, ETC)

I struggle with the fact that there aren’t more hours in the day. I have to get a lot in between 5am and 9pm including work, fitness and family/friends. Most of the time it works and I have the energy to make it all happen...there are days though where I am dragging arse. It comes with the territory though.

IF YOU COULD GO BACK AND GIVE YOUR 20-YEAR-OLD SELF ADVICE ON HEALTH AND BODY IMAGE, WHAT WOULD IT BE?

I would tell myself to get over the fact that I am not ever going to weigh under 170lbs. That if guys think you are too tall, large or muscular that is their own fault, you shouldn’t be wasting time on them anyway – they are too insecure in their own self to see the breeding potential in you . That strong will be the new beautiful and that there is this thing called CrossFit out there that will keep you competitive, motivated and driven well into your later years.

WHAT'S ON THE HORIZON FOR YOU NEXT? WHAT GOALS ARE YOU LOOKING TO HIT IN THE COMING YEAR(S)?

I would like to qualify for Nationals in weight lifting. I want my team to place, if not win, our next few competitions and of course qualify for regionals and win the 2015 CrossFit games with my CrossFit Marysville Bobcats.

WHAT ARE YOU MOST PROUD OF ABOUT YOUR BODY AND WHAT IT CAN DO?

Honestly, I am most proud of all of it. I’m proud that since college I have added 75lbs onto my bench press, 85lbs onto my power clean, 110 onto my squat, I can deadlift almost 400lbs and I have increased my pullups from 5 to almost 30. That isn’t because of one part of my body – it’s the whole package getting stronger.

ANY WORDS OF ADVICE FOR WOMEN ATHLETES OUT THERE, BOTH NOVICE & ADVANCED?

Nothing worth having comes without hard work and sacrifice. I would tell women that there is no ideal physical mold for a strong female athlete. Everyone is built & shaped differently. Work EXTREMELY hard on your weaknesses and embrace your strengths. Don’t let naysayers get in your head or in the way of your goals...the female body is an amazing thing and if you put your mind to it, it can accomplish almost anything. Lastly, have fun. The second you stop having fun...you’re doing it wrong. 

Follow Kelsey here & wish her and the Crossfit Marysville Bobcats best of luck this season!

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