Fitness & Beyond: The Secret To Finding & Keeping Motivation

Making it to the gym regularly. Reorganizing your office. Choosing to eat better. Making that dentist appointment you’ve been putting off.  Starting that business.

We all have these things that seem to live perpetually on the bottom of our to-do lists, and never actually ever get done. Whether they’re big projects or tiny tasks, we find them entirely overwhelming and sit around waiting for motivation to hit us before we attempt to tackle them. 

Sometimes those things require overwhelming upkeep need to be added into our daily or weekly habits and routines, like regularly making time for the gym, meal prep, or self care. Sometimes they are overwhelming one-time to-do’s like cleaning out the garage, writing that overdue thank you note (why does that one always seem so daunting?!), or donating those old clothes. And sometimes they’re both - something that takes both a big initial kick and regular upkeep, like finally creating and maintaining that blog, or starting the new side hustle you’ve been dreaming about, which can seem doubly overwhelming.

With all the responsibilities, stress and directions we get pulled every day, between work, kids, home, family, friends, money, health, pets, housework, and so on, most of the time we barely have our head above water and are struggling to keep up as is- let alone have time or energy to give to learn Spanish. If you’re anything like me, the more to-do’s pile up, the more behind I get, and the more stressed out I become, I tend to shrink away, shut down, do less, and become almost paralyzed by ALL THE THINGS. Which then becomes the feedback loop from hell, as more things pile up and all I can do is watch with anxiety and horror, motionless, with eyes like saucers as the stress level rises and rises. Then I’ve really gone and fucked myself. Sound familiar?

So. Whether you’re pinned under an ALLTHETHINGS 21 car pile up, or you have things generally under control but just can’t seem to ever get yourself to do that one thing you’ve been wanting to, where do you find the motivation to make a change?

Finding focus can be a struggle- we've all been there.

Here’s the truth, and it’s probably one you don’t want to hear, but it’s important: the lightning bolt of motivation will not appear out of blue sky and strike down upon you the will to make a change. Though every so often, a rogue spark of inspiration may hit (maybe from reading a book or seeing something that triggered an action or idea), if you are living your life scrolling instagram for that one inspirational post to catapult you into lasting action, you’re making a grave mistake, and here’s why. 

Motivation doesn’t appear until action has been taken. Yeah, let that one sink in. Read it again, say it out loud, write down, and believe it, because it’s science. (But really though: Newton's first law of motion is the concept of inertia: bodies at rest tend to stay at rest and bodies in motion tend to stay in motion). You know before when I talked about that really shitty do-nothing feedback loop? Well it works the opposite way too. When you take action, whether it’s big or small, the feeling of reward and accomplishment is almost always great enough for you to want to take another step or do it again. Taking action is where you find motivation. It doesn’t come from nowhere, it comes from you.

One of my favorite takeaways from Gretchen Rubin’s book, The Happiness Project, was her idea that before she started anything, she needed to “tackle a nagging task”. (Read: that thing that’s been full on squatting on your to-list for so long that’s thisclose to actually owning it). What you’ll find is that when you just WOMAN UP and tackle that oh so annoying task, you’ll feel rejuvenated and immediately think, “ok, what next?”, ready to take on the next thing. It won’t be long until you’re a full blown productivity Sharknado, knocking out all those emails, chores, and errands you’ve been putting off for months.

You want to make it to the gym 4 days a week but where do you find the motivation? Do you sit around thinking about when to do it, and then dance around deciding if you feel up to it today? NO. You lace up your walking shoes and put a leash on your fur baby (or strap on your human baby, or put a leash on your human child or strap on your fur baby, I mean really, no judgement here) and you get outside. (And then do it again tomorrow, and the next day)

Wish you had the motivation to work out? Step one is going to the gym.

The sweet, sweet wave of momentum here will be instantly noticeable, and you may decide to turn those walks into longer walks or runs, or trade in that time for the gym, now that you know you can carve out 60 minutes to make it happen. And what you’ve managed to do then, is make it part of your routine- you’ve made it a habit, which is exactly what you want.

People ask me all the time where I find the motivation to work out and eat well. On the workout side, I do it because it’s simply habit for me at this point, plain and simple. It’s what I do. I wish I had something more romanticized to say about that, but this is the secret about motivation: it doesn't last forever. I'm rarely "motivated" to go to the gym every day. I started CrossFit one day, fell in love with it, went 3-4 times a week, and it became my routine. I’ve been doing it so long now that when I have a week where I don’t go as much or at all, I feel off, my mood sinks, my sleep suffers, and I get into a funk. So my "motivation" for continuing to go, you could say, is to not feel crappy. (Have you seen my Snapchat chat on this topic? It's over in the VIDEOS tab!)

And when it comes to nutrition, I choose food that will support me feeling good in the gym- so it’s no surprise that when I’ve been out of the gym for a while, I don’t make the best nutrition choices. Because when I eat well, I feel strong, and feeling strong in the gym makes me feel unstoppable, and that feeling gives me life, and so on (the positive feedback loop). And it all began with me just taking action, taking a risk and walking into a gym one day.

The point here is that the concept of motivation is a slippery one to grasp, because not only do you have to create it yourself, but it doesn't last. When you've created the spark and the will to make a change, you've got to act on it to get momentum going, and then actively work to keep it up. The "motivation" may fade away in time but what you're hopefully left with is a lasting habit, mindset, routine and lifestyle.

And here’s the best part: more often than not, these action steps are transferrable! Meaning, cleaning out your closet or painting your living room may VERY WELL grant you the motivation to lace up those running shoes or do a meal prep sesh, and vice versa. Because the fastest way to feel like you're in control and on top of your shit and doing the things you want to be doing, is to get on top of your shit and do the things you want and get in control. ACT and then ride the wave of momentum.

 So no matter what you are hoping to tackle or accomplish, here are some action steps to do right now to start making some shit happen:

---

Do this:

1. First things first. If you’re stuck under the ALLTHETHINGS stress accident and need some time away, take it. Take a weekend off of everything, clear your mind, delete social media apps, take baths, etc. Take the time to tune out the noise, reclaim your headspace, find your energy and refresh your life. This is important.
2. Next, use that clarity to decide what you really want to do. Do you really want to CrossFit 4x a week or would you rather take a hip hop class? Are you needing more time away to decompress on the regular? Are you really excited about starting a blog or is it just what you think you should do? (A whole post on "shoulds" coming soon). What is it that you want? 
3. Write out your to do list(s) and the things you want to accomplish in no particular order- just all the shit that needs doing. If it helps you to write separate lists from each area of your life (housework, work, side hustle, etc), do it. Just get it all out of your head and to a place you can see it.
   • Comb through your list and rewrite it based on priority. If you know a few tasks are time sensitive, push those to the top, and the things that can wait go to the bottom. (Take a hard look at the things “that can wait”. Are any of those things that you’ve already been putting off for a long time?) Figure out what's important, and then:
4. Tackle a nagging task. The thing that you think about and groan over while you’re trying to fall asleep, the thing that gives you anxiety when you remember you’ve been ignoring it, the thing that full on nags you, stresses you the fuck out and you really, really don’t want to do. Think like Nike and just FUCKING DO IT. (Sorry for yelling I’m just getting excited here ok?) 
   • If getting active is on your wishlist, tackle a nagging health task too. Lace up your shoes, pop in P90X, join that gym, sign up for that dance class you’ve been dreaming about, arrange for child care to allow the time for it all, etc. Just take one step, do one thing, no matter how small.
5. Book it in. So now that you've got the annoying stuff out of the way and you have some order to your life, make the appointment, schedule in your gym days, reserve your spot in class, clear a morning for decluttering your office, etc. Actually put this stuff into your calendar and respect it's place in there. This time you're not pushing it off for later- it's booked in, you've made the time for it and you're getting it done. (Bringing a friend along for the ride can up your chances of sticking to it).
   • Keep putting these things on your calendar for at least 8 weeks- by that point things should become routine, but until then, make sure you create the time and respect your promise to yourself.
6. And when you whittle away that to-do list, rinse and repeat. 

View fullsize

A good reminder

Cuz here’s the bottom line: it can feel oh so convenient and cozy and easy to think that these things are just out of our hands- that we have no say or control until the elusive Motivation Fairy chooses to bestow us with a sprinkle of go-get-‘em dust, but that’s just not how this works. The things we want in life become ours when we choose to make it so, and then take action. When we look them right in the face and attack them head on, when we step out of our comfort zone and make a change (cue Man in the Mirror). Action first, motivation second.

So here’s your go-get-‘em dust. What are you going to do with it?

XO,

Taylor

Your Stories: In Depth With Elisabeth Akinwale

If you're a CrossFitter, Elisabeth Akinwale is a household name. She's a five times Games competitor and qualified for her first Games a staggering eight months after discovering CrossFit in 2010. It comes as no surprise that she's been an athlete all of her life, starting as a gymnast at the age of 4, and has collected an impressive array of distinctions and awards in various sports.

She lives in Chicago with her partner and her son, and I was thrilled when I found out that she would be attending the Girls Gone Strong Women's Strength and Empowerment Weekend here in Seattle. I have always been a huge fan, and admired her grounded and thoughtful approach to fitness, culture, body image and life. I jumped at the chance to be able to interview her, as she is always sharing such insightful and inspirational words on her social media platforms that impact thousands of women, in hopes of sharing more of her personal story with you here.

She is currently rebuilding her site and creating lots of great content over at ElisabethAkinwale.com, so be sure to check that out, and for all of the images from our photoshoot, head here. Let's get right into it!

View fullsize

YOU'RE CURRENTLY NOT TRAINING TO COMPETE IN CROSSFIT. WHAT MADE YOU DECIDE TO SIT THE SEASON OUT? WILL YOU COMPETE AGAIN IN THE FUTURE? WHAT DOES YOUR TRAINING LOOK LIKE NOW?

There were a number of factors that contributed to me deciding not to compete in CrossFit this season. Overall, I try to be intentional about the direction I’m taking in my life. But there was a period of time I was competing in large part because of inertia. It was something I had been doing and I just kept doing it because I love training, and competing had become a natural part of the yearly cycle. It was important to me that people of color be represented out on that Games floor, so I carried that torch for some time. When I took a step back and assessed the whole picture, I realized that there were a lot of exciting things that I’ve wanted to pursue, but haven’t because of the demands of competition and training.

I want to challenge myself in other ways, and make more concrete contributions to the world around me, which requires time and effort committed to those endeavors. I’m not a fan of the idea that you can have it all. I don’t believe any one person can do it all, do it well, and do it at the same time. All of us have a limit to our resources, and competing in CrossFit doesn’t hold the same meaning for me that it once did, and therefore doesn’t deserve the commitment of resources that it takes to compete at a high level. It’s all about being clear with what I value in my life and making decisions accordingly.

View fullsize

ONE OF THE THINGS YOU SPEAK A LOT ABOUT IS YOUR MOTHERHOOD. HOW DOES BEING A MOTHER INTERPLAY WITH YOUR CAREER AS AN ATHLETE? ARE THERE CHALLENGES? HARMONY?

My life as a mother, and a co-parenting mom specifically, is essentially why I became a competitive athlete again in my mid-thirties. I started CrossFit in the wake of a divorce and really threw myself into it as a coping strategy to manage the pain and empty spaces when I didn’t have my son with me. Spending time at the gym, building friendships, working on skills, etc., was a great distraction at the time, and grew into something much more.

Being a mother and competitive athlete was a gift to my son in that he had a front row seat to my process of setting and striving to achieve goals. He probably has a better sense of everything that goes into being a CrossFit Games athlete than most, since he’s been part of the 24 hours a day, week in and week out commitment for years on end. He’s seen me live an empowered and self-determined life, and he most definitely views women as strong and capable. 

View fullsize

Being a mother made me a better competitive athlete because he’s always kept me well grounded in what is most important. I’ve been incredibly disciplined with my time, energy and focus in order to keep my competitive life rolling, while trying not to make it the focus of his life.

There are absolutely challenges with being a mother and a competitive CrossFit athlete- that’s why there are decreasing numbers of mothers reaching the highest levels of competition. The nature of the training is very time and energy intensive. Many high level coaches want their athletes to crave being in the gym more than anything else. As a mother I can say upfront, that never has been and never will be the case for me. I’m also the head of my household, and have responsibilities like putting food on the table, paying for tuition and activities, being present and having energy for my son. These things can difficult when you’re spending hours upon hours training every day. Frankly, training makes me a better mother, but training to compete, at this point, doesn’t.

View fullsize

View fullsize

I LOVE THE WAY YOU CELEBRATE YOUR BODY FOR IT'S CAPABILITIES, ADAPTABILITY, STRENGTH, AND POWER. WAS THERE A DEFINING MOMENT THAT ALLOWED YOU TO SEE YOURSELF THIS WAY? WHAT ADVICE WOULD YOU GIVE WOMEN WHO ARE STRUGGLING TO SEE THEIR BODY IN THIS LIGHT?

There are lots of cultural elements involved with the idea that women would be viewed as anything but capable, adaptable, strong and powerful. In some ways, being boxed in as frail or less physically capable is the battleground of middle class white women, and femininity itself has been defined within those constraints, which is why we see Black women who display strength, physical and intellectual power (Serena Williams and Michelle Obama come to mind) being called masculine. 

My perception of the female body was first shaped by my image of my mother. Growing up I saw my mother as endlessly strong, and the furthest thing from frail, or any other dominant image of how femininity is displayed. For my entire childhood my mother worked overnights on her feet as a machine operator, and usually had one or two additional part-time jobs. The idea of a woman being strong and physically capable was never a question. I have an older sister who is my sports role model and we were both encouraged in our physicality. Based on this foundation, I’ve escaped the hang-ups some women have about claiming their strength.

We grew up in a sports centered household, and I started sports when I was 4. And I loved it. I like to feel my body move, I like feeling myself breathing, feeling my muscles work. During my childhood I had numerous surgeries for a health condition. My athletic career as a gymnast included seven knee surgeries. So I've had some experiences that make me appreciate my body for just existing, being able to move and take me through activities I enjoy. 

Just living life has shaped my perspective, as it does for any of us.  After I had my son I went from being a gym rat to focusing on being a mother and not so much time on my fitness. My initial venture back into training was just going on walks twice a week. It wasn't intense, but after not being as active walking just felt good.  We should allow ourselves the simple joy of feeling our bodies and experiencing the world in them. I think of women who want to stay covered at the beach because they don't think their body is fit to be seen.  I’m like, you know what feels great? The sun on your skin. You know what feels good? The wind against your skin.  Your body exists for reasons more than what it looks like. This is part of fully experiencing your life. 

Seeing yourself as what you fully are, or what you are fully capable of as a human being, requires that you be willing and brave enough to step outside of the box that’s been devised for you. These boxes are constraints, but they can also be comforting because if we fit ourselves inside them we think we’ll be more accepted, less judged, freer from the critique of others. Leadership comes from those who define themselves outside the pre-conceived notions about who or how they are supposed to be.

View fullsize

View fullsize

People reach out to me on a regular basis to share that seeing me in the predominantly white world of elite CrossFit competition has made a difference to them. It’s makes a difference to people to see themselves reflected in me. More than just being out there, I’m working to make a more direct impact, specifically around communities who are underserved when it comes to access to fitness and wellness resources, information and facilities. If there’s any single message, it’s that we can participate in any activity we choose. We belong everywhere, and that includes where we might be a minority, or in spaces of our own making, designed to meet our specific needs.

View fullsize

YOUR LAST NAME TRANSLATES TO "THE WARRIOR HAS RETURNED". (PRETTY BADASS). IN WHAT WAYS DO YOU FEEL LIKE A WARRIOR? WHAT GIVES YOU STRENGTH TO FIGHT FOR WHAT YOU WANT IN THIS WORLD? 

I feel like a warrior in that I prepare myself both physically and mentally to be ready for whatever comes my way. I don’t seek conflict, but I’m capable of holding my ground. I seek not only outward strength, but inner knowledge and peace. When I think of a warrior I think of balance—both a weapon and a shield—and I try to embody that.

Standing up for what I believe in, and what I want to achieve in this world feels like a forgone conclusion. Based on how I was raised, the people who came before me, and most powerfully in my life, as a mother. Giving up is simply not an option. My son’s presence in my life has kept me going more times than I’d like to admit.

IN WHAT WAYS HAS YOUR OWN SELF IMAGE EVOLVED, MATURED? WHAT'S ONE PIECE OF ADVICE YOU GIVE TO YOUR 20 YEAR OLD SELF?

My self image has become increasingly internally driven over the years. Like anyone else, I’ve been subject to the programming of the culture around me. There was a time when those values had more impact on the way I felt about myself and the image I wanted to project into the world. I’ve come to reject a lot of those external pressures and embrace who I am at my core.

My training and fitness focus has shifted from aesthetics, to performance, to simply valuing how I experience life living in this body. The experience includes how I look, as well as what I can do with my body, but it centers the being in the body.

My advice for myself 20 years ago? Have compassion for yourself, and be where you are. There’s nothing in this world that’s not for you, if you want it. Stay in tune with your intuition, and trust that any obstacles will be overcome, broken through, worked around, or used to build you for your next step.

---

If you'd like to see all the images from our shoot, head over to the Taylor Gage Photography blog to check it out! 

A huge thank you to Elisabeth for her time! Be sure to follow Elisabeth on her Instagram @eakinwale and her Facebook page, and check out her programs at ElisabethAkinwale.com

---

All images copyright Taylor Gage Photography  |  @taylorgagephotography

Makeup by OffWhite Beauty

Your Stories: In Depth with Rory Zambard

Rory Zambard has one hell of a resume. She’s a Crossfit Games veteran, travels the world as part of the Level 1 Staff, a regular on the Regionals scene and holds myriad accolades, achievements, and sponsorships both within the Crossfit community and out, all at the ripe young age of 24. She has recently opted to turn away from something most Crossfitters can only dream of in the competitive Crossfit life, and instead embark on a new and exciting journey on the island of Kauai, HI. I recently had the pleasure of sitting down with her and we chatted about all things Crossfit, who inspires her, how her mentality and body image has shifted recently, what she’s got on the horizon, and lots more.

View fullsize

YOU WITHDREW FROM THE 2014 GAMES DUE TO A BACK INJURY. DO YOU HAVE ANY INTENTIONS OF QUALIFYING FOR THE GAMES AGAIN?

Never. Never ever ever. I’m done- it’s hard. It’s mentally, emotionally, spiritually really challenging, and there’s cooler things that my eyes are set on right now. I think I'll do the Open workouts this year, but I’m not sure if I’ll register… I think I’d be afraid to qualify. I don’t want to see my name stacked up anywhere.

SO IF YOU'RE NOT TRAINING FOR THE GAMES, WHAT ARE YOU TRAINING FOR RIGHT NOW?

Just fitness for real life. It’s great to be back to the intention of Crossfit: to be fit for real life, to be a part of the community, to have fun and play, and enjoy the journey again, instead of training for a specific goal. I think goals are a wonderful things to have, but I went for most of my time with Crossfit with really specific lofty goals, and a season without goals has actually been one of the best things that I’ve been able to do. So my only goal right now is to just come into the gym and have fun every day, and stay healthy.

View fullsize

WHAT DOES YOUR DIET LOOK LIKE? DO YOU FOLLOW ANY SPECIFIC GUIDELINES?

When I was competing I did The Zone Diet, which I found the most effective for training- the weighing and measuring brought accuracy to my food. But for the last year, perfectly honestly, I haven’t done anything as far as precision and accuracy go. After withdrawing from the Games in 2014, my intention was to come back and compete again, and I hit a wall hard in January and I took 5 months off of fitness. I didn’t do anything for months, maybe worked out 3 times. I threw it all to the wind- training, fitness, exercising, my diet- it all had to go the wayside so I could reconfigure a lot of parts of my heart and where I’d been spending my time, and a lot of parts of who I am, and get that back in order before I worried about anything else. And now that I feel put back together and feel really whole, I maybe should focus on my food again, but it’s been so much fun to just not have to worry about feeling 100% every day. I know what 100% feels like and how much food impacts that, but for the last year I’ve been willing to not feel that way just so I can go out for Thai food at 11pm with my friends, just for fun.

View fullsize

YOU ARE PART OF THE LEVEL 1 CROSSFIT STAFF WHICH MEANS EVERY WEEKEND YOU ARE INSPIRING AND HELPING PEOPLE HIT THEIR GOALS. WHO IN YOUR LIFE DOES THAT FOR YOU? WHO PUSHES YOU, GUIDES YOU AND BETTERS YOU?

I have a few people who do that for me- my mom is definitely someone that I lean on. She knows me better than anyone else in the world, knows my heart, knows how to make me better in the way only a mom can; In that subtle way that they just sort of shape you, without you even recognizing what is going on. She calls me Lisa V 2.0. She’s my sounding board, she’s my comfort, she makes me better. Also my best friend Lizzy does that for me- she knows the best and the worst of me, she’s my play and I have so much fun with her. But more importantly she knows everything about my heart, and those are the people that hold you accountable, who challenge you, and know when you’re falling short of the mark. Having someone be able to call you on your bullshit is the best part, and to be able to tell you the truth without sugarcoating it. Someone to just shoot ya straight, and it can hurt, but it’s awesome.

Meeting Lizzy was great- we hated each other at first. You know how with women (something I’ve kind of gotten over but every so often it’s there), where you see another woman and she’s strong and powerful and pretty and smart, and you think “oh we could never be friends I hate you”, [laughs]. I don’t know what that is, but it’s a thing! But we had a moment, after I was being stupid and a workout didn’t go the way I wanted it to, and I was stomping my feet and huffing. I walked outside to cool off, and when I came back everyone in the gym had that feeling of “Don’t talk to her- just leave her alone, she’ll kill you”. But Lizzy marched straight up to me and said, “Hey. How’s it going.” And I cried and we bonded and she’s been my best friend since then.

And Kurtis from Rainier Crossfit is my compass, like a second dad to me, that’s been instrumental in my development, my character, and perseverance- both in Crossfit and in every area of life. He’s the person who never tells you where to go, but he’ll remind you what north looks like. 

View fullsize

WHAT'S IT LIKE TO HAVE A BADASS GAMES ATHLETE AS A MOM?

It’s pretty awesome, but also funny because I don’t think about it like that- she’s just my mom. But you can’t quantify how much much of an impact it’s had on me.  I got to see a mom who was just as interested in health and fitness as me, and it’s what brought me to the gym and what kept me there. I’m so proud of her and I couldn’t be more thankful that she’s my mom.

WOULD YOU SAY THAT CROSSFIT HAS CHANGED YOUR OWN BODY IMAGE?

Definitely. I grew up chubby, and there’s certainly an impact that has on your heart and how you view yourself, especially when you’re young. To break that image can be next to impossible in our society. But it changed when I started Crossfit, since that showed me I am strong and capable and that’s what’s beautiful. It showed me that beauty isn’t about what you look like- and that held for a while, but then you become an athlete, and then there’s a new set of standards for what you’re supposed to look like, which is the unfortunate part. It’s not just about what you can do anymore, it’s about how many abs you have and how little clothing you can wear. There’s a whole new standard for fitness and what’s that supposed to look like.

 

DO YOU THINK IT'S CHANGING THE LANDSCAPE FOR WOMEN IN GENERAL IN ANY GOOD OR BAD WAYS?

I think it’s doing way more good than it is bad. But there’s always a drawback, whenever there's a standard being broken there will be an extreme. And it's not Crossfit's job to fix it- that's on us. I think Crossfit has broken down a lot of boundaries, as far as what is “mainstream attractive”. It’s now beautiful to have muscles and acceptable to have abs, and it’s great if your jeans don’t fit because your quads are too big! Those are incredible things that Crossfit is responsible for. Crossfit is the sole reason there are women with abs on the covers of magazines now. It’s given people another option to feel good in their own skin and shows us that capacity is beautiful. It’s beautiful to be strong.

But there’s also a challenge with that; yes strength and capacity is beautiful, but now it’s also unless you have 8 abs to show for it, it’s not enough- we’re chasing a goal that’s impossible to reach.

And the women you see out there who are fighting for top spots in the world look the way they do because it’s their life. It’s necessary to mention that that’s not balance. I say it because I’ve done it. I say that because I’ve hung out with the best in the world, and I say that because I’m guilty of it. When you’re the fittest on earth, and you’re chasing a body fat percentage, you’re not just chasing performance anymore, you’re chasing a body image. It’s not just about what I can do, it’s how I look when I do it. And that is such a tragedy. It’s so sad that we have such capable and beautiful people, from “average” to the best in the world, but they get wrapped up in “I can’t do or eat that because it will make me look like this”. It breaks my heart. I think we should support people regardless and take a stand, and talk about reality instead of this madness, this mission to achieve something that is never attainable. You’re gonna get to 8% body fat and want to be at 7%.  When does it end? When are we good enough?

View fullsize

DO YOU FEEL PRESSURE TO LOOK A CERTAIN WAY BECAUSE OF YOUR VISIBILITY IN THE SPORT?

Yes and no. There is pressure, and in the last year that’s been something I’ve decided to not acknowledge. I don’t follow anyone on Instagram, I don’t look at social media, because it’s too much visual stimulus as to how the world is saying I need to look. I don’t have everything dialed in, I don’t have everything figured out, just like everyone else, and I need to get my head and my heart straight before I look at anything that’s telling me I need to look a certain way. It’s taken a year for me to breathe and let that stress go.

It’s been a struggle sometimes, but I’m beginning to see that I’m way more than my fitness, and I forgot that for a long time. I cannot behave, act, workout, eat, or do anything based upon how I’ll be seen by the world. And I feel free now. I didn’t think I had a problem with this stuff, but I was dead wrong. I didn’t realize how far into my life I based decisions off of appearance. There’s so much freedom in just finding me, and living my life.

View fullsize

 

WHAT DOES IT MEAN TO YOU TO BE A STRONG WOMAN?

I’m trying to separate myself from that perception of being a “strong woman”. I want to be a graceful woman. I want to be an elegant woman. A powerful woman. I think those things are much more than just being strong. “Strong” to me means you’re built to endure something, and I don’t want to endure life. I want to enjoy it. I think “strong” is something we put on ourselves, and if you walk around with your own armor, you can’t receive life and you can’t give it. I want to be armor-less, and walk through life vulnerable and graceful and full of love.

View fullsize

WHAT ADVICE WOULD YOU GIVE WOMEN WHO ARE CHASING THEIR GOALS, WHETHER BIG OR SMALL?

Two things: Be fearless. Just run at it. The worst possible outcome is failure. No matter the goal, failing is getting you closer, and maybe it’s the outcome you needed, not that you wanted. And enjoy the process. I was very “goal-destination”, and when I got to the destination I was already thinking about the next destination, instead of the cliche of enjoying the ride. 

It’s one of the things I love about Crossfit. There is no arrival. You’ll never get there. There is no end. It’s why, I think, some people don’t do it- because they’ll never get there, never be the best at everything, they’ll never arrive at the destination. You need learner’s heart. Are you willing to walk into the gym every day with your guard down? Because that’s required. It’s a long journey to a far off destination, and every day you take a step closer to a target that’s moving.

View fullsize

YOU'RE MAKING A HUGE MOVE TO HAWAII IN A COUPLE WEEKS. WHAT BROUGHT ON THIS MOVE AND WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO BE UP TO OVER THERE?

It’s a calling. I’ve been expressly told to go by God. I went to Kauai with Progenex for the Ultimate Trail Run, and it was so much fun and raised a ton of money for the program that offers free Crossfit to all the kids on the island. I went there when I was in a delicate place in my life and I was feeling exposed, and when I left I felt I left a piece of my heart there. I was overcome by the love there and how remarkable the people were. I just decided to pull the trigger and I accepted Aaron Hoffman’s offer. There’s a piece of advice I had gotten in the past that resonated really hard with me, which is, there are always people waiting for you on the other side of your decisions. The way has been prepared and there are people waiting. It’s not just about you, it’s about more than that. And it’s true- everything for the move has just fallen into place and the process has been way too easy- the way has been cleared. 

I’m so excited to be there. I don’t know what the program really looks like yet, all I know is I’m gonna go coach some kids! I’m coaching the middle schoolers and high schoolers a few days a week and helping Aaron organize next year’s Ultimate Hawaiian Trail Run, which raised $100k for the kids last year. It gives these kids a place to belong. It’s created a community for kids to show up and know they’re loved. Drug and alcohol abuse is a really big problem on the island- it’s inundated the island. It’s also my family’s history, I grew up in the middle of it and I know what it’s like to see recovering and not recovering drug addicts popping in and out… I have a heart for it, and I love kids, and I have this powerful tool of Crossfit to be able to use. It’s just an amazing mash up of timing and skills and gifts that’s presented itself. Plus the island’s pretty beautiful too!

View fullsize

YOU'VE MANAGED TO ACHIEVE LIFETIMES WORTH OF ACCOMPLISHMENTS AND YOU'RE ONLY 24 YEARS OLD. WHAT DO YOU HOPE TO ACCOMPLISH IN THE YEARS TO COME?

This last season of my life has been about perspective. I was running from destination to destination with blinders on for so long and not actually seeing the world and the people around me. The seasons that are the hardest yield the most growth, and I wouldn’t change it for the world- my ups and downs with Crossfit, the speed I grew up at, I wouldn’t trade any part of it. I’ve been sprinting since I was born- I ran at whatever I wanted and I got it. There’s a lot of ego involved in that “see that and do it” idea, and now I can see that for what is is- a gift. 

Where I’m headed, I have no idea, and that’s the coolest part! For the first time I don’t have goals. The only goal that I have is to love people relentlessly. I have the opportunity for a new beginning, and I get the choice to love relentlessly. Whatever that means, I’m not sure, but that’s what I want to walk into.

View fullsize

---

---

All photographs copyright Taylor Gage Photography. Hair and makeup by Off White Beauty, Seattle.